poetry critical

online poetry workshop



down-light
AlchemiA

halting-stars we are, aching
 1
                              for the vastness of space,
 2
                              that lonely-only place
 3
                              where heat-beats swell
 4
                              on the edge of night -
 5
 
 
here we are sun~bending
 6
                               toward a red-ocher sky,
 7
                               a gnarled branch,
 8
                               and bony-finger reach
 9
                               for a cloudy-whirl,
 10
                               white on blue,
 11
                               all the while curling-roots 'round
 12
                               stones of earth,
 13
                               star-imbued mud
 14
                               for sipping nameless
 15
                               elements of course -
 16
 
 
we lurch in wind, whimper for the climb,
 17
                               make leaf-song,
 18
                               slow-swelling from Sun
 19
                               drenched dirt,
 20
                               the blood of longing serpents-up,
 21
                               from deeper whirl'ds-turn'd
 22
                               where harder-roots have
 23
                                                              sunk
 24
 
 
into the electron-cloud where numinous-valences are allowed,
 25
                                which are inspired to arise,
 26
                                such that lead becomes gold
 27
                                glowing as a singular-sight,
 28
                                vortex'd through Quantum tunnels
 29
                                that make your body bright -
 30
 
 
just another rapturous transmutation
 31
                                        of matter into light
 32

17 May 10

Rated 9.9 (9.7) by 12 users.
Active (12): 8, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
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Comments:

Very good poem, presented in a unique form that seems to work very well. I like the fantasy like images conjured up and the hyponated word play. Good stuff
 — JohnW

thanks JohnW - down-light is Religious and about the Cathedral of Nature ... it still 'spins' a motif, waves multi-hued flags, rags made of rich mud without slinging it to the choir, God is just another down-light on fire ...
 — AlchemiA

Poems are like hieroglyphs made with movable-crystals which became portals with many reflections - it was said that when a reader came to a hieroglyph ( timing and attitude are crucial ) the glyph would resonate at his/her frequency-pattern and include itself in the readers DNA and thus replicate its crystal-patterns throughout raising the frequency so that new 'thought', perceptions and realizations would occur ... that is the careful reader in that they are sensitive and in 'tune'

the thing is that the 'body' needs to be included - it is the instrument, the organic-dancer which rides the mirrors' of delight swooning with the frisson of a new poetic-DNA lesson
 — AlchemiA

i like this and the format
 — psychofemale

NIce!! thanks
 — unknown

I should have known this was you. You write with such feeling and insight. Even your replies are filled with poetic insight.
 — JohnW

thanks JohnW for the visit ...
 — AlchemiA

potentially, alchemia knows everything.  the language of creation.
 — manuka

thanks manuka - knowing is present everywhere and visible nowhere ...
 — AlchemiA

quirky science poem dude
 — unknown

Pretty
 — Callisto

thanks for the read Callist-eye -- most folks default to their hard-wired core, which is always about I, me, mine and more ... yet, I've always mused about becoming a black-hole, where all of the light and dirty-cloths go
 — AlchemiA

who knows?
 — unknown

No human thing is of serious importance.
  - Plato
 — unknown

ULTIMATE BEAUTY IN THIS!  Simply gorgeous with its deep compassion and sense of infinite intellect.  I'm serious, science and poetry combined?  Bliss!
 — Isabelle5

oh thank-you dear and to you good cheer
 — AlchemiA

edits ...

in duality it's conflicted -- Religion, Science and Politics are often immured in an arrogance of ignorance, i.e., promoting cliche as self-evident, eh, in that they define their percepts with allusions of their own creation: a sort-of Möbius-strip logic -- In the phenomenology of Love coupled with the viscereality of constant-remembrance, what remains is our own courage to change the world from inside out withoutta doubt ... it starts with wonder imbued in awe, unbound by the language of 'reason' nor the fatal-skin we're in, uncluttered with the pitter-patter of patterns promulgated by all of our bad education nor spoiled by the cliche' of mediocrity! Fear tunnel-visions and converges toward where all the dead-ends meet -- while joyous-remembrance opens the whirl'd in a frisson of being, in a revelation of seeing reality as a perennial wind of wonder that blows with creative destruction ...
 — AlchemiA

Still a 10 in my opinion!
 — Isabelle5

wondeeeful
 — unknown

thanks unk -- we are the meaning-makers made in the image of creative-destruction imagining a destructive-creation that remakes meaning in our own image...
 — AlchemiA

can you define Poetry?

it'd be indefinable and unknown, especially unknown! however, these unknowns complete me...

nonetheless, having a cosmic sentiment is a serendipity that's bent toward the infinite-in, where love and a radiant bouquet bursting to blossom begin -- where there's a music in you wanting to play in a mellifluous-voice which only the heart can hear, that'd take you into a melodious rhythm 'n roll 'round the sound of a whirl'd swelling with the kiss of bliss, 'tis this that'd speak in that uncommon tongue, the Poetic one, which is willing to risk absurdity in an unfettered language, and divested with an unbounded-eye not limited to the fatal-skin yer' in,  that's looking and daring to see, the beauty of this romantically-real creative-destruction outpouring into a potpourri that is Poetry...
 — AlchemiA

    This is one of many I can see as important material, the art form etc
j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

thanks goesZen ...
 — AlchemiA

thanks GoesZEN --- those who see this world so intuitively, they're aware that these syntactical-alliances of language are not capable of parlaying a look that dares to see this creative-destruction, this sentimental-reality; as such, they're moved with these feelings whirl'd into a push and a shove, bursting with the power-of-love ...
 — AlchemiA

Copy paste buffoon.
 — unknown

I know you are but what am I?
 — unknown

inspired, gorgeousness, I wish I knew you!
 — crimsonkiss

thanks for the kudos crimsonkiss ... oh to kiss the beloved with the same kiss the beloved kisses me and in that sweet-eternity, inter-mingled on the edge of you, is the beginning of me ...
 — AlchemiA

Ochre, Line 7.  Very cool otherwise.
 — Haxxen

A gold star deserves a gold star.  In your poems we only see our own reflections, I think.
 — technomancer
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