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Room 312
psychofemale

It's bad enough
 1
walking down these halls of memories
 2
then I see your room
 3
and butterflies fly into me
 4
I'm too nervous to even put a foot in
 5
much less two
 6
I still feel you here with me
 7
watching my every move
 8
You loved me more than life itself
 9
That's what you'd always say
 10
I'll never forget those words
 11
I'll remember everyday
 12
The doves have been released
 13
but you'll stay in my heart
 14
Closer than before
 15
We'll never be apart
 16

I wrote this for my best friend whose grandmother passed away recently. She wanted me to write a poem from her perspective. RIP Nanny

1 Apr 10

Rated 7 (8.3) by 1 users.
Active (1): 7
Inactive (2): 9, 9

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Comments:

A tender tribute....nicely written
 — Tandisol

Thank you :D
 — psychofemale

yes, as a second person tribute, as a writer speaking for another, this works. as true poetry it would contain far more abstracts that speak to anyone, but still, not bad.
 — jharrison

would be much better without "of memories"...
 — DeformedLion

Thanks guys! I really appreciate it! :D
 — psychofemale

uptight rhyme but its okay
 — unknown

What do you mean uptight??
 — psychofemale

i mean you need a thesarus
 — unknown

Alright.
 — psychofemale

A sweet tirbute, but u really need sum work.
 — unknown

lotta pressure, writing someone else's feelings.
bluntly, this is generic.  high schoolish
start over.  dig way, way deeper.  toss the rhyme.
 — aurelius

bad enough
hall-walking
your life
like a tourist--
   then, your room.
   (my head is a
   pillow case,
   gut a butterfly
   and beetle cage)
  
do you watch me
hover
at the doorframe
like a moth
in a vacuum?

   still, your words
   are ringing, aching
   tenderly as the dove's
   first failure to fly

i am forever
your keeper,
always
 — unknown

Thanks for the feedback guys. I had to go off of her exact words and ideas so it was a bit hard.
 — psychofemale

why didn't write her own feelings and words, and you just write a poem?
that would be better.
:)
 — jenakajoffer

however, it was very kind of you to help your friend express herself through your poem, and my heart goes out to her loss.  

critically,
deformed and aurelius make good points, and i stand behind their advice.

that said,
nice gesture,
:)
 — jenakajoffer

Thank you for your feedback. That's what I wanted to do, but just was damned and determined I wrote her a poem! LOL.
I really appreciate your honest opinion though :)
 — psychofemale

but she was*
 — psychofemale

This is sweet. I'm not the type to write or read tribute poems, but this one was down to earth. I like it.
 — radiogirl

thank you :) that really means more than you know
 — psychofemale

A very sweet poem. Goodbye is hard.
 — UHamilton

thank you so much :)

yes, it is hard to say goodbye...:(
 — psychofemale

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