Just the other day
I fell in a forest.
Not a simple
sort of falling,
you find yourself
regretting the steps
that carried you
to the earth;
no this fall
was more perfect,
and the stillness
of my fall
sounded a warning
in my ear.
17 Jun 10
Rated 8.1 (8.4) by 10 users.
Active (10): 7, 7, 8, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (10): 1, 3, 3, 5, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
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ah, this lovely strand gets lost amid so much sticky muck. ghost_rider, you can surely write.
sweet sinister undertones.
Like it. No nits.
when a palehorse falls in the forest is there a sound only his heart can hear -- a clever piece of imagism -- you're a wanderer wandering in a wondering way! that yearn to burn is an ancient ache that'll take you 'round the bend of space, where time converges as a flicker of light in your eyes and a radiance on your beautiful face ...
good poetic imagism is like watching crystals grow making many reflections
I love this one....I love how it is explained in a beautiful way, which makes it poetry to me.
Not a nit, pick, or crit--this is perfection as is!
rask kicked lulu out of bed because she snores
and because of her cellulite ripples ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~and grasshopper face, snake shoulders and rhino hips
her trailer has been repossessed
all she has is a cheap camera and bad teeth
if only this had more dangerous attractors disgustingly alluring and sensual
A little time has passed now and I want to comment and thank all the gracious readers, especially those that rate this work so well.
unk#1, it's nice to be complimented in such a genuine manner, for such a simple piece.
unk#2, I wasn't sure the grammar nazi's would get that, and I am glad you did.
Liliana, lullabies are a good thing too, no?
unk#3, indeed, hinged on the word 'warning'
psychofemale, revolvingly interesting indeed.
nicmichaels, thank you. I have been reading more of your work, you're an outstanding commenter here.
Alchemia, thank you for exposing me to imagism. It's been a good educational read for me. And thank you too, for ascribing that talent to me. Though uncomfortable with it, knowing it comes from a writer like you means a good deal to me.
mandolyn, you are a beautiful poet at heart, and it always shines though.
sybarite, your terse style and adroit words always mean the world to me. So honest and sincere.
unk#4, if lulu and rask were in this same forest, we'd have never had your tale.
unk#5....you truly have me guessing; and wanting more.
I do think 6 should be where presently, not when -- because I do think presence rather than tense is the better contrast to the second half of the poem -- nevertheless, this was precisely crafted and a joy to read.
You, my friend, are a beautiful poet at heart and here lie the fruits of your labor. Very nice indeed.
Crayon, you absolutely right...I thank you for catching that. (note the change)
PaulS, you are so kind. Thank you for your read and comments
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I can't find a word out of place. And why even look when a poem affects me like this one does?
Thank you A, I like 'affected' as a critique.
and...essays, hunh? I don't get that comment, unk....but okee dokee. I do appreciate the "defib" you brought to this piece.
I like it even better now having come back to read it again after a month or so since first reading it.
beautifully still. :)
Very creative. I was hoping for me but it ended too soon.
"there's a bear in there"
and like that, it's gone
lovely. my favourite perpetually intransitive verbs are happen and die.
Thank you lysandre, DL, Jena, Chris and Isabelle
What the heck?
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