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do not read this by candle light...

Because it tapers too soon
down the edge of the table
on your rosary
on your flesh
whatever holy thing you want
I give you.

20 Dec 09

Rated 9 (8.2) by 4 users.
Active (4):
Inactive (10): 1, 1, 4, 7, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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brilliant title.

i would change 'holy' to 'unholy' in line 5. but that is just me.

i would also change the tense of line 7 to read,  'i give you', to  fall in line with the rest of the tense of the poem.
 — raskolniikov

in-tensely delicious write and Raskol is write about the tense -- very evocative imagism that cuts with the light of so many holy 'n unholy reflections -- sweet
 — AlchemiA

~edit made per suggestions above.

but holy is what I intended, raskol :)

Thank you so much to the both of you; always a pleasure to hear from either of you.
 — SarahMichele

Love the title, love the idea and the shadows reflected in my mind reading this.  
 — Isabelle5

Hm, missing an element of the 'passion'. better may be to say unholy as was suggested
line 7 ( I will make you pray for.)
 — Liliana


you must pray for.
 — Liliana

Isabelle, thank you :)
 — SarahMichele

Lilliana: Thank you. I did ponder your suggestion but I didn't really intend for this to be that telling. Anyway, it really is a good suggestion and I'll keep it in mind (maybe for a sequel hah) Thanks again.
 — SarahMichele

short and sharp - v.good
 — dia

thank you dia!
 — SarahMichele

is it about a priest being given time off by his lover?

what does everyone see within the poem. what is it saying to you all
for you to give it ten. (a serious question)
 — billy423uk

sorry for not leaving my own comment.

i like what i get from it. see my other comment. though i'm probably wrong.
originally i gave it 4, i've given it 7 now i'm getting something from it (even if what i get is wrong)
 — billy423uk

billy: well, what do you get from it? there's no wrong or right interpretation really.
thanks for the comment.
 — SarahMichele

i made two comments the first one says what i got from it

it didn't say i see a relationship of opposites come to that phase where the relationship is just a routine, where one partner loses all hope of being able to fit into a secular existence of another. but i also see that.
as i say, i'm pretty certain it's wrong. i just wanted to see what everyone else got from it. i gave it seven because i thought it was better than average btw. i liked it.
 — billy423uk

nothing to do with religion, correct. really, it's just a romantic gesture with some heretical undertones. glad you think it better than average. thanks again.
 — SarahMichele

Makes no sense! None. !!!!! ##### NONE.
 — unknown

take a valium @#
 — SarahMichele

 — laura352

I like it.  It's short and concise.  This is probably not what you had envisioned with this piece but I would consider changing lines 3-4 to:
'on the rosary
of your flesh'
I do like as is though...
just a thought
 — JKWeb

well jk, I just might incinerate myself if I f*ck with this anymore. I see the beauty in your suggestion, but I'll put this one to rest for the time. thank you, sir.
 — SarahMichele

dig it very much
 — repeatme

thanks a lot, repeatme.
 — SarahMichele

Excellent use of metaphor and imagery--the title fits the poem perfectly.
 — PaulS

nice poem.
did i say that already?
 — unknown

me likes this
 — psychofemale

thank you dear readers (paul, psycho n' unk) . hadn't been on PC for a while and was a bit tickled to see my baby up at the top there. ;)
 — SarahMichele

hey random jerk-off, you forgot to leave a comment with your +1. Pleaseeee come back =)
 — SarahMichele

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