poetry critical

online poetry workshop



looks
aurelius

you said i would always be old,
 1
even in summer.
 2
 
 
below my eyes are bags,
 3
heavy, swollen, the shade of bruise.
 4
forget dream-thirsty sleep
 5
or soft seconds of a kiss;
 6
i am forever
 7
a widower's cowl.
 8
 
 
make me then, and do not cut up
 9
glossy magazines.  spare the lips
 10
and chins of millionaires, save
 11
the immaculate arch
 12
for satisfaction's orphans.
 13
 
 
sketch my bones in charcoal,
 14
clumsy and askew
 15
to learn perspective.  
 16
ash by accident
 17
on my brow, and do not speak
 18
again of fractures.
 19
 
 
you can always tell the eager
 20
from the elderly, it is in the way
 21
we forget to smoosh against
 22
the glass, neglect to trace
 23
a smiley in the steam.
 24
 
 
i will see you soon,
 25
i think.
 26

24 Aug 10

Rated 8 (8.8) by 5 users.
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Comments:

I really dig this. love the ending
 — psychofemale

ooh hooh oh really great stuff here tonight. thanks
 — unknown

I like it.
 — JaneyJane

Very good poem reflecting on coming to terms with growing old.
 — JohnW

he's only 24
 — unknown

but he does have old man pouches.
 — unknown

I love this.
 — Ilena

^he hasn't even hit puberty yet. ;)

lovely poem, i can't believe i missed out on this last summer.
i do love the way you reconstruct people parts.

where you been?  
 — jenakajoffer

I second Jen's comment.  Creative phrases and strong imagery throughout.  L20-24 could stand on it's own and brings this to a poignant close.  Excellent writing.
 — sybarite

beautiful. thanks as always
 — unknown

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