|Supper with The Mimes (Soupline Meditation #8)
with their hands
for more potatoes and corn
filing in with broken spirit
and feet, weary...
18 Mar 10
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another nice short and sweet one! I think you could do without the "after" in line5 and maybe add a comma after street?
Thanks, jpm! Suggestions valid and taken and appreciate the comments! :-)
a rich nugget, bite size notation observation. nice.
Thanks, unk! Appreciate that! :-)
crisp and succint, simply beautiful
Thanks, Ansel! YOU'RE beautiful! Glad u like this! :-)
an image carved in pavement worn by years of looking down -- somehow the last line is too long and does not give a shock-of-insight - perhaps
and feet so weary, worn
or somethin' - in any event this is authentic post-modern imagism imbued with a romantic-heart full of compassion in action - that can only be starry-mann
Alch! Thanks! I like your suggestion and I value it for the Master Poet you are! I'm glad you like this! You ALWAYS warm my heart with your love for me and my writing! Peace, my Northern friend! :-) xo
Alch: I went for "blistered" instead "weary" where the two "w" words seem so closely related. Thanks again, buddy! :-) xo
I changed it back to your original suggestion, Alch. I just needed to adjust the punctuation (so it would breathe and read right) and the line breaks. xo!
hah -- insightful and full of love, bruTha! sweetly rendered ... thanks for your generous spirit kindly bent to ease us ...
I fuckin' love you, Alch! Thanks 4 da help! Take care of yo'self up there! xo
great little series...the soupline meditations!
Great title and another tenderly rendered look at the soupline. Love it Starr!
aurelius and Tandi! Thanks, guyz! Tandi...your comment is so awesome. I always thought of the soupline as such an important and beautiful daily place for seven years working at the soup kitchen. It always made me happy watching'em all stuff their faces with all kinds of good shit. If they didn't eat their vegetables (to absorb all the booze,) I wouldn't give 'em dessert. It was always so cute to see big, brazen, freshly outta jail brothas whinin' because they wanted a cupcake and I wouldn't give it to 'em until they ate their broccoli! LOL! God, I loved my babies! And they WERE...MY little babies. I wouldn't've traded those seven years for anything else in the world. I was blessed to be there. Too bad the administration was so crooked, but that's on them. I got the love, so it didn't really matter either way. Assholes. Thanks 4 diggin' where I'm comin' from, guyz. Means a lot. Peaceout. :-) xo
p.s. And I forgot...I deleted an entire chunk out of the poem because it took away from the rhyme scheme. (But I kept YOUR part, Alch!) Nite nite, y'all! Thanks again. :-) xo
the count is perfect, nicely metered...succinctly said, such that you have said it well.
Thank you, Deformed King of da Catz. Glad u dig it. :-)
Feet worn... spirit weary...Oh how the Bard becomes it... Starr, our shining poet, ... J.g. smiles
Awwww, j.g. and frac...thank you. :-) xo
Sounds to me like the soupline is a sort of rosary.
Totally, Nic. I worked for a United Church of Christ's shelter and soup kitchen for 7 years. It's a place I hold dear in my heart. Like most church's adminstrations, it just got to be a little too political and toxic for me; quite painfully, it was one of the most toxic and hostile work environments I've ever been a part of. It was hard work, but I did it out of love. Then the suits came in and it became "business" over "human service." Very sad (for the ones who needed the services.) There were some ugly, ugly players in directorial roles, let it suffice to say, namingly a reverend who couldn't move homeless, addicted and battered people, let alone a single floorboard in her dull and lifeless (hopeless) Sunday masses. She finally got the boot shortly after I walked. Yay! Peace. :-) &nb sp;
Isn't that always the way? Honest and genuine people taking care of one another and then the politics and business of running the shelter negate the acts of kindness being wrought be loving people.........i dare say, there is more sadness in that than there is in the lives of the people being served.
Exactly, Tandi. I, too, take the same humane approach 2 life/living. It's important. Why be like the rest who live 2 trash and bash others? Those are the ones who should just go somewhere and blow themselves up cuz they suck and bring nothin' 2 others except grief. Fuckers. Have a nice weekend. :-)
save me a piece o da corn!
I will save YOU the whole COB, babygirl! :-)
Oh, and thanks 4 the 1's, beeYOTCHES! It don't mattah...I already hit #1. It must s.t.b.y. (suck 2b u!
This is beautifully written starr--such a sad portrait of the human condition and it puts me right in the middle of it.
Thanks, Paul. Glad u like it. :-)
I really like this one... they are reduced to mimes because they are too weary to wield words?
Eggs ZACHARY! Plus, some people on the street CAN'T speak because some are deaf, some are schizophrenic, some are in states (of trauma) in which they can hear but cannot get the words out, so they gesture with their hands, etc...ALL kinds of things apply here, but the one thing I wanted 2 get across was the fact that the soupline is a real place too and in that real place, there are characters and life just as rich as we know it, but on a different scale. Peace and thanks for checkin' my soupline out. Appreciate that! :-)
I enjoyed this one :)
Thanks, techo! I owe this one to AlchemiA who was kind enuff 2 help me better craft those last two lines. Glad u like it! :-)
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