Do not be haughty with this darkness,
as it has opened many doors of feelings
of an old man, so it may seem.
I am surprised,
why use me to start, others fever
at their own darkened, heavy doors?
Making up their hearts story,
looking at beautiful dread.
So their time goes on everyday.
Not so says the dark!
go on with foolish ideas,
find that soft pillow and
write for the sad.
Just write for another,
dark nights pleasure there,
to find peace and favor down below.
Mike Hendershot 2009
28 Nov 09
Rated 10 (9.3) by 2 users.
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a good read
comma after start, or make others possesive?
Thank you Unk for your interest and edit... things are kinda of quiet tonight...
very nice. might juggle the stanzas round for a bit more surprise. thank you Les (ie: start with ln. 10).
though maybe 'darkened' in line 6
and maybe lose the comma in line 2..
otherwise, enjoyable read
Unk thanks for your edit ideas I am not sure what you meant? an I am afraid to move or change wording to lose something... I hope you understand, otherwise please make your idea more clear
to me I am am not good at grammar, in English I was studying the girls and not listening to my
teacher etc ... this now was to me loss...
" ie: start with ln. 10." and then . . . . just use your head.
Thanks Mr. Web for all of your editing help on my pieces through out the months your help is valuable to my work...
I like this--from title to end. the melacholy in the poem poem shows a man with a heavy heart, but a heart that has feeling for others. I especially like L 10-13. Just one nit: I think the "too" in L 16 should be "to." Other than that this very good.
PaulS you should have been a head doctor cause thats right where I was... thanks for the edit too
heavy like that door...
I like it... gotta fight the darkness.
As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.
thanks Andy Leggette
Good poem, very thought provoking. Darkness, heavy doors, and foolish ideas................. Hmmm!
Thank you JohnW... you are always faithful for crits keep up your good works ....