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Locked Inside (for Aunt Isabelle)
larrylark

Today I am seventeen,
 1
locked inside four walls
 2
of my ever-changing palace, ..
 3
 
 
Beneath my feet is the beach at Blackpool,
 4
a seaside donkey and child walk through.
 5
Tides ripple along skirting board.
 6
(must have that damp course seen to)
 7
 
 
Is it Friday? Fridays always fish day,
 8
when men from the market come
 9
down our way. Green van with cream letters,
 10
(should have been blue or ultramarine)
 11
throwing sea weed among kippers and halibut,
 12
staring cold-eyed into glittering skies.
 13
 
 
No, it's Tuesday, which is a day I hide
 14
behind doors when they come knocking
 15
to see if I’m all right. I leave something disturbed
 16
in the garden, near the door, so they think
 17
I’ve been out and about. Tomorrow is Thursday.
 18
I’ll shout out of the letter box to no one,
 19
when no one passes by.
 20

27 Apr 10

Rated 10 (9.7) by 2 users.
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Comments:

L2 ever-changing
L4 seaside
L5 ripple
L6 (wtf? don't understand a word of this)
L7 You confuse tenses here.  It begins in present, moves to past.  So either Was, or change everything thereafter to present tense.  If you do that, go ahead and fix Friday's.
L8 cold-eyed
L13 it's
L16 door, so

Soooo messy.  No rating 'til you clean house.
 — aurelius

Oh, I get L6 now.
 — unknown

What does line 6 mean can you explain?
 — psychofemale

It deliderately flips into past tense and back out again to demonstrate the depth of her confusion and the way she move with little control over her mind, from present into past and then back again. Thanks for the spots and taking the trouble and time.

Larry grateful Lark
 — larrylark

Its the confused stateof her mind which while projecting into the past is doubly confused in the present by thinking the sea in her mind is in reality dampening the walls, hence her reference to the damp course needing looking at.

Larry salt of the sea Lark
 — larrylark

Hahahaha.  I should've realized.
In that case, kudos.
 — aurelius

Dear aurelius
Thank you for reading my reply. Its very hard for me to describe how i feel about my Auntie Isabelle except to say we are all locked in our own worlds and many worlds are locked away.

Larry immensely sad Lark
 — unknown

Wow...sad, real and tinged with sweetness and darkness all at the same time.  Truth be told, I had 2 cheat and look at the comments to make sure I wasn't losing my mind or dealing with someone illiterate.  Now that I have some insight into this, I commend it as I do all of your others, Larry.  None will EVER beat "Pig Speak" though!  That one, for some reason always stuck with me.  :-)
 — starr

Hiya starr thanks for the comment and rest assured I try every day to write another pig speak. I've tried pigs liver, pig heart, pig out, pigs speal pigs in ,this little piggie went to market etc etc etc but none can reach the dizzy heights of pig speak. That doesn't mean to say i'll stop trying though

Larry bringing home the bacon Lark
 — larrylark

I'm figuring someone must have first snuck in the pen/pencil
(NO SHARP INSTRUMENTS ALLOWED
IN HALL OR ROOMS - THIS MEANS YOU!!)
and I wonder how the paper got out (she blew
the guard at the door
a kiss and promised
more to her keeper)

Definitely the softer side of asylum
 — Bloodfetish

Well said bloodfetish
 — larrylark

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