poetry critical

online poetry workshop



gen why
aurelius

such wonderful plastic.
 1
 
 
y'know, those pearl earrings
 2
from claire's
 3
dangling bait-like from lobes
 4
in the blue glow of lotto signs--
 5
i mean, right?
 6
              that's what's up
 7
 
 
drake told me so,
 8
  he likes your
 9
  chucks colored
 10
  pink-green
 11
  with his lyrics
 12
 
 
and, those shutter shades
 13
from hot topic
 14
slitted like a chicken shack,
 15
bisecting what you see--
 16
you fly girl
 17
            facebook me
 18
 
 
we like words petrochemical:
 19
  idk who thoreau is
 20
  i'll youtube it, lol
 21
--i carved our names
 22
in a redwood and
 23
half-dry sidewalk
 24
 
 
at the club, superchic silver
 25
here come jagerbombs
 26
for your twenty-first--
 27
  tweet this!
 28
--i skinnydipped
 29
the river, dried myself
 30
in the sun
 31

17 Mar 10

Rated 6.2 (8.1) by 12 users.
Active (12): 9, 10, 10
Inactive (10): 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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Comments:

: )
 — bmikebauer

such wonderful poem
 — DeformedLion

n i c e .
 — mandolyn

if anyone ever asks why 'website' or 'coffee house' poetry should be paid attention to, i'd point them to gems like this one and ask them what 'academic' poetry has ever done for people who actually love poetry.
 — bmikebauer

this is incredible!  superchic, jagerbombs, wow!
facebook me? hahaha, that is soooo funny.

you are a very flirtatious writer, always loved your tone.
 — jenakajoffer

gracias, amigos
 — aurelius

Ahahahaha amazitastical. Modern with a lower-case m. Beautiful with a capital B.

I heart youuuuuu.
 — laura352

you're like an intelligent raskolniikov. hiccup.
 — unknown

heh heh in the meiotic-dance we had at high school out in the baseball diamond, I was the 'whY' chromosome with a perplexed-angst written all over my face, while a
thousand-grenades of testosterone fragged me from inside ... this is topical and pushes the conceit that being bent and fractured is part way to complete -- nicely done and fun aurilious one
 — AlchemiA

This is current and TIGHT!  Tweet tweet!  LOVE Hot Topic too!  :-)
 — starr

love the title!  we are the why generation... could also be gen why not!  Nice!
 — jpmhawk

oooh mysterious
i wonder what they said
 — aurelius

Hahaha!  Fabulous!  You have surpassed yourself, sir aurelius!
 — PaulS

why is this so great?

honest opinions plz
 — unknown

13-18 did it for me.
Great stuff.
:)
 — mandolyn

the honest critiques abound if you've eyes to see that this Poet is pushing language to the limits of honesty - he's making meaning in the metaphors for gen whY, the innuendo of the tweet, today's lullabye - it's really sweet 'bout how love is visceral in all the minutiae of boredom and hormones raging in the tattoo's on their skin - their is no sin when you live in the moment, only the wisdom of the street made complete in the tweet ...
 — AlchemiA

this Poet sees reality - reality has two eyes looking from inside of you, truth and beauty glimmering with many reflections, mirrors are they too ...
 — AlchemiA

it's actually, i feel, that he's weaving a veil of magic on us, but using interesting words which sound musical, and putting the words against each other to make evocative third-words or concepts we can't imagine and must add an emotion to in order to allow ourselves to feel them.

you might call this kind of writing 'third-word' poetry... something out of imagism, but with conviction that being human means eating the cherry and not just reading about it with a superior aire.
 — bmikebauer

yes, 'third-word' poetry in which the cadence of the sentence rises as waves from the sounds as another synergy-layer of momentum --

writing percepts with a lyrical pen
that babbles like a brook of words
that meander down the page,
while unfettered, glistening fish jump
from line to line seeking the source
of their urgent drive home,
always going home
 — AlchemiA

actually, it's better than that -- a reflection off a colored wall combines with a reflection off a lake to form 'face seen on a manhatten street'...

: )
 — bmikebauer

mike i would like your interpretation of this line by line - your insight would be a nice change instead of riddles
 — unknown

i don't make 'riddles', i say it as i understand it for people who want that kind of understanding. i can't explain this in your terms, because i don't know you -- you're the unk who told me to die, maybe... or, maybe the unk who likes cheap comic-club writing...

tell me who you are by telling me what poems you've posted and which serious comments you've made on poetry, so that i can know how to explain to you how i explain things to myself.
 — bmikebauer

yes the street-tweet has the audacity to cope with all the many reflections of living in hope
 — AlchemiA

ignore the insane bullshit drivel of the idiot bauer.
best way.
 — unknown

the more bauer comments on this poem the more 1s it will get
 — unknown

ohnohZ, unK took out his right to shoot down the best with the vengeance of the wild-wild west with four 1's in a row, and that's how the rest will go ... ohnoZ
 — AlchemiA

Aww, that was just mean.  Thanks, though mike and Alch.
 — aurelius

aurior, repost if you need, and i won't comment.
 — bmikebauer

this is svelte. + up. nice work.
 — SarahMichele

I'm not worried.  Your comments are welcome.  
I've experienced unk's frustration before-- some work, you just can't figure out why it's top rated.  And to the little bastard's credit, no one has been too specific on what's working and what isn't.
But still, so childish.  I mean, c'mon, it's just online poetry, dude. I imagine the unk is the same kind of person whose week would be ruined by losing an argument on the WoW forums.
 — aurelius

you know i'm no fan of the rating system, but this is so nice that it'd be good if more people read it, and they seem to read what's approved...

it isn't that often that we get innovative writing from a feeling for poetry here -- where it looks like it's written from inside the vision instead of from a dictionary. this one says through form and wording.

if you'd care to, can you check out 'in truth, i'm lost'...? it's a formal piece, but maybe has some internal structures which give it a spine?
 — bmikebauer

same with this one, love.
you really know how to make enemies, ey?
i give it a 10 ;)
 — chumble

Nice!!!
 — psychofemale

Where are you?
 — unknown

damnit, aurelius!
; )
 — fractalcore

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 — shaotang

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 — unknown

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 — shaotang

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 — shaotang

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