poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Love, Passion, Murder

I found hate
in the white of her eyes
where glass fractured
and down poured immortal tears
I licked her neck from the grave-
splashed scarlet tongue
through decaying lips
that she used to kiss
Condensed in a chasm of spite,
the crack of black smoke
bit the steel silence of night
all she has  
is a photograph
Her hatred
in a stream of blood-
haunting her forever,
that image of me
framed in chalk

27 Jun 10

Rated 9.7 (9.7) by 3 users.
Active (3): 9, 10
Inactive (0): 10

(define the words in this poem)
(167 more poems by this author)

(1 user considers this poem a favorite)

Add A Comment:
Enter the following text to post as unknown: captcha


beaucoup edits since posting
 — JKWeb

mean write from your gut
 — psychofemale

Thanks for reading psychofemale.
 — JKWeb

WEB I am in love with this.
 — mandolyn

thanks mandolyn.  glad you like it.
 — JKWeb

awesome write.
 — unknown

Thanks a bunch unknown.  'preciate it.
 — JKWeb

A very JKWebish write--I really like lines 1-19.  Nice work.
 — PaulS

Many thanks PaulS for reading and making a fave.
Glad you like it.
 — JKWeb

Truly powerful write.
L17 might be tighter - "haunting her forever" perhaps and then losing "by" at L18.  
But this is too good to tinker with much. I enjoyed.
 — Abracadabra

Thanks Abracadabra
for your time and insight.  I'll have to give your suggestion(s) for 17 & 18 some more thought.  Glad you enjoyed.
 — JKWeb

few changes-
thanks again Abra.
 — JKWeb