|Where We Go To Die
I walked through fiery gardens
bits of flesh
from hooks and chains
through blood puddles
agony from a thousand mouths
draped in sin,
rattled in the wind-
as I approached her pale form,
her weakened breath
blew through azure lips,
"Hold me" she said.
"Heal my wounds
and whisper death."
14 Feb 10
Rated 8.8 (8.4) by 10 users.
Active (10): 1, 1, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (19): 1, 1, 1, 7, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
(define the words in this poem)
(137 more poems by this author)
(8 users consider this poem a favorite)
Add A Comment:
Brillant Mr. Web
another beautiful rendering of death, a peaceful ushering by a compassionate angel
LOve the blood puddles
Thank you for reading and positive feedback.
I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
Thanks a bunch. Much Gratitude for the nice words.
Dante's Inferno... Canto 3 line 9... Final Words on the Gates of Hell... Abandon every hope, you who enter...
outstanding write JKWeb if you enjoy reading the pieces by JKWeb read Dante's Inferno it is rich like our friend JKWeb... it is interesting to see you once again return to your buffet of horror Poet...
9,10 work for me; 2-3 not so much
I Like every bit of it, down to the last drop.
you quite sure that azure is spelled that way?
Just too sad. Well written but so sad. (I do not view Death this was at all, I view Life this way much of the time.)
yes yes OK but me thinks lapis is better.
Thanks for reading and nice words. I'll be sure to check-out Dante's Inferno in book form. I saw a segment recently on the History channel and it did peak my interest.
Thank you too. I'm glad you were able to "connect" just a little.
I appreciate you having a look and glad you like it.
I'm fairly certain that 'azure' is the correct spelling. I googled. Thanks.
Many thanks for reading and commenting. Cheer-up now...it'll be okay :J
Lapis is a brilliant color blue and thanks for the suggestion. I'll have to give it some more thought.
Another oustanding write by JK.
Thanks for reading and the brief kudos.
what a Beautiful poem
Thanks a bunch. Glad you like it.
this poem ROCKS
but quickly i will mention my picking
and say 'flanks swung from hooks' (i find a bit too much going on with tongue tying and fillers here)
"as i waded though puddles
agony of a thousand mouths'
think 'suffered' and 'i heard' should be removed,
and i really feel it ending in the simple, yet wonderfully haunting
"hold me, she said".
THAT SAID, i love the eerie visions in this poem. i'm finding things, i'm on a roll!
very nice... full of images cooling mystery.. this piece could also work well if you got rid of the "I"s and made the following verb active... walking through fiery gardens... wading through blood puddles, etc. Could make the last stanza perhaps more powerful.... Just a thought. Love it either way. Another nice write from ya!
Thanks for reading and suggestions. I've given some thought to your insight but feel like I'd lose some of what I was trying to convey. Though I'm glad that you did "connect" on some level. Thanks again.
Thanks for reading and the positive feedback. I do like your ideas about making the 'verb active'. Gratitude.
I changed the first line back because it changed the tense but did keep line 5. Thanks again.
Yes the chill up the spine makes this a 10, definately~
Thanks for re-visiting and the positive feedback.
JKWeb you sure make the macabre look good and make it feel visceReal ... their is something eerie in this kind of out-of-body experience -- kinda reminds me of the series Dexter - a conflicted-killer of serial-killers -- nevertheless, well wrought with your medical mind making it frisson ...
Thanks for reading and the positive feedback. I've heard of the show Dexter but have yet to see it. I'll have to find it and tune in. Thanks again.
Thanks for reading and the brief kudos.
thanks for thanking everyone that has positive feedback
You're welcome. Thanks for thanking me for thanking everyone for the positive feedback.
Very nice! Exquisite imagery. Well done.
Thanks for reading and the favorable remarks. Much appreciated.
wow. that was great, but sad, but thats good i could feel that saddness and eerie feeling. and so thats a 10 for me.:)
Thanks for having a look and the positive crit. Much appreciated.
Jk... like I commented before, top notch, I love it! After a few more reads, I'm getting caught up on Line 15. Before and after that line there is a sonic and rhythmic flow... "blew through azure lips" has a bit of choppiness. I think "blew through" could finish of Line 14 leaving azure lips to stand alone on Line 15. Just a thought. I really like this!
Thanks for reading again. Edit done. This what you meant?
Outstanding, JK. The sonics work really well for me Nice work.
Great title by the way:)
Ok... now you got my poetic juices flowing... I like this better. Here's another idea: I would love to see-
"her weakened breath blew through"
as Line 14 and you could omit "azure lips" unless you're in love with that line.
I don't think you need azure lips because without it her weakened breath would flow through her pale form or simply through the wind like the bone chimes.
Also, since you're using quotes in the last stanza you could consider omitting the "she said"
"Heal my wounds.
Thank you for reading and accolades. Gratitude.
I appreciate you coming back to this and for the suggestions...I will have to give it some thought. Namaste.
'the sound' in l8 to the previous line, getting rid of that hyphen in l7 -
suffering the sound
from a thousand mouths
move 'suffering' to l5, before 'wading', add comma after...
consider changing 'through' in l15 to 'from'.
the last three lines are too dramatic, but not correctly broken...
'hold me, heal
my wounds, and whisper
nice poem, jkweb.
Thanks for reading and the detailed crit. Like I had metioned to jmp., I'll have to give your suggestions some thought. I'd hate to change it too much and lose sight of what I was initially trying to convey. But thanks again.
*mentioned *jpmhawk ...oops
I absolutely adore this. It is number 1 for a reason.
Thanks for having a look and nice words.
Glad this seemed to work for you. Much appreciated.
The body, the essence, of all life now fades
There is no escape, from the silence that waits
Thanks for reading and commenting.
"The body, the essence, of all life now fades
There is no escape, from the silence that waits"
^ I like that ^
Wow. That's really depressing. It makes me want to curl up in a ball and... die. Really good poem if your goal was to make me feel like death.
Didn't mean to get you down but thanks a lot for reading and commenting.
tech note... is the last line supposed to be a step to the left of the rest of the lines?
Duly noted and modified. It was the (") that gave it the space. Thanks.
Noir indeed 10
Thanks for reading and brief comment.
JKWEB I would walk through fiery gardens for you. Your the greatest. The chills, when I read your words, invigorate me. I sooooooo look forward to reading your next great write.
Thank you very much. Glad you like it.
This is awesome. :D DAmn awesome
I appreciate you taking the time to read and the positive response.
love lines 17,18,10
Thanks for reading and commenting.
She is waiting.
I know unknown one...and I'll be there soon enough. Thanks for reading.
I read this the other day, Popped up as random and stuck in my mind.
You have a way with words.
Web this is one of my favorites by you. It's better everytime I read it. :)
thanks for the kudos Quen. glad you like it.
many thanks mandolyn for the return visit.
This comment has been suspended by a moderator.
spam bump and slight edit
Few watch aficionados realize that the Japanese brand seiko watch has a history as old as many of its Swiss rivals. Founded in the 1880s, the company began manufacturing wrist seiko watches after World War I and quickly became an innovative leader, developing one of the world's first seiko automati c and seiko chronograph. But perhaps Seiko's greatest achievement came about in its race with the American brand Bulova to harness new technology, leading to the quartz watch, which revolutionized the industry and nearly drove the Swiss out of business.
More innovations followed, including the first computer wristwatch, in 1984, and the first nonbattery s eiko kinetic watch. To this list we can now add another groundbreaker: the Seiko Spring Drive mechanical movement, which is accurate to one second per day, making it approximately three times more precise than the average mechanical watch. The Spring Drive also provides an enduring seventy-two hours of power reserve (most watches offer about forty) and winds 30 percent faster than a conventional movement.
According to seiko uk, twenty-eight years of work went into developing this movement, and only five of the company's hundreds of watchmakers possess the requisite skills to assemble it. Regardless of its technological history, the seiko 5 is a skillfully designed watch, with graceful hands and interesting use of off-center dials.
Seiko watches have a very rich heritage dating way back to the nineteenth century that was and still is dedicated to perfection. Environmental issues nowadays are a big factor that drives consumer buying habits. This Seiko Watch has been blazing the trail when it comes to combining environmental conservation and watch making.
Seiko UK are produced in plants that have fully complied with the waste disposal management regulations. This has gone down to the process of production to intricate steps of soldering where the quantities of lead have been reduced. This Seiko Watches UK has many firsts including being the only one to fit mercury free batteries.
Currently research is underway to develop alternative sources of power to cut down on the impact of used and discarded batteries. In addition to this, Seiko Solar powered units are being tested in a bid to completely eliminate the use of batteries in the watches. Such a display of an aggressive desire to go green has not been witnessed for a very long time.
To further underscore the uniqueness of these products, only a small number of technicians are involved during the actual production of these watches. Production is shared between two studios and two hundred and forty craftsmen. Seiko has been a pioneer in watch production, the first divers piece was commissioned by this company in the early sixties. It could resist the water pressure up to a depth of one hundred and fifty metres.
The Seiko Sale has the collection of Ladies Seiko Watches,Seiko Kinetic,Seik o Monster,Seiko Automatic,Seiko 5,Seiko Mens Watches,you are warm welcome to buy one from them.
In sixteen twenty-one,a big celebration of barbour ja cket took place at Plymouth Colony in what is now the state of Massachusetts.European settlers known as the barbour jackets were celebrating their autumn harvest after a winter of struggle.
Other colonists held earlier ceremonies of thanks.But the Pilgrims' three-day feast is often called the nation's first barb our coats Thanksgiving.President Abraham Lincoln declared a national holiday in eighteen sixty-three during the Civil War.
Today families and friends gather on the fourth Thursday in November.And,thanks to the barbour quilted jacket United States Census Bureau,here are some facts about where their Thanksgiving meal comes from.
The main dish is traditionally a turkey.About two-thirds of the nation's turkeys are produced in Minnesota and five other quilted barbour jackets states.Producers are expected to raise two hundred forty-eight million birds this year,two percent more than last year.
Popular side dishes include cranberries and sweet potatoes.Last year North Carolina barbour sale grew more sweet potatoes than any other state.Wisconsin is expected to be the top cranberry producer this year.
People often finish the meal with pumpkin pie.Last year Illinois grew the most pumpkins.California,New York,Ohio and barb our uk were also major pumpkin producers.
Thanksgiving is a big event,but buying a barbour mens traditional holiday meal can be a struggle for the poor.So charity groups often hold food drives to collect food for barbour ladies low-income families.
green eggs and ham
few more edits
Some people have died and come back.
They say it's like being abducted by aliens.
Really? Really? This the 17th best poem on here? Really?
I've read Dante a lot, but this doesn't conjure him up for me. Strangely, I like "Heal my wounds and whisper death"--hi, btw, thanks for the interesting read!