My stem reversed
and sunk back
into the ground
Defeat crowded me
like sweaty bodies
lined up at a rock concert
No room to move
No room to breathe
Existing as another seed
planted in a row
I only saw the light once
and it was beautiful
16 Jun 10
Rated 10 (9) by 1 users.
Active (1): 10
Inactive (2): 8, 9
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does that mean you are dead?
It is about something gone, that was too good to be true.
but, now that you mentioned it, I see how you got that meaning :)
lol not to be to forward... this seems like a sex poem... or lack of...lol but not to sure... and that shows good writing skills... cu-dos...lol good work done by smart people...lol
oops^ I mean to say Psycho this is a GREAT poem! Your best I think!
when did you see the light? i want to know more. interesting poem.
This is excellent work, very well-started and finished, compelling.
Nice pun in the title.
I see two places to improve it: You could cut "had" in L4, correct but awkward tense for poetry, and swap in "as" for "like" in L9, since you just use like in L5.
My other suggestion is to connect the flower and the rockers better; kind of throws me the way it's written. I can see how fans lined up and seeds in a row could be compared, maybe write something like "planted in a row for music."
Thanks guys. That really means much. The poem lets you make your own meaning of when the light was actually seen.
I think its neat that there are so many meanings for this poem. Thank you all so much.
Nic I will fix those lines. ty
i enjoyed this start to finish....very nicely written PF!
Thank you so much! :D
"Existing as another seed 9
planted in a row "
The loss of individual soul is true loss. This line seems very important
and well writen.