| Intransitive
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PaleHorse
| Just the other day | 1 |
I fell in a forest. | 2 |
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Not a simple | 3 |
past tense | 4 |
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sort of falling, | 5 |
where presently | 6 |
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you find yourself | 7 |
regretting the steps | 8 |
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that carried you | 9 |
to the earth; | 10 |
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no this fall | 11 |
was more perfect, | 12 |
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and the stillness | 13 |
of my fall | 14 |
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sounded a warning | 15 |
in my ear. | 16 |
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17 Jun 10 |
Rated 9 (9) by 16 users.
Active (16): 1, 5, 7, 7, 8, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (1):
(define the words in this poem)
(9 more poems by this author)
(4 users consider this poem a favorite)
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Add A Comment:
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Comments:
ah, this lovely strand gets lost amid so much sticky muck. ghost_rider, you can surely write.
— unknown
exquisitely titled
— unknown
zzzzzzzzzzzz
— Liliana
sweet sinister undertones.
— unknown
interesting
— psychofemale
Like it. No nits.
— NicMichaels
when a palehorse falls in the forest is there a sound only his heart can hear -- a clever piece of imagism -- you're a wanderer wandering in a wondering way! that yearn to burn is an ancient ache that'll take you 'round the bend of space, where time converges as a flicker of light in your eyes and a radiance on your beautiful face ...
good poetic imagism is like watching crystals grow making many reflections
— AlchemiA
I love this one....I love how it is explained in a beautiful way, which makes it poetry to me.
— mandolyn
Oh!--loveliness!
Not a nit, pick, or crit--this is perfection as is!
Kudos.
— sybarite
rask kicked lulu out of bed because she snores
and because of her cellulite ripples ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~and grasshopper face, snake shoulders and rhino hips
her trailer has been repossessed
all she has is a cheap camera and bad teeth
— unknown
if only this had more dangerous attractors disgustingly alluring and sensual
— unknown
A little time has passed now and I want to comment and thank all the gracious readers, especially those that rate this work so well.
unk#1, it's nice to be complimented in such a genuine manner, for such a simple piece.
unk#2, I wasn't sure the grammar nazi's would get that, and I am glad you did.
Liliana, lullabies are a good thing too, no?
unk#3, indeed, hinged on the word 'warning'
psychofemale, revolvingly interesting indeed.
nicmichaels, thank you. I have been reading more of your work, you're an outstanding commenter here.
Alchemia, thank you for exposing me to imagism. It's been a good educational read for me. And thank you too, for ascribing that talent to me. Though uncomfortable with it, knowing it comes from a writer like you means a good deal to me.
mandolyn, you are a beautiful poet at heart, and it always shines though.
sybarite, your terse style and adroit words always mean the world to me. So honest and sincere.
unk#4, if lulu and rask were in this same forest, we'd have never had your tale.
unk#5....you truly have me guessing; and wanting more.
— PaleHorse
I do think 6 should be where presently, not when -- because I do think presence rather than tense is the better contrast to the second half of the poem -- nevertheless, this was precisely crafted and a joy to read.
— Crayon
You, my friend, are a beautiful poet at heart and here lie the fruits of your labor. Very nice indeed.
— PaulS
Crayon, you absolutely right...I thank you for catching that. (note the change)
PaulS, you are so kind. Thank you for your read and comments
— PaleHorse
Lots of writing services offer useful information just about this topic, so buy essay or already written essays to get know something about this good post.
— unknown
I can't find a word out of place. And why even look when a poem affects me like this one does?
— A
Thank you A, I like 'affected' as a critique.
and...essays, hunh? I don't get that comment, unk....but okee dokee. I do appreciate the "defib" you brought to this piece.
— PaleHorse
I like it even better now having come back to read it again after a month or so since first reading it.
— ChrisYang
beautifully still. :)
— jenakajoffer
Very creative. I was hoping for me but it ended too soon.
— Isabelle5
"there's a bear in there"
— DeformedLion
and like that, it's gone
— unknown
9-10
— unknown
no
— unknown
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