I don't care
to know you
I can't feel your pain
as your scarlet heart
drips from ruptured skin
I derive a sense of pleasure-
I feel its stain
you feel its sting-
flesh strewn about the room
blood splattered paint
nerves tattered faint
torn to ribbons-
I go about my day
and bathe in the air
of your decay
26 Mar 10
Rated 9.5 (9.6) by 4 users.
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I just watched this movie last weekend!
No "Stranger" to me, Viet Nam 1967...
Fucking Viet Nam... excellent perspective j.g. smiles
Splendid work, Web. If you haven't checked out new release "Brothers" it'll warm your hear and chill you to the bone both; contemporary Afghanistan war movie. Ouch.
Thanks for reading and commenting. That movie was cold and gruesome for sure. It was loosely based on true events...you can see it on youtube; News footage about Cabin 28: The Keddie Murders. I wish I could give the link but I'm like a caveman when it comes to these things.
I appreciate you having a look at this one. Many thanks.
Thanks for the positive words. I haven't seen "Brothers" yet but I'll definitely check it out.
Cold and detached, but a necessary reality, especially in the context of war (I can only imagine). Very well written!
Thanks for reading and feedback. I wasn't taking a war angle with this but I see what you mean and based on goeszon's comment...
wounded-healers are often the best at getting to the core-confliction which maims a person into bleeding hyper-equivocation and despair, while you heal them with catharsis bringing a tear toward crystalEYEsing in them to be aware, let go, move-on, life 'ain't fair ...
dualistic themes like destructive-creation or crooked-sanity often lead to either a deeply unhappy cynicism moderated by a glowing-pessimism or a melancholy-faith - addicted to conflicted - however, a joyous realization often follows these disappointments when we see that the dice are loaded and we need not gamble ... a freedom from freedom
the addicted to conflicted are often referred to in cliche-isms - 'intelligent people are rarely happy, as opposed to the bliss of ignorance' -- the paradox is resolved by revising the model of well-being - the simple beauty of sadness in the plain-intelligence of awareness is a condition that arises from the joyous-misery of non-attachment, while happiness in itself is a question for the theorists of philosophy and religion ...
this is the school of Poetry where the goal is to follow your heart then use your head... while the conflicted-heroes we write about are hanging cross-wise, riddled with choices, healing the wounds of reason with the many reflections of Poetry.
your Poem plumbs the conflict of the wounded-healer, also taking a sense of pleasure in blood-stained misery - perhaps because this wounded-healer has also found a refuge of selfless-Peace in the midst of this 'war' of broken-bones, blood and tissue in the operating theater - a sort of joyful-misery in non-attached action with a sliding-scale of goals that end in either a best-Death scenario or a maimed-life compromise -- not an easy weight to bear made a little more bearable in your opening lines, 'I don't care to know you' --
however, the Scientific-objectiveness of disciplined neutrality is mirrored in the compassion in action of non-attachment which dives deep into the critical-now
forgive and forget and bloody-well-writ, with your on-the-ground-running sentiment, Doc ;)
cynical-idealism is a joyful-despair and a matter of crooked-sanity for all wounded-healers ... ;)
Thanks for your detailed crit. I appreciate you taking the time to dissect the write. There are many poems to be found in your interpretation. Namaste.
JK, you continue to amaze me with your ventures into the macabre--the last stanza is gold. I think you could lose the footnote and let this piece stand alone with no explaination.
Paul's suggestion puts you here: Without the reference, the poem is still very clear and becomes more universal. If you want to keep some kind of reference, maybe incorporate it into the title or create a more formal attribution. See Denise Levertov, has a collection like this, and you would like her work anyhoo.
Thanks for reading and favoring. As you can see, I've omitted the footnote.
Thanks for the re-visit. I will give D. Levertov's work a look.
I really enjoy your work.
This was a great movie
I really enjoyed this!! Very good!
Thank you very much. I appreciate the pos. feedback.
Yeah, it was a heavy movie. Thanks for having a look.
Thanks for reading and the nice words. Namaste.
quite like it
Thanks for reading and the + crit.
I'm interested to know, when you use the word "cool" in a comment, is the usage a response to a prior mentioning of the word on the site, or an honest evaluation based on either life exerience or a degree in fashion? i like your poetry, it's just i'm having difficulty equating it's meaning with your commentary.
Thanks for reading and the "cool" comment. Ha. Well, in answer to your question, cool is my favorite adjective is all.
lol, mine too
ohhhh.....I like this...its mean!
I had to read it again sorry! :D
really just fits my mood right now...blahhh
Thanks for the multiple reads.
thanks for re-visiting!
nice poem, great flow. I might suggest omitting a few "I"s, namely those in L3 and 8.
in aid to omit some 'telling' and provide more natural perspective, I might also suggest omitting 'blood' and 'torn'. you have successfully brought us those images already, so I don't see the need to mention them.
Thanks for reading and the detailed crit. I will give your suggestions some thought.
good, strong writing.
Thanks for reading and the positive words.