poetry critical

online poetry workshop



in the attic
psychofemale

let's open the secret door
 1
to the room we share our
 2
deepest
 3
darkest
 4
secrets in
 5
[]
 6
light the flame
 7
intoxicate
 8
[]
 9
[]
 10
feel the heat from
 11
conversation
 12
[]
 13
let your emotions run
 14
wild
 15
[]
 16
let's store our past
 17
in the attic
 18
with the
 19
wicker rocking chair
 20
no longer used
 21
along with the
 22
bag of clothes
 23
we sit on for
 24
cushion
 25
for comfort
 26
[]
 27
the attic is a
 28
great place
 29
to keep things
 30
we love
 31
but have no room for
 32
in our presence
 33
in our hearts
 34
our souls
 35
our life
 36

the poem is supposed to shaped like an upside down key.

22 Jul 10

Rated 8.5 (10) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10
Inactive (2): 7, 10, 10

(define the words in this poem)
(59 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

Save lines 1 through 16 and 27 through 36 for song lyrics. Lines 17 through 26 should be further mined for poetry. Swallow the key.
 — A

"feel the heat from conversation" -- keep that for sure. and 17-26, good stuff.
:)
 — mandolyn

thanks guys that really means a lot
 — psychofemale

i am writing a similar thing in my poem about parenthesis, that's why i feel i can relate to this.  well done.
 — manuka

thank you that means a lot
cant wait to read urs
 — psychofemale

anyone else?
 — psychofemale

i like the parentheses...the way they leave things up to us to imagine what to put there.  for me, the real poem is the fifth stanza.  i know it would be hard to let go of the key shape, but i want to hear more about what is in the attic and be allowed to draw the parallels myself.  i like your attic, though.  
 — pittsburgh

they're 'brackets', aren't they -- in scholarship they show either a missing part of the text or a comment by the editor. in a poem, i think they're little windows into another dimension in back of the poem.
 — bmikebauer

they are just suppose to add to the key shape
 — psychofemale

i like what u said though mike
 — psychofemale

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