poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Man In A Bar
larrylark

Smoke drifts, curls then thins
 1
wrapped round a half filled glass,
 2
passes between fingers, out above heads,
 3
hangs in speckled blue tinged pall.
 4
 
 
Watching a woman, he finds her beauty
 5
flawed, tawney eyes cruel,  indifferent.
 6
She's dressed to please
 7
no-one but  herself and does not smile.
 8
 
 
The smell of cigars begins to irritate
 9
and so does her perceived indifference.
 10
He hails the barman loudly, "The same again
 11
for me and one for the lady over there."
 12
 
 
Finely polished nails push forward
 13
an almost empty spirit glass.
 14
Her speech is slow but not yet slurred,
 15
"Thank you darlin', She reached to stroke his hair."
 16

12 Mar 04

Rated 8 (8) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (0):

(define the words in this poem)
(658 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

I think I may have lost you on the last line, "i(should be CAP) never knew you cared." It's not as strong as you intended it to be, but rather out of place.
 — bluepisces

agreed.  otherwise I love it.
 — challenge

Ah, the games people play! Why even bother when he finds her flawed, cruel and indifferent. Well, there is one obvious reason, conquest!
 — wamblicante

Dear Wamblicante

No!They stayed together and they still drink in Ramone's bar on murder mile in down town Grimsby.

Larry happy endings Lark
 — larrylark

Well, guess he got past the outside and had the sense to look in! Good for him! I never was much for meeting girls at bars. One of my sons met his wife at a nightclub though and they're doing fine.
 — wamblicante

Dear Wamblicante

I still am a frequenter of bars pubs and pole dancing clubs but unfortunately i now have to travel to those in Blackpool having been barred from everyone inPreston, the hell hole where i have the misfortune to live.

Larry Girr us 'nother beer ya bastard Lark
 — larrylark

0.21s