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always kiss the moon.
SarahMichele

Dream deeply and evade me
 1
 
 
In which hand do you hold
 2
oblivion?
 3
 
 
(touch this)
 4
 
 
As statuesque as it appears,
 5
there is life here;
 6
diminuitive and fleeting...
 7
 
 
(darkening)
 8
 
 
A fitful fancy,
 9
a briefing to madness...
 10
 
 
This lunacy is abiding--
 11
embracing the season
 12
 
 
for those departing.
 13

18 Dec 09

Rated 7.6 (8.3) by 10 users.
Active (10): 9, 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (12): 1, 1, 2, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

should I say: dream deeply, evade me ... or keep the 'and'?
 — SarahMichele

  ... a walk in the moonlight will begin a process of emotional and psychic transformation -- I had a dream yesterday morning that I did not quite understand until I realEYEsed the Moon Goddess mythology echoing in me -- in the dream I was lying in the lap of a great-white-woman while suckling upon her left breast; me as a full-size'd man. It was sensual and secure and happy and pure... the unconscious is the teat from which I suckle the whole-milk of creativity -- that deep-dark potential of space, illumined by a great-white breast-like orb shining borrowed light on everyone -- here your poem speaks in the mysterious language of looking-away from what you wanted to say - the curious-circuits of woman dancing a-round with the sound, glamouring with indirect light those in sight -- the madness comes when, drunk on beauty, we become exploding Sun's in passion 'n fury
 — AlchemiA

AlchemiA: I love it when you visit me. A dream of purity, indeed. I'm drunk on the beauty of the storm moon. I read once in a witch's almanac that if you kiss the top of your hand, raise it to the sky and let the light of the moon reflect off of it, that the 'white-woman' will bless you; that's the seed this sprung from.

Thank you.
 — SarahMichele

maybe dark'nen
 — DeformedLion

why?
 — SarahMichele

i love this...it caught me from start to finish...
 — brother_sun

the title is exceptional
 — brother_sun

lose the italics . . . (why? they dumb up the reader)


sleep tightly and evade me
1


In which hand do you
hold oblivion?
3


touch this
4


Statuesque as it appears,
5
there is life here;
6
diminuitive and ...          &n bsp;   darkening
8

Fitful fancy,
9
a briefing to madening...    This lunacy abides--
11
embracing

the season,  for those
departing.
 — unknown

brother sun: most appreciated, particularly from you as I have recently read and very much enjoyed your work.
 — SarahMichele

V., is that you?
 — SarahMichele

I love the last three lines tremendously.
Also keep the "and" in the first line, it gives it meaningful rhythm.
I agree about the italics though, it's a high school tactic. Parenthesis would be better if you must make more note of them than the line breaks serve to do.
 — tinfoiltouch

Thank you tin.

~Italics removed due to popular dislike.
 — SarahMichele

I like your poem-
your poetry is always great, though I wish you'd post more of 'em--
my only suggestion would be to remove the comma in line 12...
otherwise, nice
 — JKWeb

Ah! Such a lovely piece.  I agree with JK about the comma in l 12, not needed.  Other than that this is really good.
 — PaulS

JK and Paul: Thank you for your gracious comments, made my day. Happy Holidays to you two talented poets.

p.s. comma removed and gone forever.
 — SarahMichele

p.s. JK, I have been adding more (gradually) =p !
 — SarahMichele

x
 — syrossoul

^precisely.
 — SarahMichele

wow.

: )
 — fractalcore

Awwww a TWO! thanks unknown! merry christmas!
 — SarahMichele

fractal ---  for favoriting, <3
 — SarahMichele

a two eh, well you've made your mark - it's unks way of saying your write impressed her ;) write-on SarahMichele and bring that Moon-kiss to your pen where the Moon kisses the reader again
 — AlchemiA

youre on moon time

lunar tic st3ntorian
 — unknown

Good the use of parentheses :)
 — laura352

Storm Moon inDEED!  A blessed Yule and a beautiful poem!  Blessed Be!  :-)
 — starr

i know statuesque can mean statue-like but usually it means statue-like in style, elegance and beauty, or mainly size. it has little to do with the lack of life.

i get that the poem is about the moon having a effect on us but i can't see any real imagery. for me their are too many adjectives. (something i'm really guilty of) often they're used instead of an image, instead of that beloved metaphor.

though the parentheses are an exceptional poetic device. but in this or these instances
don't add or work as they should. the (touch this) just gives me a hammer time. just "touch this" on it with white space between would for me have worked better. by still connecting it L3. the para's just makes it cordon sanitere. (sp) the same with (darkening). if thats what your aim was then you succeeded but for me it reads better with a connection to the previous line.

it's just my take and no offense is meant toward the writer.

i do think it has a great poem inside. a good strong image is maybe all that's needed to bring it out.
 — billy423uk

billy: yes, statue-like as statues are lifeless things. I'll think about the parens.

thanks
 — SarahMichele

Starr: Thank you for your very nice comment (and faving)! A blessed Yule to you as well!

brokenarrows: thank you for favoriting; appreciated.
 — SarahMichele

Yes, i agree with billyuk, this is clunky and reads clunky.
 — unknown

good for you. billy loves you.
 — SarahMichele

no i don't. i left an honest comment. if you took it the wrong way i apologies.
sorry i couldn't fawn over it.
 — billy423uk

i know that, billy. thanks

sarah
 — unknown

p.s. thanks laura and alch (once again)
 — unknown

The dude abides...

Can't touch this.
 — unknown

=)
 — SarahMichele

Lunacy, lunar, I get it.  Swear not by the moon.
Deleting the 'and' in L1 is highly recommended.
The unk who offered the rewrite was on point.  I'd go with what he/she did.
 — aurelius

thank you aurelius.
 — SarahMichele

i loved it. it sounded like something i'd have read in a book frim lyk the 1700's.

p.s. that comment wasn't supposed to be rude. it's just an opinion. no offense!!!!
honestly i loved it.
 — firerocket

offended? on the contrary...thank you for your very nice comment, Fire. Which book?
 — SarahMichele

Fragmented, yet complete. Satisfying and a good read.
 — Bloodfetish

this made me smile. to the moon. lucky bastard. ;)
 — nullfour

+ thanks ^ xx
 — SarahMichele

   'Twas a good read indeed.
 — JKWeb

you's a good reader, JK =)
 — SarahMichele

In which hand do you hold oblivion? - beautifully posed question
 — Callisto

Very dreamy poem
 — psychofemale

Wonderful! reminds me of a Kate Bush song, i love it!
 — AlexJose

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This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

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 — shaotang

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