poetry critical

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My Gorgeous Launderette

Sat in the lonely Launderette,
way past bed time,
bet not one soul arrives
before my line  of well washed linen is fried.
One old lady at the door complete with smalls.
I take a call on the mobile phone I barely use.
I lose again as she counts pounds and twenty p’s
into the machine.
She leans forward, light pleasantries
are exchanged, the weathers wayward way
briefly binds us together.
My best shirt waves a sleeve,
flirts with the seam of too tight trousers.
She scans The Daily Mail, forecast is bleak,
sheeting from the left coats my journey home.

5 May 10

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Nice :D
 — psychofemale

 — unknown

I am so glad to hear from you unknown ....you have made my day

Larry equal to all miserables in the world Lark
 — larrylark

I like the poem but I love the film more - maybe the title could be amended to give the poem a separate identity from the cinematic masterpiece?
 — opal

well it sucks.

just kidding. this sounds like classic Larry, if you don't mind me saying. would just recommend helping the second stanza be less elongated.

good overall. feels brighter. you really hit a wall with your most recent ones it seems. however.
 — unknown

Are you trying to say my poem is not a masterpiece opal????? Well guess what....Your dead right

Larry sparkling Y-fronts Lark
 — larrylark

good write
 — matrinh20

cheers matrinh
 — larrylark