| conceptual movement and outside shows
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manuka
| [you are temporary | 1 |
a biographical space | 2 |
existing outside | 3 |
the boundaries | 4 |
of normal life.] | 5 |
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unconventional lines of reason | 6 |
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[brow beaten | 7 |
segmented thoughts supress] | 8 |
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cloud your brow | 9 |
in ambiguous segments | 10 |
[suppressed] | 11 |
similar | 12 |
and yet different | 13 |
to me[from me] | 14 |
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[enclosed attention | 15 |
destabilises meaning] | 16 |
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we circle each other | 17 |
with enclosed attention | 18 |
destabili[z]sing meaning | 19 |
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[remove us | 20 |
the lunula world remains.] | 21 |
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remove either[expendible us] | 22 |
the world remains; | 23 |
a tested lunula. | 24 |
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. . . | 25 |
. . . | 26 |
. . . | 27 |
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this was the next poem i wrote |
24 Jul 10 |
Rated 10 (10) by 2 users.
Active (2): 10, 10
Inactive (0):
(define the words in this poem)
(2 more poems by this author)
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Add A Comment:
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Comments:
hhhhhhhhhh----------eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee---------------llllllllllllll lllllllllllllll-------------ppppppp
— manuka
I like the conceit and many of your word choices. I want to bring it into sharper focus by addition or subtraction.
This is by nature abstract. Your overall tone says that you are sure of your interpretation but your phrasing suggests otherwise, so I'd go with subtraction to manage a sense of blunt certainty--no asides or disclaimers. I'll use your ending as an example:
remove us
the lunula world remains.
— A
thank you for your comment, i've made a few adjustments.
— manuka
you complete pig Manuka.
— unknown
how did you know i'm me?
— manuka
please may i have some more feedback?
— manuka
neat
— psychofemale
bless you psychofemale.
— manuka
lol^
— mandolyn
i don't know what to say.
i wish i could give you some grade A feedback, but you will have to accept a C-
this is heavy. help me lift it.
— mandolyn
um really, it just isn't.
— manuka
what if i typed it in braille?
— manuka
the next poem is always the best one... this one works good now, though... the z in 19 is a zinger.
— bmikebauer
thanks, i can't say i poured out my soul in measured strains because the poem only took me five minutes. the revisions will make the poem.
— manuka
lol- yeah, type it in braille.
;)
— mandolyn
eeeesh!
— manuka
i have typed "lol" in braille.
— manuka
25-27 --AWESOME. I totally get it. This is amazing.
;)
— mandolyn
bloop, pop, fizz
— manuka
if my poem lacks confidence, does that mean i have confidence, or not?
— manuka
i think people just pretend to be offended.
— unknown
no
mandolyn truly offends me.
— unknown
I never told you you lacked confidence manuk. I like your writing. :)
And to the previous poster- whoever you are- how did I offend thee?
— mandolyn
it's just something that worries me.
— manuka
what exactly worries you?
— mandolyn
^ do i smell sarcasm? ^.-
— mandolyn
no, not at all. you know the way visiting a gallery gives your work confidence. well, just because work "shows" confidence does that mean the artist "has" confidence? there's a difference between what you display and what you are, in poetry. it's a preference issue. but i shouldn't be thinking.. i love poets, they're so funny.
lol, you and your odd nose.
— manuka
"it's all about the confidence, love a bit of cock"
-- Jamie Oliver
the horror??!!
— unknown
my confidence in photography came when i found my own style -- when i gave up trying to make art like 'them' and just made lamer-mike's art... made what i really, really, wanted to see on the surface. i was never able to do that with painting though, and i'm ashamed of that, because i tried so hard to find something to say. that was the problem... i still didn't have a way i wanted to say it.
i've found my voice in poetry too... i write beyond post-mod, for my good poems, and write what i want the poem to be like.
— bmikebauer
not trying to have confidence, i think that's the key. thanks mike, here's to the next poem.
— manuka
you make what you love, and 'confidence' evaporates as a notion... it becomes part of splitting yourself in two, to live inside his dream of you. he doesn't even know we make art, but he's the cause of any art we've ever made. that boy who broke our heart when we we 16.
— bmikebauer
hmm
— manuka
no, it's a candle in the wind
— manuka
lol, it's not about what you like and then it is but not completely, then it isn't again
could it not be a rip off ever?
— manuka
remember that this is a poetry workshop, and not a free-space for your creativity, where you can act silly because there's no live critique. if you have a talent for writing, why not let it carry you, instead of pushing it into onto the room like you were an angry mother, like your talent with writing was a shy thin child who embarrassed you in public...?
— bmikebauer
'k
— manuka
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