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Crooked Sanity
JKWeb

I don't care
 1
to know you
 2
 
 
I can't feel your pain
 3
as your scarlet heart
 4
drips from ruptured skin
 5
 
 
I derive a sense of pleasure-
 6
I feel its stain
 7
you feel its sting-
 8
 
 
flesh strewn about the room
 9
blood splattered paint
 10
nerves tattered faint
 11
 
 
agony worn
 12
torn to ribbons-
 13
 
 
I go about my day
 14
and bathe in the air
 15
of your decay
 16

26 Mar 10

Rated 9.5 (9.6) by 4 users.
Active (4): 9, 10
Inactive (3): 9, 9, 10, 10

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Comments:

I just watched this movie last weekend!
Good write.
 — mandolyn

    No "Stranger" to me, Viet Nam 1967...
Fucking Viet Nam... excellent perspective j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

Splendid work, Web. If you haven't checked out new release "Brothers" it'll warm your hear and chill you to the bone both; contemporary Afghanistan war movie. Ouch.
 — NicMichaels

mandolyn-
Thanks for reading and commenting.  That movie was cold and gruesome for sure.  It was loosely based on true events...you can see it on youtube; News footage about Cabin 28:  The Keddie Murders.  I wish I could give the link but I'm like a caveman when it comes to these things.  
 — JKWeb

goeszon-
I appreciate you having a look at this one.  Many thanks.
 — JKWeb

NicMichaels-
Thanks for the positive words.  I haven't seen "Brothers" yet but I'll definitely check it out.  
 — JKWeb

Cold and detached, but a necessary reality, especially in the context of war (I can only imagine).  Very well written!
 — Tandisol

Tandisol-
Thanks for reading and feedback.  I wasn't taking a war angle with this but I see what you mean and based on goeszon's comment...
 — JKWeb

wounded-healers are often the best at getting to the core-confliction which maims a person into bleeding hyper-equivocation and despair, while you heal them with catharsis bringing a tear toward crystalEYEsing in them to be aware, let go, move-on, life 'ain't fair ...

dualistic themes like destructive-creation or crooked-sanity often lead to either a deeply unhappy cynicism moderated by a glowing-pessimism or a melancholy-faith - addicted to conflicted - however, a joyous realization often follows these disappointments when we see that the dice are loaded and we need not gamble ... a freedom from freedom

the addicted to conflicted are often referred to in cliche-isms - 'intelligent people are rarely happy, as opposed to the bliss of ignorance' -- the paradox is resolved by revising the model of well-being - the simple beauty of sadness in the plain-intelligence of awareness is a condition that arises from the joyous-misery of non-attachment, while happiness in itself is a question for the theorists of philosophy and religion ...

this is the school of Poetry where the goal is to follow your heart then use your head... while the conflicted-heroes we write about are hanging cross-wise, riddled with choices, healing the wounds of reason with the many reflections of Poetry.

your Poem plumbs the conflict of the wounded-healer, also taking a sense of pleasure in blood-stained misery - perhaps because this wounded-healer has also found a refuge of selfless-Peace in the midst of this 'war' of broken-bones, blood and tissue in the operating theater - a sort of joyful-misery in non-attached action with a sliding-scale of goals that end in either a best-Death scenario or a maimed-life compromise -- not an easy weight to bear made a little more bearable in your opening lines, 'I don't care to know you' --

however, the Scientific-objectiveness of disciplined neutrality is mirrored in the compassion in action of non-attachment which dives deep into the critical-now

forgive and forget and bloody-well-writ, with your on-the-ground-running sentiment, Doc ;)
 — AlchemiA

cynical-idealism is a joyful-despair and a matter of crooked-sanity for all wounded-healers ... ;)
 — AlchemiA

AlchemiA-
Thanks for your detailed crit.  I appreciate you taking the time to dissect the write.  There are many poems to be found in your interpretation.  Namaste.
 — JKWeb

JK, you continue to amaze me with your ventures into the macabre--the last stanza is gold.  I think you could lose the footnote and let this piece stand alone with no explaination.
 — PaulS

Paul's suggestion puts you here: Without the reference, the poem is still very clear and becomes more universal. If you want to keep some kind of reference, maybe incorporate it into the title or create a more formal attribution. See Denise Levertov, has a collection like this, and you would like her work anyhoo.
 — NicMichaels

PaulS-
Thanks for reading and favoring.  As you can see, I've omitted the footnote.  
 — JKWeb

NicMichaels-
Thanks for the re-visit.  I will give D. Levertov's work a look.
 — JKWeb

I really enjoy your work.
 — unknown

This was a great movie
 — unknown

I really enjoyed this!! Very good!
 — psychofemale

unknown 1-
Thank you very much.  I appreciate the pos. feedback.
 — JKWeb

unknown 2-
Yeah, it was a heavy movie.  Thanks for having a look.
 — JKWeb

psychofemale-
Thanks for reading and the nice words.  Namaste.
 — JKWeb

quite like it
 — greenmantle

greenmantle-
Thanks for reading and the + crit.
 — JKWeb

I'm interested to know, when you use the word "cool" in a comment, is the usage a response to a prior mentioning of the word on the site, or an honest evaluation based on either life exerience or a degree in fashion?  i like your poetry, it's just i'm having difficulty equating it's meaning with your commentary.

--Dormat
 — unknown

Dormat-
Thanks for reading and the "cool" comment.  Ha.  Well, in answer to your question, cool is my favorite adjective is all.  
 — JKWeb

lol, mine too

-- Dormat
 — unknown

ohhhh.....I like this...its mean!
 — psychofemale

I had to read it again sorry! :D
 — psychofemale

really just fits my mood right now...blahhh
 — psychofemale

psychofemale-
Thanks for the multiple reads.  
 — JKWeb

Dormat-
thanks for re-visiting!
 — JKWeb

nice poem, great flow.  I might suggest omitting a few "I"s, namely those in L3 and 8.
in aid to omit some 'telling' and provide more natural perspective, I might also suggest omitting 'blood' and 'torn'.   you have successfully brought us those images already, so I don't see the need to mention them.

thanks :)
 — jenakajoffer

jen-
Thanks for reading and the detailed crit.  I will give your suggestions some thought.
 — JKWeb

good, strong writing.
 — manuka

manuka-
Thanks for reading and the positive words.
 — JKWeb

slight edits
 — JKWeb

bum pity
 — JKWeb

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