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Room 312

It's bad enough
walking down these halls of memories
then I see your room
and butterflies fly into me
I'm too nervous to even put a foot in
much less two
I still feel you here with me
watching my every move
You loved me more than life itself
That's what you'd always say
I'll never forget those words
I'll remember everyday
The doves have been released
but you'll stay in my heart
Closer than before
We'll never be apart

I wrote this for my best friend whose grandmother passed away recently. She wanted me to write a poem from her perspective. RIP Nanny

1 Apr 10

Rated 7 (8.3) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 7, 9, 9

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A tender tribute....nicely written
 — Tandisol

Thank you :D
 — psychofemale

yes, as a second person tribute, as a writer speaking for another, this works. as true poetry it would contain far more abstracts that speak to anyone, but still, not bad.
 — jharrison

would be much better without "of memories"...
 — DeformedLion

Thanks guys! I really appreciate it! :D
 — psychofemale

uptight rhyme but its okay
 — unknown

What do you mean uptight??
 — psychofemale

i mean you need a thesarus
 — unknown

 — psychofemale

A sweet tirbute, but u really need sum work.
 — unknown

lotta pressure, writing someone else's feelings.
bluntly, this is generic.  high schoolish
start over.  dig way, way deeper.  toss the rhyme.
 — aurelius

bad enough
your life
like a tourist--
   then, your room.
   (my head is a
   pillow case,
   gut a butterfly
   and beetle cage)
do you watch me
at the doorframe
like a moth
in a vacuum?

   still, your words
   are ringing, aching
   tenderly as the dove's
   first failure to fly

i am forever
your keeper,
 — unknown

Thanks for the feedback guys. I had to go off of her exact words and ideas so it was a bit hard.
 — psychofemale

why didn't write her own feelings and words, and you just write a poem?
that would be better.
 — jenakajoffer

however, it was very kind of you to help your friend express herself through your poem, and my heart goes out to her loss.  

deformed and aurelius make good points, and i stand behind their advice.

that said,
nice gesture,
 — jenakajoffer

Thank you for your feedback. That's what I wanted to do, but just was damned and determined I wrote her a poem! LOL.
I really appreciate your honest opinion though :)
 — psychofemale

but she was*
 — psychofemale

This is sweet. I'm not the type to write or read tribute poems, but this one was down to earth. I like it.
 — radiogirl

thank you :) that really means more than you know
 — psychofemale

A very sweet poem. Goodbye is hard.
 — UHamilton

thank you so much :)

yes, it is hard to say goodbye...:(
 — psychofemale