|Breaking Bread with Birds (Soupline Meditation #13)
The color of birdsong is slurred speech
in the tops of trees-
Spring brings a thaw
to these frozen streets;
I break bread with sparrows
and warbling, incoherent others.
7 Jul 10
Rated 10 (7.9) by 2 users.
Inactive (11): 2, 3, 3, 4, 7, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
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what happened to the pigeons?
LOL! They're still out there with me too, but today, I was in the company of these cute little guys and a couple of homeless people. xo, Rask! :-)
lines 6 and 7 .. there is a state beyond poetry, those lines say it.
state, being, knowing, comprehending, immersion, existing.
Awwwwwwwwwwwww!!! You always know where I'm coming from! Thanks 4 that! xoxo!
I knew this was a starr poem...short, cliche, inconsequential.
^Man o' man starr you have the same kinda no-go-nad fans that i do.
I think the couplets 2 & 3 don't do justice to the opening tercet.
Work it a little more, it'll be worth it.
Thanks, Mic2. I got rid of those couplets. :-)
typical starr realness.
At first I thought the title read:
"Baking Bread with Sparrows"
I thought that would make a good title.
'Sing a song of sixpence... a pocket full of rye.'
Hmmm...I want what YOU'RE smokin'! Then we could be baking bread with Western Himalayan Quails. :-)
I might change sparrows to birds in the title, so that sparrow's new in the final strophe, and so the bird thing umbrellas the critters and the others in the poem more fully.
Nice write, love the sonics.
Thanks, Nic! I also cracked up when I got your comment on FB! U silly "old broad," you! LOL! xo
love the last line, starr......perfect little piece
Thanks, Tandi! Glad u like it. I was just listening to a few of the local homeless while I was feedin' the birds in early spring. They were all drunk sitting on a wall and I swear it was "warbling." None of it made any sense and it mixed well with birdsong. Only a poet would come up with shit like this! Hehe. :-) xo
What happened to that beautiful first stanza? In my opinion, the poem is weakened without it.
Paul, thanks! LOL! I dont' even remember what the first stanza originally WAS! Ma bad! If u can refresh my memory, I'll take another look. Hope you're enjoying your summer, buddy. What a difference from LAST YEAR, huh? THIS feels like SUMMER! xo
I belive it began with "The color of birdsong" or something to that effect. I so adored that line, could really relate. I HATE this weather--temps near 100 and the air so humid you can swim in it. Last night I was dreaming about winter, hahaha.
I remember those lines, Paul. Thanks 4 refresha-macating my memory. I'll have another look at those. I deleted 'em because someone was saying that they didn't work well 4 this poem. Plus, I wanted to focus more on the "street" itself as opposed to the "winter into spring" thing. Anybody else agree with Paul on this? And thanks in advance 4 your suggestions. Yep. It's been hot here too! Cool down manana. :-)
Okay...just reconstructed L's 1 & 2. Hope y'all dig it. Thanks again, Paul! Apprecia-ma-cate it, buddy. Stay cool down there, bruh. :-)
THAT'S what I'm talkin bout!
LOL! You know it, brotha! Thanks for the help here, Paul! :-)
I love this.
Thanks, salamander! Glad u like it! :-)
neat image this presented in my head
Thanks, psychofemale! Glad u dig it. - psychostarr :-)