poetry critical

online poetry workshop


you yell howl and i howl hell
daddy-o! love karoke when asked
you a balloon wake up breaching and scarred
bloody how do you say it where you are from?
i am only just awake enough to help
nervous you seem to take no notice
of sun shower towel tap you gently
riddled bullet holed body is- plugged?
and to all inanimate objects i am
throughout the day equal for you
and you ask why why why of all

15 Apr 10

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I liked more the first revision, less cluttered, less thought about, him not you.

Liked plugged, silly walk-mans.
 — unknown

get a blog
1st was much better.#
silly boy
 — sir_I_clan

like lines 5-8
 — psychofemale