poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Cliche
psychofemale

Too much cliche
 1
I can't find my rhythm
 2
Sick of the same response
 3
I need more criticism
 4
 
 
Is that all you've got
 5
Says the poet to the lyricist
 6
I'm talking to you
 7
I'm banging my fist
 8
 
 
Hard on the table
 9
The blood starts to write
 10
On the paper before me
 11
Like rain that could blight
 12
 
 
The prettiest garden
 13
Of words from the soul
 14
That bloomed from emotion
 15
No structure, nor flow
 16
 
 
I'll take my lyrics
 17
Although they're cliche
 18
Stay true to myself
 19
And go on my way
 20

8 Apr 10

Rated 8 (8.8) by 2 users.
Active (2):
Inactive (4): 7, 7, 9, 9, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(59 more poems by this author)



Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha

Comments:

i won't be a poem until you have to write one, and the only time you have to write one is when you're so damaged emotionally that you can't lie to yourself anymore.

people who don't really care about poetry say that everything's poetic, and everyone's a poet. they have to say that, cause they write about how mean people are to them and how hard it is to be macho when you really feel like an effeminate drunk with a keyboard. those aren't the people you want for critics. don't write unless you have to, and, if you want to doodle and noodle the way we all have to sometimes, don't expect that your limited education and small inspiration is going to turn you into dorothy parker or teasy eliot.
 — bmikebauer

i got a response out of someone thank you
 — psychofemale

nice.

-- Dormat
 — unknown

thanks!
 — psychofemale

Dude, you have a kick ass voice.  Just checked out your band.

As you pretty much said yourself, this sounds more like lyrics than poetry.  I can hear some of those power chords behind it, though :)

"like an effeminate drunk with a keyboard"
hahaha aww mikey
 — aurelius

thank you so much!!! that really put a smile on my face! :D
 — psychofemale

way to say it yes
 — unknown

thanks i think :) :P
 — psychofemale

Not cliché.  I like this lyricist, screaming for lyricism.
 — shallee

thank you so much :D
 — psychofemale

line 18 they're and there shouldn't be an apostrophe after cliche.  i think lines 9 to 12 should be a poem by themselves. it sums up what your saying in a metaphor.
 — bear

it flows very well too :-)
 — bear

that means a lot. thank you :P  yes i will change their to they're how silly of me :D and the cliche :D
 — psychofemale

STOP PLEASE, listen to what you are writing, stop with the rhyme and reason
and let your words be the voice, poetry is not only about wedging in the same sounds.
 — unknown

they are lyrics
 — psychofemale

I can spot a lyric that is already vocalizing and this one does! I love all the craggy cutty sark references "Hard on the table/The blood starts to write/

Yes. I sing too and know that it takes a few musical notes to rhythm something that may read chaotic or without purpose.
Single in tone! Good for you.

Thank you for sharing it. Warmly, Dianne
 — MDianne

if music be, and this be muzak, video it up, with cher and tom cusak.
 — bmikebauer

very nice Alison... I have a few things to say
line 4 the word criticism sound too heavy..and break the flow

the secend stanza add nothing to the poem -or the song !
however the opining lines of the third stanza or very powerful! as it came from different poem or poet !
the last line in the third stanza I think it end with a forced rhyme
very nice try for the fourth stanza and very vivid image to,

the most powerful lines in each poem supposed to be the opining and endings lines and the most beautiful thing in your ending lines -They are beautiful -that they have a massage
and flow too easy

one of the best that that I read today very nice Alison
 — muhammed

Why thank you that means much...thank you for your opinions
 — psychofemale

I wish people wouldn't imply that lyrics aren't poetry. They are. If they weren't then why would so much poetry have been transformed into songs so brilliantly. Ask Shakespeare! Poetry comes in so many guises and each is as worthy as another in its own way.  

I really liked this. Your message was clearly communicated through some strong and effective images. Perhaps you needed to commit one way or another - to go with the rhythm or not. Would line 4 sound better as just "Need criticism"? I loved the satisfying finality generated by the flow of the last four lines.

(You've got a great voice, by the way. And I'm old enough, and British enough, to remember Black Lace!)
 — MarcusLane

Ahah thank you so much! Yes, blacklace tried to sue us, but I think our name fits us better now its not so 80s :P

I really appreciate your comment and agree with the whole lyrics are a form of poetry! thanks for that
 — psychofemale

what would move me as this, would be:

too much cliche,
i can't find my rhythm...
sick of the same respoze,
i need more crishiticism.

is that all you've got!?
says the poe to the eticist:
i'm talking to you,
banging my fisssss.

hard on the tay-ble,
the blood starts to write.
on the tay-ble
the paper starts to fight:

the pre-tee-est gaarrden
of words from the soul...
all bloomed from emotion,
no structure; no soul.

i'll take up my lyrics
although they're cliche --
stay true to myself,
and you go away.
 — bmikebauer

Aren't you CUTE!  Personally, so is the poem, but I think you can do much, much better.  Stop forcing it.  It'll come when it's ready.  Poems are like babies.  They have to be carried, nourished and then born.  Rome wasn't built in a day.  How's that for "cliche?"  LOL! xo
 — starr

it was really forced though, it flew right on out
 — psychofemale

wasnt*
 — psychofemale

Few watch aficionados realize that the Japanese brand seiko watch has a history as old as many of  its Swiss rivals. Founded in the 1880s, the company began manufacturing wrist seiko watches after World War I and quickly  became an innovative leader, developing one of the world's first seiko  automati c and seiko chronograph.  But perhaps Seiko's greatest achievement came about in its race with the  American brand Bulova to harness new technology, leading to the quartz watch,  which revolutionized the industry and nearly drove the Swiss out of business.

  More  innovations followed, including the first computer wristwatch, in 1984, and the  first nonbattery s eiko kinetic watch. To this list we can now add another  groundbreaker: the Seiko Spring Drive  mechanical movement, which is accurate to one second per day, making it  approximately three times more precise than the average mechanical watch. The  Spring Drive also provides an enduring seventy-two hours of power reserve (most  watches offer about forty) and winds 30 percent faster than a conventional movement.

  According  to seiko uk, twenty-eight years of work  went into developing this movement, and only five of the company's hundreds of  watchmakers possess the requisite skills to assemble it. Regardless of its technological  history, the seiko 5 is  a skillfully designed watch, with graceful hands and interesting use of  off-center dials.


 — shaotang

Baby Stroller or baby jogger provide the as comfortable as possible environment,and  it is easy to operation.Stroller make implementation also have fun,it is very stable  for children pram stroller and soon folding good-its compact size,Strollers can  be easily into your car.In addition, parents can easily in the baby DiLan,portable  crib and seat assembly convert between and ready to deal with any situation.


Choose the best  security products, common the baby care in the future.Buggy stroller prepare a lot of produce.For example, Bugaboo Donkey,Bugaboo Cameleon,Bu gaboo Bee,iCandy Baby Stroller,peg perego,baby jogging stroller,and other best strollers.

    

    Baby  Strolle rs always has the  responsibility of the safety travel for child of the world travel,adhering to  the "safe,comfortable, vogue" research concept.For you feel at ease,in order to better protect the babies  travel security,we always do your best,believes own choice,more believe our baby shop.


 — unknown

Seiko watches have a very rich  heritage dating way back to the nineteenth century that was and still is  dedicated to perfection. Environmental issues nowadays are a big factor that  drives consumer buying habits. This Seiko Watch has been blazing the  trail when it comes to combining environmental conservation and watch making.

    

    Seiko UK are produced in plants that have fully complied with  the waste disposal management regulations. This has gone down to the process of  production to intricate steps of soldering where the quantities of lead have  been reduced. This Seiko Watches UK has many firsts including being the only one to fit  mercury free batteries.

    

  Currently research is underway to develop  alternative sources of power to cut down on the impact of used and discarded batteries.  In addition to this, Seiko Solar powered units are being tested in a bid to completely eliminate the use of  batteries in the watches. Such a display of an aggressive desire to go green  has not been witnessed for a very long time.

  

  To further underscore the uniqueness of these  products, only a small number of technicians are involved during the actual  production of these watches. Production is shared between two studios and two  hundred and forty craftsmen. Seiko has been a pioneer in watch production, the first divers piece was commissioned  by this company in the early sixties. It could resist the water pressure up to  a depth of one hundred and fifty metres.


The Seiko Sale has the  collection of Ladies  Seiko Watches,Seiko  Kinetic,Seik o  Monster,Seiko Automatic,Seiko 5,Seiko  Mens Watches,you are warm welcome to buy one from them.
 — shaotang

In sixteen twenty-one,a big celebration of barbour  ja cket took place at Plymouth Colony in what is now the state of  Massachusetts.European settlers known as the barbour jackets were  celebrating their autumn harvest after a winter of struggle.

  Other colonists held earlier ceremonies of thanks.But  the Pilgrims' three-day feast is often called the nation's first barb our coats Thanksgiving.President Abraham Lincoln  declared a national holiday in eighteen sixty-three during the Civil War.

  Today families and friends gather on the fourth  Thursday in November.And,thanks to the barbour  quilted jacket United States Census Bureau,here are  some facts about where their Thanksgiving meal comes from.

  The main dish is traditionally a turkey.About  two-thirds of the nation's turkeys are produced in Minnesota and five other quilted barbour jackets states.Producers are expected to raise  two hundred forty-eight million birds this year,two percent more than last  year.

  Popular side dishes include cranberries and sweet  potatoes.Last year North Carolina barbour sale grew  more sweet potatoes than any other state.Wisconsin is expected to be the top  cranberry producer this year.

  People often finish the meal with pumpkin pie.Last  year Illinois grew the most pumpkins.California,New York,Ohio and barb our uk were  also major pumpkin producers.

  Thanksgiving is a big event,but buying a barbour mens traditional holiday meal can be a  struggle for the poor.So charity groups often hold food drives to collect food  for barbour ladies low-income families.


 — shaotang

0.213s