| Mass
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Empty
| at mass tonight I sat in the back | 1 |
my coat still on | 2 |
hidden | 3 |
they sung from the hymnal | 4 |
I read from a book on ouranophobia | 5 |
they talked of a common goal | 6 |
I thought of the storm outside | 7 |
during communion | 8 |
almost everyone went forward | 9 |
I stayed in my seat | 10 |
a small boy next to me | 11 |
screamed and banged on the pew | 12 |
I want to go home daddy! | 13 |
take me home | 14 |
then he looked over at me | 15 |
angry and then solemn | 16 |
I didn't look away | 17 |
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after awhile he smiled | 18 |
and so did I | 19 |
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Its snowing outside | 20 |
but I cant hear it | 21 |
the wind is blowing outside | 22 |
but I cant hear it | 23 |
everyone is singing | 24 |
o come emmanuel | 25 |
but I cant hear it | 26 |
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30 Jul 10 |
Rated 9.8 (9.8) by 8 users.
Active (8): 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
Inactive (0):
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Comments:
very well done,pretty anxed? i dont if its an interpretation of anti-catholicism or self loathing but still, good job.
— Rss233
*know if
— Rss233
How are you?
— mandolyn
I would use *sang for L4 instead of sung.
:)
— mandolyn
isn't it ok, when you're inventing the grammar of the poem, to use english the way you have to use it? it may be a mistake of grammar, for 'sung' here, but it's also ok, in poetry, to drop the helper verb. this was done in 16th century verse, where the author was well educated in latin and greek, and knew that the verb's core was the action itself, and not the ropes holding it up... the 'do' and 'have' and all... that, in poetry, it's the context is what supplies the mood... or, at least, the reality that someone else can read english the way you're writing it. there were only relatively few people who could read poetry at all, in those days. it's still the case.
— bmikebauer
sonic wise, you see how the 'sung' resonates with 'our' in 'ourano...' and not the '..ano' part? that keeps the voice inside the cone of diction, keeping the reader reading straight through to 'goal', instead of dropping it on the next harmonic to '...an', which is the 'awk' of talk. the poetry voice is what keeps you on the path of the poem.
— bmikebauer
ouranophobia?
why are you there then?
— unknown
Why cant you hear it? And do you wish to?
These questions you made me think about, are worth thinking about.
It could go either way.
— unknown
I hear reconciliation when I read this, but that could be my projection. everything here works me as a perfect mirror so in that, at least, you've succeeded.
— Crayon
Lines 20 to 26 are moving.
A telling sentiment.
— unholy
sad
— unknown
sorry, my brain is out of critique. but I like this.
— SteelAngel
I like this, very different
— psychofemale
Well felt.
— unknown
I like this. I think she doesn't hear anything at the end because she has connected to the little boy who smiled at her and saw something of God in him.
— unknown
Flee church.
— unknown
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