poetry critical

online poetry workshop

in the attic

let's open the secret door
to the room we share our
secrets in
light the flame
feel the heat from
let your emotions run
let's store our past
in the attic
with the
wicker rocking chair
no longer used
along with the
bag of clothes
we sit on for
for comfort
the attic is a
great place
to keep things
we love
but have no room for
in our presence
in our hearts
our souls
our life

the poem is supposed to shaped like an upside down key.

22 Jul 10

Rated 8.5 (10) by 2 users.
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Inactive (2): 7, 10, 10, 10

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Save lines 1 through 16 and 27 through 36 for song lyrics. Lines 17 through 26 should be further mined for poetry. Swallow the key.
 — A

"feel the heat from conversation" -- keep that for sure. and 17-26, good stuff.
 — mandolyn

thanks guys that really means a lot
 — psychofemale

i am writing a similar thing in my poem about parenthesis, that's why i feel i can relate to this.  well done.
 — manuka

thank you that means a lot
cant wait to read urs
 — psychofemale

anyone else?
 — psychofemale

i like the parentheses...the way they leave things up to us to imagine what to put there.  for me, the real poem is the fifth stanza.  i know it would be hard to let go of the key shape, but i want to hear more about what is in the attic and be allowed to draw the parallels myself.  i like your attic, though.  
 — pittsburgh

they're 'brackets', aren't they -- in scholarship they show either a missing part of the text or a comment by the editor. in a poem, i think they're little windows into another dimension in back of the poem.
 — bmikebauer

they are just suppose to add to the key shape
 — psychofemale

i like what u said though mike
 — psychofemale