poetry critical

online poetry workshop



STATE THE OBVIOUS
psychofemale

She told you to tell her
 1
Things from your past
 2
Ask and receive
 3
Taste all the facts
 4
Eat your heart out
 5
 
 
Test his morals
 6
Heart to heart
 7
Eager for the normal
 8
 
 
Obviously not
 9
Believe what he speaks
 10
Value the truth
 11
Instead of the bleak
 12
Outside shows the inside
 13
Under his skin
 14
State the obvious, show chagrin
 15

5 May 10

Rated 1 (5) by 1 users.
Active (1):
Inactive (2): 1, 4, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(59 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

there's a kind of writing that comes from weakness, and that's good, except that the word-choices are always the words people have used on the author to insult. using the world to hurt the world is a closed loop, it doesn't translate into intelligence.

all these high-toned vocabulary items block out the author's sensitivity, and i think that's the point. but, it doesn't make for poetry to pile cliche on cliche and say it's supposed to be 'ironic'. it's just weak writing.
 — bmikebauer

thank you for the feedback
 — psychofemale

show chagall instead
 — unknown

the painter?
 — psychofemale

lop-sided
 — unknown

What the...does that have to do with anything? really.
 — psychofemale

poet's need vision and imagination. you have words to use and conversational experience, but the poet would find something in the image and write back against that image by putting it inside a new landscape.

there's some very suggestive things in what this unk wrote, and it doesn't matter at all if the unk doesn't even know it. you can play with concepts and words -- it's alright, they don't break.
 — bmikebauer

that made more sense than what Unk number two said.
 — psychofemale

thank you for the inspiration.
 — psychofemale

This.
 — unknown

Go unk its ya birthday! lets partaaay its ya birthday....it makes me giggle, it makes me giggle! :D
 — psychofemale

OMG!!!!!!
 — psychofemale

any other takers?
 — psychofemale

'she told you' is complete, like a phrase floating up from the bottom of a well, and it's powerful. what comes after is going to be very important. you've got an loping cadence, musical, 'you told him to tell her, things from the past' -- a song cadence, but then it runs into the new cadence, a different song. it's the transitions that bring the poem into the unconscious, and sometimes i overlook the transformations because i'm over-imagining the sounds.
 — bmikebauer

hmm
 — psychofemale

This is an acrostic poem.  Just stating the obvious! :)  I've got nothing else.
 — mtharp

LOL!
 — psychofemale

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