poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Cliche
psychofemale

Too much cliche
 1
I can't find my rhythm
 2
Sick of the same response
 3
I need more criticism
 4
 
 
Is that all you've got
 5
Says the poet to the lyricist
 6
I'm talking to you
 7
I'm banging my fist
 8
 
 
Hard on the table
 9
The blood starts to write
 10
On the paper before me
 11
Like rain that could blight
 12
 
 
The prettiest garden
 13
Of words from the soul
 14
That bloomed from emotion
 15
No structure, nor flow
 16
 
 
I'll take my lyrics
 17
Although they're cliche
 18
Stay true to myself
 19
And go on my way
 20

8 Apr 10

Rated 8 (8.8) by 2 users.
Active (2): 7
Inactive (4): 7, 9, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(59 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

i won't be a poem until you have to write one, and the only time you have to write one is when you're so damaged emotionally that you can't lie to yourself anymore.

people who don't really care about poetry say that everything's poetic, and everyone's a poet. they have to say that, cause they write about how mean people are to them and how hard it is to be macho when you really feel like an effeminate drunk with a keyboard. those aren't the people you want for critics. don't write unless you have to, and, if you want to doodle and noodle the way we all have to sometimes, don't expect that your limited education and small inspiration is going to turn you into dorothy parker or teasy eliot.
 — bmikebauer

i got a response out of someone thank you
 — psychofemale

nice.

-- Dormat
 — unknown

thanks!
 — psychofemale

Dude, you have a kick ass voice.  Just checked out your band.

As you pretty much said yourself, this sounds more like lyrics than poetry.  I can hear some of those power chords behind it, though :)

"like an effeminate drunk with a keyboard"
hahaha aww mikey
 — aurelius

thank you so much!!! that really put a smile on my face! :D
 — psychofemale

way to say it yes
 — unknown

thanks i think :) :P
 — psychofemale

Not cliché.  I like this lyricist, screaming for lyricism.
 — shallee

thank you so much :D
 — psychofemale

line 18 they're and there shouldn't be an apostrophe after cliche.  i think lines 9 to 12 should be a poem by themselves. it sums up what your saying in a metaphor.
 — bear

it flows very well too :-)
 — bear

that means a lot. thank you :P  yes i will change their to they're how silly of me :D and the cliche :D
 — psychofemale

STOP PLEASE, listen to what you are writing, stop with the rhyme and reason
and let your words be the voice, poetry is not only about wedging in the same sounds.
 — unknown

they are lyrics
 — psychofemale

I can spot a lyric that is already vocalizing and this one does! I love all the craggy cutty sark references "Hard on the table/The blood starts to write/

Yes. I sing too and know that it takes a few musical notes to rhythm something that may read chaotic or without purpose.
Single in tone! Good for you.

Thank you for sharing it. Warmly, Dianne
 — MDianne

if music be, and this be muzak, video it up, with cher and tom cusak.
 — bmikebauer

very nice Alison... I have a few things to say
line 4 the word criticism sound too heavy..and break the flow

the secend stanza add nothing to the poem -or the song !
however the opining lines of the third stanza or very powerful! as it came from different poem or poet !
the last line in the third stanza I think it end with a forced rhyme
very nice try for the fourth stanza and very vivid image to,

the most powerful lines in each poem supposed to be the opining and endings lines and the most beautiful thing in your ending lines -They are beautiful -that they have a massage
and flow too easy

one of the best that that I read today very nice Alison
 — muhammed

Why thank you that means much...thank you for your opinions
 — psychofemale

I wish people wouldn't imply that lyrics aren't poetry. They are. If they weren't then why would so much poetry have been transformed into songs so brilliantly. Ask Shakespeare! Poetry comes in so many guises and each is as worthy as another in its own way.  

I really liked this. Your message was clearly communicated through some strong and effective images. Perhaps you needed to commit one way or another - to go with the rhythm or not. Would line 4 sound better as just "Need criticism"? I loved the satisfying finality generated by the flow of the last four lines.

(You've got a great voice, by the way. And I'm old enough, and British enough, to remember Black Lace!)
 — MarcusLane

Ahah thank you so much! Yes, blacklace tried to sue us, but I think our name fits us better now its not so 80s :P

I really appreciate your comment and agree with the whole lyrics are a form of poetry! thanks for that
 — psychofemale

what would move me as this, would be:

too much cliche,
i can't find my rhythm...
sick of the same respoze,
i need more crishiticism.

is that all you've got!?
says the poe to the eticist:
i'm talking to you,
banging my fisssss.

hard on the tay-ble,
the blood starts to write.
on the tay-ble
the paper starts to fight:

the pre-tee-est gaarrden
of words from the soul...
all bloomed from emotion,
no structure; no soul.

i'll take up my lyrics
although they're cliche --
stay true to myself,
and you go away.
 — bmikebauer

Aren't you CUTE!  Personally, so is the poem, but I think you can do much, much better.  Stop forcing it.  It'll come when it's ready.  Poems are like babies.  They have to be carried, nourished and then born.  Rome wasn't built in a day.  How's that for "cliche?"  LOL! xo
 — starr

it was really forced though, it flew right on out
 — psychofemale

wasnt*
 — psychofemale

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

This comment has been suspended by a moderator.

louis vuitton shoulder bag
michael kors tote
ugg boots for women
michael kors tote
Ralph Lauren Polo
louis vuitton damier
nike australia
sunglasses on sale
ralph lauren polo
TRX Exercises
michael kors factory outlet
cheap michael kors handbags
christian louboutin online
Ralph Lauren
nike free run
louis vuitton tote bag
Salomon Shoes
burberry australia
Ralph Lauren UK
Michael Kors Outlet
burberry outlet uk
burberry
louis vuitton uk
michael kors purses
titan watches
coach outlet
louis vuitton australia
burberry australia
gucci bags
nike air
asics shoe
burberry scarf
louis vuitton belts
Oakley holbrook sunglasses
change points uk
prada tote
michael kors outlet
louis vuitton uk
michael kors bags on sale
paul smith uk
burberry outlet online
Mens Sunglasses
gucci sunglasses
louis vuitton duffle bag
louis vuitton online
burberry outlet online
hermes outlet
burberry outlet online
Ralph Lauren UK
louis vuitton outlet
abercro mbie and fitch
kate spade uk
Nike Hyperdunk 2015
nike danmark
nike shoes
burberry britain
KD 8 shoes
air jordan retro
burberry outlet
burberry bags on sale
ugg boots ireland
lebron james shoes
Burberry bags
prada clutch
trx workouts
oakley australia
michael kors australia
gucci belt
prada loafers
hermes uk
cheap michael kors purses
gucci handbags
hermes bag
burberry shirt
market 365
ugg boots uk
nike run
louis vuitton artsy
nike year
louis vuitton eva clutch
Chanel Outlet
burberry london
louis vuitton belt
coach sunglasses
louis vuitton monogram
nike sweden
louis vuitton
michael kors clutch
tiffany co
prada outlet
michael kors hobo bag
louboutin shoes
kate spade uk
christian louboutin shoes
michael kors hamilton tote
coach bags on sale
Hermes Outlet
michael kors crossbody
TRX Training
burberry uk
Lebron 13
true religion uk
MCM Bags
chanel tote
longchamp tote
ugg boots
abercrombie milano
abe rcrombie outlet online
Prada Outlet
kate spade
gucci diaper bag
coach carter
jordan retro shoes
burberry outlet
louis vuitton purses
nike show
ab ercrombie and fitch outlet
oakley sunglasses
michael kors outlet store
prada bags
gucci handbags
nike air jordan
pandora bracelets
michael kors handbags on sale
TRX Straps
timberland boots uk
louboutin shoes
louis vuitotn speedy
asics running shoes
ugg boots
pandora necklack
Burberry Outlet
christian louboutin shoes
Ray Ban Outlet
nike jordan shoes
michael kors purses
led lights
Longchamp Outlet
louis vuitton outlet
mizuno wave
burberry watches
trx workouts
adidas super star
prada handbags sale
asics shoes
hugo boss uk
ugg boots
mcm tote bag
burberry
prada-crossbody
michael kors satchel
burberry scarf outlet
Michael Kors Outlet
longchamp le pliage medium
michael kors handbags
burberry wallet
trx exercise
Ralph Lauren Polo
mcm bags
louis vuitton bags
basketball shoes
hugo boss uk
louis vuitton messenger bag
trx for sale
yeezy shoes
hermes birkin uk
hermes belt
pandora jewelry
ugg australia
michael kors tote bags
chanel bags prices
louis vuitton uk
TRX Workouts
nike air shoes
Cheap Ray Ban
michael kors australia
longchamp bag
true religion jeans
balenciag bag
gucci online
louis vuitton uk
burberry purse
Polo Ralph Lauren
prada bags
ugg uk
MCM Outlet
canada goose outlet
coach outlet store
coach purses
ugg boots
abercro mbie and fitch
yeezy boost 350
pirate system
chanel flap bag
burberry outlet
primark online uk
louis vuitton artsy
coach shoes
air jordan nike
abercrombie fitch nederland
gucci bags
michael kors black handbags
Kate Spade Australia
burberry scarfs
coach bags
ugg boots
free shoes
nike air jordan
abssice 360
coach australia
nike online
TRX Workout
coach usa
nike air
prada shoes
nike shop us
coach handbags
coach purses on sale
tiffany co
asics shop
louis vuitton neverfull mm
trx suspension
oakley sunglasses
asics shoes
TRX Bands
mizuno shoes
burberry outlet
prada messenger bag
black uggs
ray-ban sunglasses
fendi outlet
birkin bag hermes
louis vuitton bags
louis vuitotn speedy
ray-ban sunglasses
hermes birkin price
louis vuitton handbags on sale
longchamp sale
Pandora Charm
louis vuitton wallet for women
jordan retro
cheap gucci belts
michael kors purses outlet
longchamp bags
sheepskin boots
louis vuitton zippy wallet
louboutin heels
nike all
burberry outlet
chanel australia
abercrombie fitch france
Burberry online
outlet michael kors
louis vuitotn speedy
louis vuitton diaper bag
pandora charms
popular sunglasses
Coach outlet online
Polo Ralph Lauren
Pandora bracelet
Michael Kors Watches
gucci backpack
cheap louis vuitton purses
prada handbags
Burberry outlet online
Oakley Outlet
louis vuitton watllets
louis vuitton bags
nike norway
longchamp backpack
hugo boss
coach online
gucci clutch
nike shoes
pandora rings
pandora ring
christian louboutin shop
coach australia
Kate Spade Australia
louis vuitton outlet
yeezy boost 350
coach crossbody bags
nike free run sko2
burberry perfume
trx
air jordan shoes
prada handbags
Ray Ban wayfarer sunglasses
jimmy choo australia
coach outlet
Nike Kobe 9
Ralph Lauren Shirts
Ralph Lauren
nike shopping
yeezy boost 350
pandora bracelet
free nike
louis vuitton shoes men
clk benz

louis vuitton neverfull
michael kors canada
salomon shoes
oakley sunglasses
trx suspension
mizuno shop
burberry outlet online
louis vuitton australia
ray-ban sunglasses
gucci online
michael kors outlet
prada purses
trx straps
longchamp le pliage large tote
michael kors black purse
asics gel kayano
gucci shoes
hermes purses
nike jordan
nike free danmark
michael kors canada
burberry online
louis vuitton perfect
nike air max
mlb jerseys
mlb.com
michael kors outlet
JLGG5.28
 — jlgg

0.005s