|take off your bra
i feel i could
recognize you just off
fatal attrition, this yellow
moon love of mine, my smarmy
angel pants of sine cos
my yoghurt of impolites,
the filter for my smokes,
the yolk of legglessness...
the math of your measurements
like square roots and all that
those funny members of the symphony,
their socks in funked out sympathy--
you're the herald to my apostrophe,
the skin of all oddity,
lactate your years away,
i'll suckle your nips
to redrose goosepimples,
bleed your body dry,
then swing your sack across
my shoulder and humm a
20 Apr 10
Rated 8.6 (7.7) by 12 users.
Active (12): 7, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (9): 1, 1, 4, 4, 4, 7, 7, 7, 8, 9, 10, 10, 10
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Interesting poem.... i liked lines 10-12
I knew this was yours.
You and Jenobi sound so much alike.
Talented writer, you are.
angled pants of tan sine cos
get off on your inclination,
tangled protractor, compass
bb + rr = aa
locate your exes and why's
and zeerow down on the wahhs...
boy, was that nipply nifty, yeah?
very cool! Love the math, science, anatomy language fusion... very giblety!
Line 18- "you're"
it's interesting that a woman can 'taste' whether the DNA is 'good stuff' for making babies - and some ladies have no taste -- here you've reversed the 'rolls' (pun intended as an echo of your last strophe) and created a seminal fugue of science and lactating-absurdity which makes your poem like a t-shirt wet and showing nipple hard-ons
made me smile
take off ya coat nice
math nerd much
my milkshake bring all the boys to the yard!!!
haha, this is super creamy farm-girl funny, you get me all in an uproar with your whittle-words and tittle-wink.
um, L2 should be 'by'? not off?
yellow moon love of mine, hahahah...you know breast milk dries to a light yellow and sometimes when it's dried to your shirt it smells like fresh baked bread. well mind did and i just loved that smell.
this is going to spark me again you know that. :)
aww you posted this on my baby's birthday!
haha, i just keep coming back to read this, it's so funny.
my darling, my yoghurt of impolites, :D
i do love L7 too.
i want to kill 10-14. i think i went a bit deaf there.
thanks for reading and commenting and rating and taking off your bra and having a bra in the first place.
yeah, you are right, those lines could go. and i meant to point out 'you're' as well, i see jhawk mentioned it.
you could bring lines 8-9 down to line 20, you'd have a nice focal point, and they would fit in beautifully. yes, i really think that would be the bomb. just do it. :)
L18 should be "you're" not "your." You're using a contraction there. Otherwise, this is quite beautiful and full of feminine flava. Nice work! :-)
I really have no idea.
hahahaha! I wanted to sing this, it makes more disgusting sense then! As a former breastfeeder, I was surprised that you speak of drinking it. Not many people beyond babyhood would try, myself included! This is funny, whether you meant it to be or not.
you never tasted your own breastmilk Isabelle??
i remember mine, so sweet,
i had pumped some of my milk at a party for my sister one night, and my friends used it in their B52's. it was a big hit. hehe.
I tasted a tiny bit, too sweet. I was more intrigued with the fact that it had fat that rose to the top, albeit a very thin layer. I had thoughts of breastmilk cheese, breastmilk yogurt! haha
Smarmy...and 'breast feeding'. So ingenious.
Great stuffI know i shouldn't being a female male and having a high regard for the sex opposite but i loved the last stanza
disgusting and delicious
so sonic and suggestive. haha, i like it.
man i think i remember my response poem to this,....do you?
i loved reading this again,
thanks for bumping it, leaf :)
Finally some poetry I can relate to... hehhhhhhhhhhh.
I guess that's it for me.