poetry critical : poem

in the attic

let's open the secret door	1
to the room we share our	2
deepest	3
darkest	4
secrets in	5
[]	6
light the flame	7
intoxicate	8
[]	9
[]	10
feel the heat from	11
conversation	12
[]	13
let your emotions run	14
wild	15
[]	16
let's store our past	17
in the attic	18
with the	19
wicker rocking chair	20
no longer used	21
along with the	22
bag of clothes	23
we sit on for	24
cushion	25
for comfort	26
[]	27
the attic is a	28
great place	29
to keep things	30
we love	31
but have no room for	32
in our presence	33
in our hearts	34
our souls	35
our life	36

the poem is supposed to shaped like an upside down key.

22 Jul 10

Rated 10 (10) by 4 users.

Active (4): 7, 10, 10, 10
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Comments:

Save lines 1 through 16 and 27 through 36 for song lyrics. Lines 17 through 26 should be further mined for poetry. Swallow the key.
— A

"feel the heat from conversation" -- keep that for sure. and 17-26, good stuff.
:)
— mandolyn

thanks guys that really means a lot
— psychofemale

i am writing a similar thing in my poem about parenthesis, that's why i feel i can relate to this. well done.
— manuka

thank you that means a lot
cant wait to read urs
— psychofemale

anyone else?
— psychofemale

i like the parentheses...the way they leave things up to us to imagine what to put there. for me, the real poem is the fifth stanza. i know it would be hard to let go of the key shape, but i want to hear more about what is in the attic and be allowed to draw the parallels myself. i like your attic, though.
— pittsburgh

they're 'brackets', aren't they -- in scholarship they show either a missing part of the text or a comment by the editor. in a poem, i think they're little windows into another dimension in back of the poem.
— bmikebauer

they are just suppose to add to the key shape
— psychofemale

i like what u said though mike
— psychofemale

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