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twenty seconds

twenty seconds
tips of fingers tasted
taking short repose
his eyes don't meet hers
and not once does he
say her name
in quiet appeal
she whispers his

16 Apr 10

Rated 9 (9.7) by 1 users.
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oooh, this was a refreshing poem as of late.
my eyes traveled each line with suspense~
 — mandolyn

great one!!!
 — psychofemale

Cool poem.  Though I feel it could use a bit of spacing.  Maybe 'and' in front of "touched" in line 3.  Maybe a space between lines 5 and 6 and lines 8 and 9.  All in all, nice lil' write.
 — JKWeb

I think much of intimacy is unrequited, certainly not as we expect or wish for. Good write.
 — JohnW

Nicely handled short write. I might tweak the sonics by taking away tasted in L2, and adding "such" around L4.
 — NicMichaels

The title is very effective.
 — NicMichaels

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