poetry critical

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U.S. Marines
goeszon

We who knew how to soldier,
 1
were drilled to find the enemy,
 2
fix him in place,
 3
and annihilate him...
 4
with withering fire power-
 5
 
 
Imperial Powers know no rest,
 6
there were those guard bums,
 7
guard whores, the ultimate
 8
patriots...
 9
 
 
Hut greenies, sunny as the morning
 10
light, all those beautiful girls touched
 11
with germs, nervous smiling faces.
 12
This was -war culture- to put them
 13
under control... PUC
 14
 
 
The governments have always channeled,
 15
the testosterone of young men, towards
 16
useful national ends the young dumb and
 17
and full of cum, sex kills.
 18
 
 
Yes we were flexible, extremists,
 19
a snap shot for posterity to give our
 20
grandchildren, a look at the country.
 21
 
 
Ours was smash mouth combat!
 22
we would grieve in private later,
 23
as we ran towards the sounds of
 24
gun fire. The Yin and Yang of the
 25
Viet Nam syndrome.
 26
 
 
There was the sound of battle rattle
 27
our body armor, helmets, as we
 28
shouldered the piece, the deer killer.
 29
 
 
We were ready to bear arms, in
 30
villages where children meant peace,
 31
knowing the absence of  the children
 32
meant trouble.
 33
 
 
In those same village outskirts
 34
any sight of animal shit had a
 35
meaning, we were safe from mines
 36
but if something went wrong we
 37
would be left to twist in the wind.
 38
 
 
We were homicidal Neanderthals,
 39
in a small American war, it was
 40
about jobs, jobs, jobs. Viet Nam
 41
was what we had instead of a
 42
happy childhood.
 43
 
 
Quidisiderat praepart bellum;
 44
let he who desires peace prepare for
 45
WAR.
 46

6 Jul 10

Rated 8.9 (9.1) by 17 users.
Active (17): 1, 2, 5, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
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Comments:

I couldn't imagine being in the Marines, I wouldn't make it. Lol..

This is good though, and though I can't imagine being in a spot like this, this poem lets me see exactly why. Great stuff you have here.
 — psychofemale

L32, "absents" should be "absence"

This is pretty good stuff. A lot of your stuff is a little full of self-pity, but this is not.
 — Ananke

Line 4 should be "annihilate".
 — Ananke

P/F Flyer, beautiful singing girl... thank you for your comments, this is not really that great but it is non-fiction    j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

Anake... thanks for your edit skills... nice to hear it is pretty good stuff... it is stuff!
I never realized that my stuff came off as self-pity? maybe since I survived I was glad some how, but not in a pity-pot, my heart was for those who perished in this human waste... they are gone but not forgotten by those of us who serve so many years ago, 160,000 days ago, figure the weekends we lost... think about the families...
 — goeszon

Write on, my friend, purge your soul if you can. Many don't understand the nature of P.T.S.D., being frozen in time, reliving events over and over, trying to find resolve of unresolvable issues. Sometimes the best therapy is to just get it out.
 — JohnW

the reality is that poetry shapes up your experience into your body and loosens up your tight behind so that you can wiggle it in public. poetry isn't about some therapy session where you say what it's about, it's making up a world where it never happened, and then putting in your meat-puppets and making them talk the talk.

poetry gets written by anyone and everyone who's been fucked by life. that means that the fourteen year old girl who'd been dumped by her girl-friend can write a poem just as strong as a poem about eating viet-cong rice. if she's got talent, it'll be way better a poem, stick inside the all the mind of the reader, instead of just giving off a sad-song document document and counting every single window you jumped out of and ran away from in your life.

keep it simple -- think before you write it... think how it's going to be read.
 — bmikebauer

JohnW... getting it out in a way that is excepted by everyone is tough, I write it from memories that were real as could be perhaps a person interested in this era would pick-up some history, it is not about me beginning sorry twit... no it is more than that
more complicated than simple problems of daily life it is a syndrome... I will write here and there an I will have a hard time changing my style... I ride a raw edge an it is just that a raw edge of every day life... j.g. smiles   thanks John for dropping by
 — goeszon

You are a soldier goeszon, i am not, but you always let me read you as soldier.
Your memoirs are poetry.
 — jharrison

Just a few things:  L4, and not an.  L16, testosterone.  L34, outskirts.  This is written in your unique, laid-back style that always has a punch at the end, which I like about your writing.  This is NOT a piece about you feeling sorry for yourself as was suggested above—it is a testament of that era—lest we forget.
 — PaulS

Mike.B... thanks for your interest in writing and poetry etc. I appreciate your thoughts, I am sure it will be awhile before I can understand fully your information although... I try to absorb it... nice to hear from you... j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

JHarrison... I am humbled, an I am glad you believe in me... People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf... George Orwell
Thank you sir....j.g. siles
 — goeszon

Another heavy
nicely rendered write.
 — JKWeb

You PaulS are a stalwart man around these parts... thanks for your editing skills and suggestions and last but not least thanks for your comments... J.G. Smiles
 — goeszon

Thanks JKWeb. I realize my stuff is heavy... although I try to write lightly on subjects it just never works out that way... just non-fiction crowding my mind these years which needs an outlet, sure am glad when I get some feedback here at P/C thats for your comments...  J.G. Smiles
 — goeszon

This shows me what it was like I am to young to join but I am thinking about it because I would like to be a marine
 — Jonnyboy

this is not good at all
lazy, self-indulgent
 — unknown

another raw rendering of life as a marine which allows us into your world, if only for a glimpse of what you endured.  you always capture the emotion so well in your writing.  i imagine the enormity of the memories are difficult to encapsulate into such a concise piece, but you consistently provide thought-provoking and humbling pieces.  thanks.

-tandisol
 — unknown

Thank youTandisol... your comments are well received this morning and drives me to writing other things on my mind. (Surrounding Hill 55) will be a experience  in 1967 which is so clear in my mind, I am sure it will be good to share it so I am not the only one who carries it these years... thanks for stopping by... j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

amazing. graphic reality of the war, depressing, yes, but vivid and well written
 — Rss233

   Rss233... Nice to wake up this morning to a comment with insight... in the hands of this key board a raw memory comes face to face with the community of young folks, old and in between, thank you for your keen observations of this piece sir... I am at the age along with others who served in the short war called Viet Nam , 58,000 or so deaths just on our side etc anyway we are dying off and some one has to reveal the truth.... J.G. Smiles
 — goeszon

The jealous mother fucker who couldn't write his way out of a piece of toilet paper has stuck again ... knocking off U.S. Marines with his unknown 5's... what a piece of shit...j.g. Smiles

Why don't you just knock off  Common Ba with your  back stabbing 5's too prick it is easy here at Poetry Critical, phantom jerks ... to bad for P/C who can't even figure their ass out to wreck this persons life too... J.G. Smiles
 — goeszon

you whined when I gave you a string of 5's. you bleated when I gave you a slew of 1's. Well, here is a series of 10's. Perhaps you can wear them in gracious silence.

I don't believe you have been to war. I am a 24-year-old who was stationed in Kandahar, and I would never be biled or riled by points on a poetry website.

Your responses are going into my research report. Thank you most kindly, stays off, old chap.
 — unknown

Then post yourself and your poetry under a user name, and we shall find out if it would or would not rile you.

I don't believe you were stationed in Khadahar, in fact you've never even been in the Army.

You're a 24 year loser. Post using your account name, or stay as the coward who wanted to join up, but pissed himself when it came to it.
 — unknown

Couldn't've said it better myself.   ^
 — starr

Excellent, compelling and vibrant as always, Goeszon.  
 — starr

:-) ^
 — starr

Thanks Unk and Starr*** This guy sounds like someone Sherlock Holmes should be chasing around, now I see 10's dropped on my piece that was not my point... my point is no one should have spooky powers what we would call a (spook ) in  the Marines no one should be able to confuse rating or deny poems the time they should be exposed etc, I am not sure what is wrong with this guy but I do know Jr. and High school is out right now here in the states maybe this blok just is bored being out of school...J.G. Smiles
 — goeszon

l34-38 is very affecting.
 — unknown

Unk... thank you for your thoughts ... let me explain more...
when a group of Marines are moving thru an area , walking, there is always a chance of stepping on a surface land mine, designed to blow your legs  or balls off and hurt anyone near you... but when you saw farmers with their herds of animal in a area you knew their walking around here and there with no loss of the herd you knew the bad guys had not mined there an indication was animal shit... j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

When you're in the corner and have no cash to move out from that, you will have to take the credit loans. Because that will aid you unquestionably. I get car loan every year and feel OK because of that.
 — unknown

I understand individual pain. I get being angry for ones' self and those he's lost.  I fear America's media did more arm in the Vietnam conflict than anything else. Our media turned average Americans against their own country with misleading and emotionally overwhelming reports. The fight against communism and the invasion of another country was and is not wrong. Communism has cost the world more lives than any other single epidemic.  The fallacy of communism has been proven, it is a historical fact. Good ol' uncle ho brought nothing but death and starvation, as communism always has wherever it's breathed, to South Vietnam. The sad truth is America lost the will and the perspective of the big picture due to bleeding heart liberal communist simpythizing media and far left movement that still lives in our great nation today. America was not liberated from England and did not become the greatest nation on earth by political correctness or fear of hurting someone elses feelings. We fought, yes with guns, for that distiction and carved our own destiny out of an untapped land. Let us not forget the nightmares The Greatest Generation endured on their return as well. The sacrifices of the American Fighting Man have never been in vain even though, at times, our misguided left leaning friends would have you believe so. From the soldier to the working man America has been built on blood spilled in the belief and achievement of a better more free tomorrow for both Americans and the citizens of all other nations on this earth.  
 — unknown

That was outstanding Unk... thank you for your heart... as I will continue to say here and there
People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf ..ohhrahh this was written by George Orwell by the way...
   j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

this pome is very inspiring
 — DONALDSDEALS

This is just a glimpse of what it was like.  I can't imagine it, even having watched many Viet Nam movies.that were paralyzing in their fear and grief.  PSTD is a real condition, almost brain damage, something so seared into the emotional pathways that healing is a tough and long process.

Line 35 - site or do you mean the sight of animal shit?  And does cumm have two m's?  

You sound angry, so terribly angry.  I have never been to that kind of war but I have had personal wars, I understand cold rage.  That comes through this for me.
 — Isabelle5

Donaldseals... he was shakin all over like a man scared child, I ask his name , he said my name is killer Kyle... I am not sure what I inspired you too? perhaps you have some other thoughts I wish now I knew... come back Killer Kyle... they want you they need you... they train you to kill, the old hate the young... j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

Isabelle5... we drank the dead mans water, sure I am angry all I wanted to do was piss state side... water...  but that was the world... civilians kept us back in country... I have made the spelling changes... thanks for your sharp eyes... Thank you for coming around ... pit falls of war PTSD, so what, now we have meds and group therapy  for the turn around but its only pills and talk, not an eraser for our memories...   j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

Hey, Uncle Mike!  Glad your poem's doin' so well!  Deservedly, of course!  :-)
 — starr

**** looks like i am on a slide... lol  thanks for your thoughts , your a good nephew i think i will leave you in my " Will "   j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

I personally prefer more metaphor and mystery, but this is a powerful piece in its anger and images.
 — JaneyJane

janeyjane... thank for you critique... well taken...j.g. smiles


this person is doing what this site was set up for i believe

the mystery prick rides again with his damage... you take this system to seriously  Goeszon... i know enough to stay away while this fool learns to write for himself... j.g. smiles
 — goeszon

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