| Another Timely Descent
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A
| It never occurred to me | 1 |
if Pluto should be considered | 2 |
a planet. I barely remember | 3 |
the temper of your sun, | 4 |
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let alone care to decide | 5 |
if a mouse will outwait the owl, | 6 |
or how a girl will judge | 7 |
an approaching vagabond. | 8 |
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It’s all too much | 9 |
detail sometimes, | 10 |
such drama, even for me; | 11 |
I have galaxies to spin— | 12 |
they progress | 13 |
faster than you know. Yet | 14 |
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through my absences, | 15 |
you remain so earnest— | 16 |
believing yourself to be | 17 |
a favorite child, so sure | 18 |
a Father must be near | 19 |
and in all things. I nearly believe | 20 |
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such faith can delay | 21 |
the restarting of time, | 22 |
that you might follow | 23 |
the meteor’s arc, | 24 |
willing it to burn away | 25 |
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until, a molten seed, | 26 |
it crashes through your waiting palm. | 27 |
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21 Jul 10 |
Rated 9.9 (9.9) by 12 users.
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Comments:
This is executed well, and you have awareness in your voice. Love 12-14 and barely remembering the temper of the sun. Starts weak, I think. Pluto being a planet or not is a different thing entirely, isn't it?
Strange to me is the fact that I am at this very moment in the middle of writing poem that expresses the exact opposite sentiment.
— Ananke
brilliant!
— psychofemale
Not to defend a weak start--if to you it's weak, then that's just the way it is--but to answer your question: I think it's a valid concept. It starts with what was au courant when I wrote this--the downgrading of Pluto--then comes down to Earth. I'm not an astronomer but understand that planets have a relationship specific to the temper(ature) of their stars.
Thank you for your encouragement. I look forward to reading that poem.
— A
This is the best poem I have read all day.
— mandolyn
I get what you mean.
Two things still bother me about it. I guess it bugged me because the other things... the temperature of the sun, what a mouse will do or what a girl would think... those are things that humans attribute to god sometimes. But whether Pluto is a planet or not, that's based on human definitions no matter what way you dice it.
Also, I think perhaps it's just the wording. My my mind seems to think it should say "whether" instead of "if" in line 2. I don't know whether that's the correct grammar or not.
— Ananke
"whether Pluto is a planet or not, that's based on human definitions no matter what way you dice it." Exactly. Keep in mind that as I wrote this, I didn't really know where it was going--probably the case with most of us; we end up interpreting our own poems. In my interpretation this is largely about the human definition of God. What is defined and/or decided by whom?
Whether would be okay, but I think the line stands alone better with if.
Thanks for coming back and for making me think more about the poem. That's what I need!
A
— unknown
Thank you, mandolyn.
A
— unknown
I certainly understand a poem becoming its own thing.
cheers.
— Ananke
Why a (girl judging a vagabond? could be child and would make more sense. ah i see favorite child down there> but still this favorite child thing could be changed to the favored one.
-A' Fan
— unknown
I'm trying to represent randomness with the dissimilar. As for the girl, though, like it or not, in many societies, girls represent vulnerability. But that's actually a secondary reason for using girl. There's nothing in the poem to indicate it, so the primary reason couldn't be known by anyone but me: The would-be hero of this poem, the one with the waiting palms, is a woman.
Thanks for asking. I like to answer.
— A
yes, it's easier to perceive fault in others when we are close to death ourselves.
— manuka
I like your interpretation. Thank you.
A
— unknown
I've read this a coupla' times and am not sure why the first 2 and a half lines don't feel right but the rest is money. Nice work. Oh, and I really like the title.
— JKWeb
When it hits you, hit me back. Thanks.
A
— unknown
So even something as big as a solar system is too small for God to think about, let alone what happens on our planet?
— unknown
the existentialism of the poem is perfectly balanced with it's heart.
— PaleHorse
That's the best thing I've read all day. Thank you, PaleHorse.
A
— unknown
This comment has been suspended by a moderator.
gneiss.
; )
— fractalcore
i keep coming back to this poem...i've begun to need it.
— pittsburgh
Thank you, fractalcore.
Means a lot, Pittsburgh!
A
— unknown
This is beautiful! For some inexplicable reason, I'm hearing "Rocket's Tail" by Kate Bush when I read it. :-)
— starr
still loving this*
— mandolyn
Don't know the song. I'll check it out. Thanks Starr.
And thands for revisiting, Mandolyn.
A
— unknown
This is top-notch, beautifully written--consider me a fan :)
— PaulS
Succinct.
— aurelius
Thank you, PaulS and aurelius.
A
— unknown
Oh here it is.
— unknown
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