poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Onomatopoet
sybarite

From the white noise
 1
of blank paper
 2
a poet solicits
 3
sound for the soundless
 4
and pens the whisper of a curve,
 5
the pandemonium in a riot of curls
 6
or the jangle of injustice
 7
carried in the pockets of man.
 8
 
 
A poet transcribes
 9
the staccato rattle in lonesome,
 10
the boom of loss
 11
and the cacophony of joy
 12
for those without the art
 13
to hear the weft
 14
and the kilter.
 15

7 Mar 10

Rated 7.3 (7.7) by 6 users.
Active (6): 8, 8, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (5): 1, 1, 3, 9, 10, 10

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(127 more poems by this author)

(2 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

LOVELY!
=)
 — mandolyn

nice moves, great sentiment -- Poetry is the motion of emotion crafted into a language only the heart can hear, like music resonating in your brain, making it clear, that Love has no opposite, not even 'fear' -- musicality and internal rhythms, assonance and absurd schisms, a relentless word-play that has its say, the tongue licking your inner-ear, the heart torn by despair, an ancient-ache spilling from the pen, this is the Art of Poetry then ...
 — AlchemiA

nicely written.....

enjoyed the words weft and kilter, they sound lovely......their use here is a bit confusing to me, unless I am not operating with the same definitions....

clever title
 — Tandisol

Thank you all for reading and commenting, appreciated.
Tandisol--I used weft and kilter in reference to the "fabric of life" so to speak.  
 — sybarite

Oh, then that makes sense.  Thank you for clarifying it for me.  Sometimes colloquial phrases escape the usual dictionary definition understanding.
 — Tandisol

simply beautiful
 — Ansel

i was expecting something different from the title- thought this would be all gimmicky with funny little asides, but no, it is lovely/LOVELY! and without going into detail, well, i guess i'll just leave it there.
 — DeformedLion

this is pretty much the kind of writing which makes people hate poetry -- people who read only for content, say... or, people who thought poetry was supposed to work on the imagination. it's the kind of work which gets you into some writers program in iowa and keeps you writing safe.
 — bmikebauer

Never heard of "weft", but love this poem.
I wouldn't use "and" to start a line... just a suggestion.  Usually the line can survive without it.
 — aforbing

to make this work, i'd replace 'a poet' with 'I' and run with it -- take the world by the collar.

i solicit sound for the sleeper,
whisper curves on paper.
 — bmikebauer

Thanks for the feedback everyone.
 — sybarite

This is a wonderful, well crafted piece!  You hooked me with the title and had me all the way through--this poem made my day!
 — PaulS

Thank you PaulS, appreciate the feedback!
 — sybarite

What a great title!  That caught my attention and the rest of the poem kept me interested.  Lines 9-10 are my favorite, I can feel them easily.  
 — Isabelle5

wonderful imagism and word choices!  Nicey, nicey!
 — jpmhawk

Isabelle and jpmhawk, many thanks for the read and feedback!
 — sybarite

lovely poem.  i enjoyed the way you've employed your words, so unique, refreshing.

i would only suggest not using 'poet' twice, and changing 'man' to 'men'.
cacophony for meaning is great, but i find the syllable count way too long for this line.  in fact, a one syl word would imo, work best.

nice poem =-)
 — jenakajoffer

Thanks jen, will consider some changes.  Appreciate the feedback.
 — sybarite

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