poetry critical

online poetry workshop



linus inspired buffalo bill
jenakajoffer

sometimes he turns
 1
from that sweet peanuts boy
 2
into something queer and frightful
 3
like when buffalo bill says
 4
i'd fuck me
 5
and tucks in his junk
 6
 
 
in dreams he tortures me
 7
with a pool noodle
 8
until i come face to face
 9
with his dirty white pooch
 10
and he laughs when i cry
 11
at the ugliest one ever
 12
 
 
he wants me to put lotion
 13
on his skin, crack pepper
 14
for special effect
 15
as he feeds on carp sandwiches,
 16
his stink-eye all over me
 17
 
 
well i tell you
 18
i'm no jellyfish, no size 9
 19
to make skirt with;
 20
not big enough, mac
 21
to share skin
 22
and choke down your
 23
sailor's sick dog
 24

3 Mar 10

Rated 10 (8.1) by 7 users.
Active (7): 9, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (11): 1, 1, 1, 3, 6, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(71 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

In the immortal words of Hannibal Lector; "oh goody goody"
 — unknown

nice comment there, unk. :)  
(hannibal lecter is a great inspiration).
 — jenakajoffer

Did someone say cannibal lecturn?
 — Redlander

repissed is such a strong word
i can't seem to ignore it.

did i read 'crap' sandwiches, too?
hmm, another strong word there.

where duh hell is linus when you need him?
; )
 — fractalcore

he'll be come runnin soon enough.

hey Red, nice to see you.
thanks fract.  gotta love carp.
 — jenakajoffer

This is cool Jen, full of a sort of dark humour. Love 'stink-eye'. Love 'tucks in his junk'.

I remember liking it the first time around as well..
 — PollyReg

Hi Polly, thanks for reading,
haha, yeah, the stink eye is my favourite part of carp.
 — jenakajoffer

i think i may have had a dream last night where somebody mentioned a "pool noodle"- in reference to me i cannot be sure but it was kind of funny.
 — DeformedLion

hehe, linus, how wonderful it is to have ties.  noodles are good ties too.
 — jenakajoffer

by the way, i was just watching silence of the lambs while on the eliptical trainer (ha, it's on right now!  i have the song goodbye horses on my ipod; the one playing during the i'd fuck me part.  god i'm sick.
 — jenakajoffer

"No! He covets. That is his nature. And how do we begin to covet, Clarice? Do we seek out things to covet? Make an effort to answer now."

Why does this quote come to mind when thinking of you on an elipitical? Oh yeah, cause you write like a freaking monster.

This is outstanding!
 — PaleHorse

"you write like a freaking monster"  
best
comment
ever.

thank you so much palehorse,
pleeeeease repost the rose!
 — jenakajoffer

come on my peeps, lets bring this back to the top.
 — DeformedLion

Hussy.
 — unknown

Weel this hussy is some fantastic writer ---
 — unknown

a little over-played sometimes, saying too much. maybe later you'll re-read this and make some cuts so that what's good in it comes out strong and puts some spine into the spineless and gives hope to anyone who knows it's about the art of poetry and not the poetry of talk.
 — bmikebauer

I like this as it is! 10
 — BxPR

nice comment mike, thanks.  i will probably do that.  

and bxpr, thank you too.

linus is one of my peeps.
 — jenakajoffer

I re-member this ... the imagery is smooth and 'swell'
 — AlchemiA

Excellent poem and fabulous comments.  I can't top either so I'll just say this is really, really well done.
 — sybarite

Cool poem but weird.
 — psychofemale

well this poem is for my linus, and he's weird, so thanks!  your comment is spot on!
 — jenakajoffer

hey linus, this was what started it all, right?
man. sometimes i am such a deformed genius.  =-)
 — jenakajoffer

nah
 — DeformedLion

it was the pink bits of our hands which started it all. and the intoxicated zombie tribe which strove to sing our anthem.

hmmm, carp oil. rub it on ya.

...
i think i want to get sick with this. wam bam thank oi oi oi. the bumblebee has no master. maybe just a queen :
 — DeformedLion

playing with the queen of carp is no choking matter. :p

this is older than march 2010, wish i never deleted the original. i could edit in places now that i look back, but i ain't gonna.
 — jenakajoffer

Right off the bat, you're "likening" Linus to Buffalo Bill which means this a poem is just one long simile. Make Buffalo Bill and Linus the same person and separated only by age.
 — Coldwell

it's hard to understand a mini-series that's been going on for 4 years by watching just one episode.  at least you tuned into the first one.  now the question is, was it interesting enough to keep watching? probably not.

this is a limited audience type-thing as it is. doesn't bother me, but i think they do get better as time went on. this one is silly, but it's still one of my faves out of the ones i've written.  

it is interesting to hear a different opinion on this old dog, but i don't find the comment very helpful because i think you've missed what this is all about, think you got too hung up on the title, and to no fault of your own, you're entitled to say whatever you think. and i appreciate it.

it was as a response poem, and this IS one person, it's not a big long simile.
thank you for reading.  i shall return the favour.
 — jenakajoffer

I clapped at the end. I love this. :)
 — Amalgamono

haha, omg i'm stoked you're a fan of this, Amalgaloo.  it turned into a series over the years.  it's where i go when i have no inspiration to write.  which is all the time lately. LOL
 — jenakajoffer

0.227s