poetry critical

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don't doubt it.
psychofemale

two lost souls
 1
riding topless
 2
listening
 3
for a melody
 4
to feel worth
 5
 
 
the mustard paint
 6
keeps creating
 7
lines
 8
 
 
and we keep
 9
following them
 10
like it's our
 11
destiny
 12
 
 
I can almost taste
 13
Japan
 14
already know the menu
 15
by heart
 16
 
 
spicy shrimp
 17
claims me
 18
 
 
because I'm one
 19
in the same
 20
 
 
when we get there
 21
we will become
 22
 
 
camels
 23
in the sun
 24
 
 
carrying baggage
 25
to the fountain
 26
 
 
when done
 27
we'll head back
 28
 
 
into reality
 29
 
 
and won't doubt it
 30
 
 
when we get there
 31

29 Jul 10

Rated 9.5 (9.5) by 2 users.
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Comments:

why camels if you are going to japan? should it be a dragon instead, or a very small compact car with a wind up pin?
 — unknown

its suppose to be like that because in our minds we are not in "reality" we are in our own little world
 — psychofemale

and camels get hot in the desert sun.... hence the spice in the shrimp making you hot and wanting water
 — psychofemale

Still I do not see the camel, much confusing psycguy
 — unknown

nice poem
 — JKWeb

it's poetry- you can ride camels to japan.
i like this.
:)
 — mandolyn

thanks Jk and Mandy, yes poetry can do that..it can take you somewhere never thought of before. :)
Unk, one question...do you have this like complex? I think maybe as I child someone confused you for the wrong gender now you are just out to get the world now. If so I am sorry you had to go through that, but um grow up.
 — psychofemale

;)
 — unknown

:D
 — psychofemale

and unk don't ask yourself why camels...say "why not" ;) step out of reality
 — psychofemale

or would you rather me go back to my simple rhyme poems that people have heard the meaning to a trillion times :D
 — psychofemale

*cough*
 — unknown

OUT to get the world on a camel to japan, goo goo guy pants
 — unknown

I never said I was riding a camel, I said I was turning into one. Waiting for the waitress to bring you water is a bitch when your mouth is on fire so the weight I carry is the fire in my mouth craving for the water. If anything is riding its the baggage on my back me being the camel.

I still see your balls haven't grow back just yet, don't worry UNk there's always tomorrow.
 — psychofemale

You can always play that game boys do where they tuck, no one will know the difference ;)
 — psychofemale

The baggage we carry is the fire just like camels carry baggage. The weird part is that camels don't really need water but we as HUMANS do...its suppose to mess with your mind a bit. I guess my mission was accomplished ....by damn i may be a poet after all LMAO
 — psychofemale

When i was small boy my father still love for with my mummy and we go to spain for lots of big family holidays. I eat lots of shrimps and other small red insects from sea and next day i had poo so much it hurt my bottom. Nice DOCtor from other village came to see me in bed with mummy give me water and tell me that food from sea not good for the sun and make mankind sick for days and maybe not well for school or work or even to go for holiday in SPAIN. this POEM for you is not nice for me because I remeber not nice. THANK YOU.
 — leaf

Well then I am sorry that you got sick !!
 — psychofemale

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