poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Tantrum
sweetirade

They say that the toddler mind
 1
   is an egocentric scientist,
 2
      a concrete mosaic,
 3
        a short verse   poem;
 4
 
 
- a tsunami that can swallow entire villages.
 5
 
 
I watch my daughter
 6
throw her plastic teacup across the room
 7
and stomp her tiny feet
 8
into the carpet. She wants me to know that she is mad, mad, mad.
 9
 
 
I imagine the imaginary tea
 10
   trailing behind the cup,
 11
      freezing as a rivulet
 12
        and dissipating. A tiny hate comet bursting into flame.
 13
        - because she no longer believes.
 14
 
 
I want to understand.
 15
I want fresh impressions and eloquent behaviors. So,
 16
 
 
I pretend
 17
that nothing exists outside of myself.
 18
 
 
I forget
 19
that love is more than a soreness in my chest.
 20
And
 21
I eventually find
 22
my own shattered tea set. The pieces
 23
swimming like fish behind my shoulders.
 24
 
 
Then,
 25
it all becomes so clear:
 26
 
 
The tea set is a liar,
 27
   it never meant to serve tea
 28
      to anyone,
 29
         least of all   me,
 30
 
 
      - and I am mad, mad, mad.
 31

10 Dec 09

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Comments:

great poem-
I like the structure--
really works well with the content...
nice work
 — JKWeb

Thank you :)
 — sweetirade

You are gifted.  I don't know how I haven't come across you until now.
The imagery of L10-14 is especially breathtaking.
 — aurelius

You are good,good, good. I love this writing. Sharp, unexpected, my idea of how to write what it feels like to have to live .
 — crimsonkiss

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