|do not read this by candle light...
Because it tapers too soon
down the edge of the table
on your rosary
on your flesh
whatever holy thing you want
I give you.
20 Dec 09
Rated 7.4 (8.1) by 9 users.
Active (9): 8, 9, 10
Inactive (4): 1, 1, 4, 7, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
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i would change 'holy' to 'unholy' in line 5. but that is just me.
i would also change the tense of line 7 to read, 'i give you', to fall in line with the rest of the tense of the poem.
in-tensely delicious write and Raskol is write about the tense -- very evocative imagism that cuts with the light of so many holy 'n unholy reflections -- sweet
~edit made per suggestions above.
but holy is what I intended, raskol :)
Thank you so much to the both of you; always a pleasure to hear from either of you.
Love the title, love the idea and the shadows reflected in my mind reading this.
Hm, missing an element of the 'passion'. better may be to say unholy as was suggested
line 7 ( I will make you pray for.)
you must pray for.
Isabelle, thank you :)
Lilliana: Thank you. I did ponder your suggestion but I didn't really intend for this to be that telling. Anyway, it really is a good suggestion and I'll keep it in mind (maybe for a sequel hah) Thanks again.
short and sharp - v.good
thank you dia!
is it about a priest being given time off by his lover?
what does everyone see within the poem. what is it saying to you all
for you to give it ten. (a serious question)
sorry for not leaving my own comment.
i like what i get from it. see my other comment. though i'm probably wrong.
originally i gave it 4, i've given it 7 now i'm getting something from it (even if what i get is wrong)
billy: well, what do you get from it? there's no wrong or right interpretation really.
thanks for the comment.
i made two comments the first one says what i got from it
it didn't say i see a relationship of opposites come to that phase where the relationship is just a routine, where one partner loses all hope of being able to fit into a secular existence of another. but i also see that.
as i say, i'm pretty certain it's wrong. i just wanted to see what everyone else got from it. i gave it seven because i thought it was better than average btw. i liked it.
nothing to do with religion, correct. really, it's just a romantic gesture with some heretical undertones. glad you think it better than average. thanks again.
Makes no sense! None. !!!!! ##### NONE.
take a valium @#
I like it. It's short and concise. This is probably not what you had envisioned with this piece but I would consider changing lines 3-4 to:
'on the rosary
of your flesh'
I do like as is though...
just a thought
well jk, I just might incinerate myself if I f*ck with this anymore. I see the beauty in your suggestion, but I'll put this one to rest for the time. thank you, sir.
dig it very much
thanks a lot, repeatme.
Excellent use of metaphor and imagery--the title fits the poem perfectly.
did i say that already?
me likes this
thank you dear readers (paul, psycho n' unk) . hadn't been on PC for a while and was a bit tickled to see my baby up at the top there. ;)
hey random jerk-off, you forgot to leave a comment with your +1. Pleaseeee come back =)