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for sweetirade

this is (s)wordplay;
the clink of steel
to shackles
my poetry
is bent, smelted,
  poured on stacks
  of cooling iron
  dunked in the flux
  and finish.
my anvil:
for adverbs.
wire brush:
for metaphor--
  badly burnt
  of a word-
but tonight i saw
a ballerina
in half--
         half dawn)
body floating
in a wave of lovely
color, simile,
and chord--
her form was soft
A minor 7,
and diction
thulian pink.
she demi-pliéd
with vowels,
with verbs.
my blades became
her tuning forks,
and i, her stage--
i blue my powder
on her page.

8 Apr 10

Rated 9 (9.6) by 3 users.
Active (3): 7
Inactive (10): 1, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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i like the word play, great images
 — Tandisol

 — mandolyn

At the very least, this should make her smile.  

It is nice seeing her smile.
 — unknown

*smiles* (like a ballerina)
 — sweetirade

well you've got a fluffy-beauty in the (s)words that flow down the page, the sounds of assonance and staccatto ways of rythmically alligning as a high-rise, down-low on the stage ... it likes her ;)
 — AlchemiA

Very cool. A 10 mos def
 — BxPR

Aurelius, my friend, you seem to be on a roll.  Your poems of late ( if you were a gambling man) have been coming up sevens and elevens--this one is some really good (s)wordplay.
 — PaulS

Thank you, boss :)  I've been home all week for spring break.  These are the results of too much time
 — dionysus


 — aurelius

hahahaha aurelies you stupid foo
 — chumble

 — sybarite

 — yeehaw

I second the kudos on the word play and imagery- lovely and striking! I really like metaphor of wordsmith as blacksmith- both try to cobble odds and ends into just the right shape. I was a little perplexed by the closing line- what is meant by blowing "powder on her page?"
 — eurydice

The powder, or residue, of my poetry -- up to you to decide what that is in the context of my other metaphors.  Her page being quite literally the pages of her poems.  
It's a way of saying I was so taken by her work that I attempted to affect it, to make an impression on her.  But the blacksmith knows his work will never be as enlightened and delicate as the ballerina's, and so he offers the lightest substance his trade affords.
 — aurelius

This is effete garbage.
 — unknown

 — unknown

 — unknown

I thought it might have been a masturbation poem. Thanks for clearing that up (so beautifully). :)
 — sweetirade

hahahaha no the powder is not a euphemism for spooge
 — aurelius

play words will I you with.
 — RupertDavid

Could have fooled me, cause my initial interpretation of this was about someone jacking off to the thought of another.  All the way down to the title... "swordplay".
 — OldShoe

jizzim face
 — unknown

  lpvivpoo  [URL=http:// borbqkyz.com]enuvjbqc[/URL]  fknmlldl http://qiaqlund.com fiiokpib wjiapgsj
 — unknown

Fucking cool
 — Casiobone

is it wrong that i found this erotic...any way, very nice, very beautiful :D
 — Rss233

thought i commented this...maybe im psycho
 — psychofemale

I guess it is pseudosexual.  Or you're all just a bunch of sex-starved perverts.
Probably both.
 — aurelius

shame that some no-hair-on-my-balls twerp ran a smear campaign on this, it's probably my favorite of yours, auri
 — chumble

yeeeah i'm not loving this poem as much as i love the comments.  

i can see this being a pretty hot one-hander, but not with wire brush; leave that for disco Stu.  

cute, but spooge made me keel over.
is there a good metaphor for spooge?  let's think.
 — jenakajoffer

what the hell
 — aurelius

Absolutely love it.
It makes me feel
Like we share some sort of
gleeful secret.
 — JKukla

It's cliche.
 — Cerulise

 — unknown

Word-to-Sword conceit is done to death
 — Cerulise

I think your thinking of the pen to sword conceit.
 — aurelius