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Intransitive
PaleHorse

Just the other day
 1
I fell in a forest.
 2
 
 
Not a simple
 3
past tense
 4
 
 
sort of falling,
 5
where presently
 6
 
 
you find yourself
 7
regretting the steps
 8
 
 
that carried you
 9
to the earth;
 10
 
 
no this fall
 11
was more perfect,
 12
 
 
and the stillness
 13
of my fall
 14
 
 
sounded a warning
 15
in my ear.
 16

17 Jun 10

Rated 8.1 (8.4) by 10 users.
Active (10): 5, 7, 7, 8, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (10): 1, 3, 3, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(19 more poems by this author)

(3 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

ah, this lovely strand gets lost amid so much sticky muck. ghost_rider, you can surely write.
 — unknown

exquisitely titled
 — unknown

zzzzzzzzzzzz
 — Liliana

sweet sinister undertones.
 — unknown

interesting
 — psychofemale

Like it. No nits.
 — NicMichaels

when a palehorse falls in the forest is there a sound only his heart can hear -- a clever piece of imagism -- you're a wanderer wandering in a wondering way! that yearn to burn is an ancient ache that'll take you 'round the bend of space, where time converges as a flicker of light in your eyes and a radiance on your beautiful face ...

good poetic imagism is like watching crystals grow making many reflections
 — AlchemiA

I love this one....I love how it is explained in a beautiful way, which makes it poetry to me.
 — mandolyn

Oh!--loveliness!
Not a nit, pick, or crit--this is perfection as is!
Kudos.
 — sybarite

rask kicked lulu out of bed because she snores
and because of her cellulite ripples ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~and grasshopper face, snake shoulders and rhino hips

her trailer has been repossessed
all she has is a cheap camera and bad teeth
 — unknown

if only this had more dangerous attractors disgustingly alluring and sensual
 — unknown

A little time has passed now and I want to comment and thank all the gracious readers, especially those that rate this work so well.

unk#1, it's nice to be complimented in such a genuine manner, for such a simple piece.

unk#2, I wasn't sure the grammar nazi's would get that, and I am glad you did.

Liliana, lullabies are a good thing too, no?

unk#3, indeed, hinged on the word 'warning'

psychofemale, revolvingly interesting indeed.

nicmichaels, thank you. I have been reading more of your work, you're an outstanding commenter here.

Alchemia, thank you for exposing me to imagism. It's been a good educational read for me. And thank you too, for ascribing that talent to me. Though uncomfortable with it, knowing it comes from a writer like you means a good deal to me.

mandolyn, you are a beautiful poet at heart, and it always shines though.

sybarite, your terse style and adroit words always mean the world to me. So honest and sincere.

unk#4, if lulu and rask were in this same forest, we'd have never had your tale.

unk#5....you truly have me guessing; and wanting more.
 — PaleHorse

I do think 6 should be where presently, not when -- because I do think presence rather than tense is the better contrast to the second half of the poem -- nevertheless, this was precisely crafted and a joy to read.
 — Crayon

You, my friend, are a beautiful poet at heart and here lie the fruits of your labor.  Very nice indeed.
 — PaulS

Crayon, you absolutely right...I thank you for catching that. (note the change)

PaulS, you are so kind. Thank you for your read and comments
 — PaleHorse

Lots of writing services offer useful information just about this topic, so buy essay or  already written essays to get know something about this good post.  
 — unknown

I can't find a word out of place. And why even look when a poem affects me like this one does?
 — A

Thank you A, I like 'affected' as a critique.

and...essays, hunh? I don't get that comment, unk....but okee dokee. I do appreciate the "defib" you brought to this piece.
 — PaleHorse

I like it even better now having come back to read it again after a month or so since first reading it.
 — ChrisYang

beautifully still.  :)
 — jenakajoffer

Very creative.  I was hoping for me but it ended too soon.
 — Isabelle5

"there's a bear in there"
 — DeformedLion

and like that, it's gone
 — unknown

9-10
 — unknown

no
 — unknown

lovely. my favourite perpetually intransitive verbs are happen and die.
 — lysandre

Thank you lysandre, DL, Jena, Chris and Isabelle
 — PaleHorse

What the heck?
 — Barranto33

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