It's bad enough
walking down these halls of memories
then I see your room
and butterflies fly into me
I'm too nervous to even put a foot in
much less two
I still feel you here with me
watching my every move
You loved me more than life itself
That's what you'd always say
I'll never forget those words
I'll remember everyday
The doves have been released
but you'll stay in my heart
Closer than before
We'll never be apart
I wrote this for my best friend whose grandmother passed away recently. She wanted me to write a poem from her perspective. RIP Nanny
1 Apr 10
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A tender tribute....nicely written
Thank you :D
yes, as a second person tribute, as a writer speaking for another, this works. as true poetry it would contain far more abstracts that speak to anyone, but still, not bad.
would be much better without "of memories"...
Thanks guys! I really appreciate it! :D
uptight rhyme but its okay
What do you mean uptight??
i mean you need a thesarus
A sweet tirbute, but u really need sum work.
lotta pressure, writing someone else's feelings.
bluntly, this is generic. high schoolish
start over. dig way, way deeper. toss the rhyme.
like a tourist--
then, your room.
(my head is a
gut a butterfly
and beetle cage)
do you watch me
at the doorframe
like a moth
in a vacuum?
still, your words
are ringing, aching
tenderly as the dove's
first failure to fly
i am forever
Thanks for the feedback guys. I had to go off of her exact words and ideas so it was a bit hard.
why didn't write her own feelings and words, and you just write a poem?
that would be better.
however, it was very kind of you to help your friend express herself through your poem, and my heart goes out to her loss.
deformed and aurelius make good points, and i stand behind their advice.
Thank you for your feedback. That's what I wanted to do, but just was damned and determined I wrote her a poem! LOL.
I really appreciate your honest opinion though :)
but she was*
This is sweet. I'm not the type to write or read tribute poems, but this one was down to earth. I like it.
thank you :) that really means more than you know
A very sweet poem. Goodbye is hard.
thank you so much :)
yes, it is hard to say goodbye...:(