| please whisper near the bitter woman
|
jpmhawk
| for crying out loud, just look at the way her head bobbles | 1 |
not nodding, affirming nothing, | 2 |
protecting a bun pulled tightly behind her | 3 |
from gusts (in her mind) of | 4 |
dick head wind | 5 |
she rhymed once scolding a soccer coach | 6 |
and winced borderline romantically | 7 |
at the notion of art | 8 |
she might make | 9 |
| |
but always whisper, always near her | 10 |
-never leave her rotten side; you are | 11 |
her son, the daughter, pristine neighbor | 12 |
bitch to her | 13 |
who is this bitter woman with thistled hands, | 14 |
bleeding molten ash | 15 |
from sundry scars | 16 |
and lips like two stacked worms? | 17 |
| |
you think we built her, kids in the woods with | 18 |
emergency-lever forts, we? | 19 |
dressed her in iron girders, made into chimes | 20 |
her bones the winds won't touch? | 21 |
|
22 Jul 10 |
Rated 9.6 (9.6) by 10 users.
Active (10): 1, 7, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (0):
(define the words in this poem)
(4 more poems by this author)
(4 users consider this poem a favorite)
|
Add A Comment:
|
Comments:
Wow. Very well done. There's just a hint (seasoning) on what might of made her this way--"dick head wind," and "we built her..."--not enought to dilute.
Love the accidental art, the lips like two stacked worms.
— A
I like this. Very good imagery and leaves much to the imagination. Good descriptive wording. Good job
— JohnW
dedicated to isabelle
— unknown
excellent writing.
there is nothing more to say.
♥
— mandolyn
A, John & Mandy-- I'm happy to hear the bitterness tickled your pallets!
— jpmhawk
astoundlingly powerful, just speechless.
— manuka
Wow! Thank you, manuka.
— jpmhawk
jesus you always pull it off, never cease to amaze me. i wish you made a book, i would buy it.
— jenakajoffer
Aww jen... you always know how to put that quiver in my loins... that's a great compliment!
— jpmhawk
I seem to be getting you and JKwebster confused- arte you two the same personna?
— unknown
I like it, but it almost borders on crazy person speak. Not like hospital crazy but downtown Los Angeles bus rider crazy. I like thinking about what your saying but i dislike when poems have personal meaning only to you that I can't figure out.
I think the issue here for me might be that I know what your saying it but not why your saying it.
— frogilicus
unk... JKweb and I are indeed different personas... I wish I could write some of the poems he does, though...
frogger... thank for the well thought crit... I think you read it correctly!
— jpmhawk
Frog, you mean the guy with the green and pink hair wearing the woolen parka in July?
— unknown
I think you are JK. I mean John Kennedy
It was a conspiracy I tell you. I liked the crazy peom
— unknown
For you
— V
Why periods at the line breaks? you don't need them, let it float.
lovely tho
— Salamander
wonderful and ai gree with sala
— psychofemale
thank you one and all... mander, erased a couple periods... nice idea
— jpmhawk
God, you're fuckin' good! This is AWESOME!!!! I hate you. Hehe.
— starr
aww Starman... I hate you too! with love
— jpmhawk
...and I hate you TOO with LOVE! LOL!!! Great, great poem, especially L's 20 & 21. Amazing imagery there, buddy! :-)
— starr
you can be my lucky starr... because you shine on me where ever you are... Madonna got in my goat
— jpmhawk
Love this one Jess, lines 4, 5, and 17 especially.
— dannyprice
L's 6-9 are great, but the second stanza muddles my path through the poem -- the dash at the front of 11 I don't understand, and while my reading of it is that those told never to leave her rotten side are the ones accused of building the old hag by the lost boy narrator, that took a while to understand. My initial confusion was at how incredulous L19 is when an alternative to that conclusion isn't introduced and the one presented in L18 isn't explained.
— unknown
i like this alot:)
— horsegirl
|
|
|