Her eyelids look like crushed violets
with eggplant shimmer collecting in creases.
The calligraphy of eyeliner
between two in the afternoon and four.
The heart of all my hearts knows
that when she opens her eyes, she will continue.
The colors of her face
and she will be the most beautiful.
22 Nov 09
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A flower seen from the perspective of an 18 years old girl is definetly diffferent from the perspective of an 80 years old woman. A bulb is different from a caveman than from an engineer who made it.
Is this how a 9-year- old girl feel, while observing her mother? Omiscient point of view is difficult to handle because it gives the author the freedom to go into the minds of the character. I hope you presented to us you narrator in a believable way.
Do you think the poem would be better if the author did not mention age at all?
This is tremendously beautiful. :-)
Child looking at Mom, Mom in a nursing home and about to die? This could be taken so many ways, all good. I don't know if you need 'the heart of all my hearts,' that's a bit over the top but the rest is pretty good.
NURSING HOME? Is that where we are?! I took it more as a child just watching his pretty mother taking a nap. And Isabelle's right. I might just change L6 to "My heart," because as humans, we don't have more than one heart. You could also say, "My instincts tell me that when she opens her eyes..." Sumpthin' like that. I totally didn't pick up on a nursing home vibe though. :-)
I don't know if it's a nursing home but it could be or it could be a child watching a parent sleep or a parent in a coffin...there is a lot of room for imagination in this.
The original line was "my nine year old heart knows". And it is about a young child watching her (depressed) mother sleep. thank you. :)
I guess this has gone through some transformations, judging by the notes?
Don't make any more. :)
lovely little piece. thanks.
this is really lovely.....simple and elegant and wonderfully sentimental.