|I won't go - A poem for the massacred of Srebrenitsa
Grief never fasts a widow said
prayers have shaped her bones
like the scythe of communism,
she is Srebrenitsa’s flag half mast
blowing at a name she breastfed.
A cleanliness of human darkness
washed in blood eight thousand times.
The tight knit community was splayed
yarned by clay the kalashnikov kiln
made muslim’s terracotta for paradise.
A widow said they resembled waste paper,
scrunched like the face of Milosevic
defiant in his villa where a pool wrinkled the sun.
The authorities came through teeth of glass
he refused to go like widows who kneel
to enclaves of themselves
at graves of themselves.
Biggest and bloodiest massacre in recent European history.
11 July 1995, the Bosnian-Serb army corps, under the command of General Ratko Mladic, entered the Muslim-populated city of Srebrenitsa, savagely killed 8,000 Bosnian men
18 Nov 09
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You have a good poem here.
Grief never fasts a widow said
A cleanliness of human darkness
She said they resembled waste paper?
look at the picture of the mass grave and you'll see what i mean, it's a disturbing image.
this is horrible and why is their barely any google links to the tradgedy? It only happened recently?
Do you think it's because they are muslims?
i've seen the photos
i was only questioning the second use of
This is the kind of raw emotion I find appealing, reminding us that people are dying as we sit here sharpening our nibs. Life is real, beyond poetry and poetry has to sometimes show blood and pain to become as real as life.
I just got a book in a white elephant drawing, it's all about tombs and graves and bones in masses. This should be in there.
The second verse really gets to me, the terracotta/kiln connection. In the name of God, any and all gods, as if we have the right to know for sure.
nicely writ poem-
I saw a show on the History channel about this. If I remember correctly, they would force the people to be executed onto a bus and their families would stand by and know what was going to happen but couldn't do anything about it. It was sickening, really.
anyway, you seemed to have captured a piece of history with your write...
BRAVO! POET I am sat in honor of your words.
Of course if one had no such
atrocities to write about one would be happy.
Kudos, Caducus--least we forget.
I'll have to check that programme out. Their was a brilliant film called Saviour with Dennis Quaid which had a scene from a bus like the one you said. They got peopel to kneel in water and smashed their skulls in with malletts - kids too.
Their is hardly anything on the internet abut his tragedy which I find astonishing.
poetic flow is excellent, but the semiotic is problematic, because the binary marches onto life/death, peace/crime, victim/offender pairs, where the first of a pair is given alliance.
I opted for the deconstructive reading of the text so that the meaning of the poem is suspended, and another reality shall arise based on new reversal of the bnary oppositon.
very good, the first stanza had me hooked.
i do think 'breastfed' is the way to go, as it's one word. see how it looks?
L15 was the least friendly to me, and perhaps you could do with some sort of pause at L17.
nice work cadoo, =-)
good suggs jen thanks
Wow... that's more than died at Pearl Harbor and 9/11 combined!!!
11 July 1995 happened years after the leaders of the "modern world" became introduced to the situation in that area. The UN forces were sent to the area years before. Everything happened before the very eyes of people with power to stop it. I sometimes wonder who are those we empower to lead us.
this was a blood-coup based on old blood-rages from other ages when the Turks took they're time bathing in their bloody massacres' drinking serb blood as wine -- revenge is a short-certitude which moves in circles 'n cycles up 'n down from a smile of success to a frown no less -- what comes around goes around lost in hypocrisy bent on psychopathy all for a shard of stone -- war is peace and revenge is best served up stone-cold, I guess - nice write C, you're a historical Poet
I say this with a ten again.
there is a poem about the siege of Sarajevo by Steve Scafidi called True Story of Bullets you will like if you ever read it.
i think your poem is quite critical, and so you should revise it. the thrice appearance of widow draws from the momentum of the whole. you established there is a growing number of widows and it is important that we know it was one of them who said "grief doesn't fast" but the fact that they looked like waste paper would sting us just as bad coming from a photograph you're describing. the third stanza would be better if it began with "somebody said..."
is "muslim's" supposed to be plural possessive?
are you saying widows kneeling to the enclaves of themselves, at the graves of themselves don't go? a simile? or are you saying he won't go like the go...?
anyhoo...i hope you see what i'm saying
Thanks for making time to comment on the poem and for your opinion. I'll definitely check out Steve Scafidi.
When I was writing the poem the point was never about being critical just giving the facts. It is interesting you think I should rewrite it though. It is rare to find poetry not critical of war dont you think?
...i just said revise it...it doesn't need an overhaul...
not all poems of war are worth reading, or even revising...not all wars are critical either...i think you are an artist and value your work...
i also think what i said about mentioning widows three times in a poem is right though...
you couldn't at least try to play around with what people suggest?
they're just words and you can always make a poem better.
how long did you work on this one?
I accept what you're saying and technically you're maybe right with the repetition of widow and I've read over and over it but feel it adds a lyrical vibe to it.
That said, line 11 could be changed to 'some said....
what do you think?
Brilliantly observed. Thank you for sharing.
Love L13, L14!