I lost you
in the forest of guilt
Each tree making the same face
when I left
carved into the bark
that way on purpose
reminding me of the past
There's no going back
There's no golden path
leading me out
Nothing but green mist
clouding the future
trailing back to those memories
those memories of my departure
I peek through the perfectly sewn spider web
Hoping to look and see a brighter future
but all I see are trees
curling their limbs
to place their leaves
over their faces
peeking at me
just like I am them.
9 Jun 10
Rated 7 (8) by 2 users.
Inactive (1): 5, 9, 10
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This may be the only writing of yours I actually like.
Well thanks I think haha :)
Like the concept and the creativity with which this is woven.
L17-18--maybe try shortening them to work better with the rest
Too many "throughs"--L18 could be "hoping to see a brighter future" and L23 "peeking at me"..?
L19-22 are wonderful!
thank you :) I will try and fix that stuff and see what happens! thanks again for the input
Very nice poem. Good analogy of guilt as a forest.
Why thank you John! Glad you enjoyed!!!
i don't know what to say really...well
Well? I don't know either then lol
I think this is your best piece yet! I am all about understanding guilt and your portrayal of guilt as a forest is outstanding! the opening verse of this is very powerful and you carried that strength well through the rest of the piece. Very nicely written. 10 from me!
Thank you so much!! :D That really means much!
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