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Mass
Empty

at mass tonight I sat in the back
 1
my coat still on
 2
hidden
 3
they sung from the hymnal
 4
I read from a book on ouranophobia
 5
they talked of a common goal
 6
I thought of the storm outside
 7
during communion
 8
almost everyone went forward
 9
I stayed in my seat
 10
a small boy next to me
 11
screamed and banged on the pew
 12
I want to go home daddy!
 13
take me home
 14
then he looked over at me
 15
angry and then solemn
 16
I didn't look away
 17
 
 
after awhile he smiled
 18
and so did I
 19
 
 
Its snowing outside
 20
but I cant hear it
 21
the wind is blowing outside
 22
but I cant hear it
 23
everyone is singing
 24
o come emmanuel
 25
but I cant hear it
 26

30 Jul 10

Rated 9.8 (9.8) by 8 users.
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Comments:

very well done,pretty anxed? i dont if its an interpretation of anti-catholicism or self loathing but still, good job.
 — Rss233

*know if
 — Rss233

How are you?
 — mandolyn

I would use *sang for L4 instead of sung.
:)
 — mandolyn

isn't it ok, when you're inventing the grammar of the poem, to use english the way you have to use it? it may be a mistake of grammar, for 'sung' here, but it's also ok, in poetry, to drop the helper verb. this was done in 16th century verse, where the author was well educated in latin and greek, and knew that the verb's core was the action itself, and not the ropes holding it up... the 'do' and 'have' and all... that, in poetry, it's the context is what supplies the mood... or, at least, the reality that someone else can read english the way you're writing it. there were only relatively few people who could read poetry at all, in those days. it's still the case.
 — bmikebauer

sonic wise, you see how the 'sung' resonates with 'our' in 'ourano...' and not the '..ano' part? that keeps the voice inside the cone of diction, keeping the reader reading straight through to 'goal', instead of dropping it on the next harmonic to '...an', which is the 'awk' of talk. the poetry voice is what keeps you on the path of the poem.
 — bmikebauer

ouranophobia?
why are you there then?
 — unknown

Why cant you hear it? And do you wish to?
These questions you made me think about, are worth thinking about.
It could go either way.
 — unknown

I hear reconciliation when I read this, but that could be my projection. everything here works me as a perfect mirror so in that, at least, you've succeeded.
 — Crayon

Lines 20 to 26 are moving.
A telling sentiment.
 — unholy

sad
 — unknown

sorry, my brain is out of critique. but I like this.
 — SteelAngel

I like this, very different
 — psychofemale

Well felt.
 — unknown

I like this.  I think she doesn't hear anything at the end because she has connected to the little boy who smiled at her and saw something of God in him.
 — unknown

Flee church.
 — unknown

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