| Salomé
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jharrison
| Hallow me, | 1 |
shallow bound, | 2 |
ageless found | 3 |
this glass foot | 4 |
step daughter .. | 5 |
indigo eye, | 6 |
candle mouth | 7 |
illumine the | 8 |
quarter. | 9 |
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She spelled | 10 |
naked libation | 11 |
on a seven times | 12 |
paper virgin, | 13 |
pouring water | 14 |
onto chalk teeth, | 15 |
soft fruits girl, | 16 |
a baptised | 17 |
head is just fine, | 18 |
better to say, | 19 |
dear father, | 20 |
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what would you | 21 |
give to me? | 22 |
whatever you | 23 |
desire | 24 |
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give it | 25 |
while I live.. | 26 |
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procurator of law, | 27 |
and temple veils. | 28 |
Of burning straw, | 29 |
and scorpion nails. | 30 |
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27 Jul 10 |
Rated 9.6 (9.6) by 7 users.
Active (7): 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (0): 8
(define the words in this poem)
(10 more poems by this author)
(1 user considers this poem a favorite)
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Comments:
scorpion nails are what scorpion carpenters use.
horribly over-affected and meaningless drivel.
period.
— unknown
lovely word play and music...this piece proves out that the old themes ain't all that old.
— pittsburgh
the nails aren't the kind of nails you hammer into wood, unk ;)
and thank you for your read, pitt.
— jharrison
god...reading this again, i'm eaten up. fucking wish i'd wrote this, jharrison. *grin*
— pittsburgh
written, i mean.
— pittsburgh
thanks again, pitt! :D
— jharrison
i love the way the words move in this
— psychofemale
many thanks pf ;)
— jharrison
hypnotique
— unknown
thanks unk ;)
— jharrison
lines 27 = 30 almost read like a curse. very good.
— manuka
most appreciated manuka :)
— jharrison
This is a very interesting poem; I love "this glass foot/step daughter". The there is a dynamic mystery here between author and Salome'. I assume Salome' is a woman simply because I think Nietzsche's one big love was a Madam Salome - so it could be well a man.
I therefore think the author is a woman, because she's in tune with the intense power of this figure and her hightened (and plightened) freedom. Therefore wonder if there is a deeply feminist moment in the authors words - though this is all based on figmant, prejudice and assumption - hence the poem is evocative and obscure at the same time. I do think there is a bit of structural work that could be done. I think the form could be spread a bit, something like this;
Salomé
Hallow me shallow bound, ageless found -
this glass foot
step daughter...
indigo eye,
Candle mouth, illuminates
The quarter -
She spelled
Naked libation on a seven times
Paper virgin, pouring water
Onto chalk
Teeth, soft fruits girl, a baptised
Head
Is just fine,
better to say dear father -
What would you give to me?
Whatever you desire - give it
While I live...
Procurator of law and
Temple veils of burning straw, and
Scorpion nails.
I'm not sure what I've done is an improvement, but I think to play around with the form might be helpful, otherwise stupid people will say stuff like "scorpion nails are what scorpion carpenters use. horribly over-affected and meaningless drivel. period." as if there was such a thing as over-affected and meaninglessnes in poetry. Meaninglessness is a poeticly important meaning - and it is an emotional, affective meaning - and this meaning is not even in this poetry so "unknown" should not hide their stupid views behind their namelessness.
— asphara
and a very interesting reply asphara, you have given me much to think on, and yes i will look at your arrangement, and try and see if i can incorporate the form, as i do like some of the lay out and breaks, and how it changes some of the poetry.
you have a perceptive eye on your read, and you are accurate to a millimeter of the truth ;)
thank you for your read and input.
— jharrison
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