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New Waters
laura352

Always wanted to see (once more,
 1
for the first time)
 2
the Place where this River
 3
once met the Ocean.
 4
 
 
When a slippery wet kiss
 5
swam upstream,
 6
(no thoughts.
 7
A tongue on a cheek)
 8
 
 
Jump to before:
 9
suspense on a dead spindle.
 10
                         A stale bird lands on new waters.
 11
 
 
Jump to then:
 12
a finale with a pledge.
 13
                         These waves will break you.
 14

17 Dec 09

Rated 9.5 (9.2) by 10 users.
Active (10): 7, 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (8): 2, 7, 7, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(7 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

Very nice.
 — unknown

I like this.
 — unknown

I feel like there's more to this poem, another part of the story that hasn't been shown here.
 — unknown

alibis are water tight
 — unknown

Not bad at all, I wish it would have more fleshing out of the story! Maybe its just me though!
 — Memo213

It isn't just you; I think we all feel that way. But it's a great poem nonetheless.
 — ishtarboy300

Nice poem.  I like how you bounce to and fro in lines 9-14.  You could probably do without your footnote though.  :)
 — JKWeb

Did so, JKWeb. Thanks for the input ^_^
 — laura352

This is certainly a great poem. Everybody can take lessons from you.
 — unknown

Thank you, "unknown". Though, it would be nicer if you wouldn't post as unknown...=/

Anyhow, thanks for the comment. It was very nice :)
 — laura352

Bravo!  Awesome!  :-)
 — starr

Thank ya, starr =D
 — laura352

Great last line.
And if these dont break you,
the other ones will.
Take care Laura 17.
 — Empty

XD My poem is on the Top Rated list. Maybe this is juvenile but it kind of makes me ecstatic ^_^

Thanks for all the comments, Empty. :) They mean a lot.
 — laura352

nice dreamy aquatic ride... did I read you're only 17?  You're way ahead of the game.  Keep reading and writing... you're very talented.
 — jpmhawk

Awh, thank you jpmhawk! That's a really nice thing for you to say.

And yeah you read correctly XD
 — laura352

lines nine and twelve are references to invisible monsters
 — unknown

Give me envy.
Flash.
Give me malice.
Flash.
Give me your attention.
Flash.


^_^
 — laura352

It isn't too often that you find one so young that writes like a wise old sage.
 — PaulS

Haha PaulS I am a clumsy form of a girl. Not wise.

But it's nice to think that you see wisdom in my writing.

Thanks for the comment it was really nice.
 — laura352

Interesting write, surreal enough to take it out of the overly personal. Good form and use of language.
 — jharrison

Nice Invisible Monsters reference :)

I'm not a huge fan of this just out of personal taste, but I see how it can work for others.  Keep it up
 — aurelius

"surreal enough to take it out of the overly personal" exactly what I was going for, jharrison.

Thanks for the comment, aurelius.
 — laura352

I love the last line- I always look forward to great endings...not great as in it must "feel good" but great as in it completes the poem.
This is excellent~
 — mandolyn

Thanks for the positive feedback, mandolyn! ^_^

I, too, enjoy a great ending.
 — laura352

Pretty good. I believed at first that it would play into more of the literal concept of water and bodies of water however I like the move into comparing a kiss to delta.

Don't think that the period in eight is necessary. Wow. I'm getting rusty if that's the best suggestion I can come up with.
 — Callisto

Haha thanks for the suggestion, Callisto. I went with your advice.
 — laura352

yo, laura, you're in high school. me too! i'm a senior. lol
 — Sequiturist

I'm a Senior also. I turn 18 Friday, actually! XD *excitement*
 — laura352

^ haha, very very nice. i turned 17 not too long ago. i think i will refrain from asking you the question that every senior in america wants to ask another senior. ;)
 — Sequiturist

Haha yeah do because I don't wanna talk about THAT situation =/
 — laura352

its good- but seems to want to keep the reader at a distance. almost detrimentally so.
 — DeformedLion

^ That seems to be a habit of mine.
 — laura352

hi.

sorry i'm late for class.
i've always been a retarded tardy bloke in school.

this is good like recess.

; )
 — fractalcore

Thanks for the look and comment fractalcore.

I'm a HUGE fan of yours XD
 — laura352

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