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Moth girl
Crayon

1
 1
 
 
It's always too late
 2
to fix what you want.
 3
No, really --
 4
I'm telling you the truth,
 5
but I wasn't always, so
 6
ask my cat. He'll say:
 7
 
 
"there's something in my brain
 8
that makes my heart beat
 9
my lungs breathe."
 10
 
 
"there's something there
 11
and it will kill me one day."
 12
 
 
And then he'll clean
 13
between his toes.
 14
 
 
 
 
2
 15
 
 
The moon is a pancake of killer intent.
 16
It rules the tide, it turns men to wolves,
 17
it changes girls into women.
 18
 
 
I like my pancakes with
 19
  fresh bananas
 20
and
 21
        blueberry syrup,
 22
but only when my mother fries them with buckle-scarred hands.
 23
 
 
 
 
3
 24
 
 
Man was created not to know happiness but truth.
 25
Women were created to clean laundry.
 26
 
 
 
 
4
 27
 
 
I wanted to be an Army Ranger.
 28
My father told me:
 29
 
 
"Men roll in mud, so they can't be
 30
tracked."
 31
 
 
"Women just bleed through."
 32
 
 
 
 
5
 33
 
 
I don't bleed, I build a cocoon.
 34
 
 
 
 
6
 35
 
 
Sometimes at night
 36
my cat claws at nothing at all
 37
feet lighter than air
 38
pupils wide open.
 39
 
 
His vet says it's the catnip,
 40
I think it's because
 41
he tries to puddle jump
 42
the moonlight.
 43

27 Aug 10

Rated 10 (9) by 4 users.
Active (4):
Inactive (19): 2, 2, 7, 7, 8, 8, 9, 9, 9, 9, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10

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(16 more poems by this author)

(10 users consider this poem a favorite)



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Comments:

an interesting read, thank you.
 — manuka

Intriguing and unique.  Like it much.
 — JKWeb

#2 and #4 followed of course by #5. :-D
 — mandolyn

nice one!
 — PollyReg

glad to amuse, if only for a little while. And mando, #5's where this started.
 — unknown

This is soooooooooooo beautiful.  I love #4.  It resonates with me and reminds me of Kate Bush's song, "Eat the Music."  
 — starr

starr, while that song is a lot more visceral, I'll happily take the comparison to Miss Bush for the complement it is. I'm glad this worked for you.
 — unknown

>.< spendid.
 — Rss233

*splendid. (typo demons :O)
 — Rss233

the title doesn't really have much to do with the poem but the poemlettes really build into something coherent.  I couldn't imagine in #1 where this could be going but the ending ties it neatly together.

#5 seemed out of place but I like the very short sense of it.  It's a very good thought, too, on several levels.  I was thinking woman first, then someone depressed, then an emotional injury...could be all of that or none.  
 — Isabelle5

Isabelle, I would say I disagree with you re: the title, but that's fairly self-evident considering I named the thing. The idea being irrational, irreversible want -- whether the object of attraction is as benign as a street lamp or as masochistic as a bug zapper. Girl, because the narrator is female. the fact that I have to explain that though is a little disheartening since I thought the reasoning was self-evident. Any suggestions for a rename? I'll have to have a serious sit down and think about it.

#5 was a result of too much Mary Oliver, though I still like the effect. "Dogfish"-ing:

Also I wanted
to be able to love. And we all know
how that one goes,
don't we?

Slowly

*

the dogfish tore open the soft basins of water.

*

thanks for your thoughtful input, it's exactly what I was hoping to receive.
 — unknown

I have read this a few times and wanted to say that I enjoyed the movements throughout.  The narrative does fall within the female gender, so I do not believe there is any misleading ambiguity there that would stray from that intent.  

Maybe that person got stuck on the idea of L26 "Women were created to clean laundry." in belief of it being chauvinistic?  But if you read the tone, it is more of a slightly sarcastic irony...

I enjoyed the outward addressing of the first stanza.

Overall, the structure and content do coincide nicely together.  There is a surface level cohesion, but I would almost like to see a bit more come to that surface.

Title... ehh... who cares.  ....  saturniidae : look it up.
 — OldShoe

Loved it.
cheers!
 — RGJohnson

nice!
 — horsegirl

I really like the title and images in poem love"puddle jump the moonlight"
 — brother_sun

what do you know about moth girls?

have you ever archived your own demise?
 — unknown

A good write.  You might do without the numbers, what do they really add?  Your ending is nice but doesn't feel as weighty as it should, why is the vet in there?  Perhaps,

"... trying to puddle jump the moon-light
or maybe its just the catnip."

All in all I get the message of growing femininty and some of the abstracts but tbh I feel like there are many motifs but no theme.  Good but I think it needs a rewrite to be greatm
 — technomancer

rubbish
 — unknown

would the brit in the room please raise his dick
 — unknown

Are you o.k. I feel a lot of bitterness and self hatred here? You can really express yourself and your poems make me really think! Your poems are strong and sooooo good! I wish I wrote it myself.
 — Hulda

hi
 — Empty

last unknown: LOL

tone down the sarcasm a notch (it takes over most of the piece?)? it would be grand . . . that way i think! thank you F
 — Clara

Hello
 — Crayon

also, nothing about this was written in sarcastic intent, but it's your poem once you read it -- why don't you turn down the sarcasm a notch?
 — Crayon

made my morning. what an interesting flow.
 — suedehead

i like how the serious-whimsy is defined by the cat, 'cause the reality is really like that ... nice-one
 — AlchemiA

Absolutely beautiful... I read because I like the title so much  (expecting disappointment) but not at all, not at all.  
 — unknown

I so know these feelings
 — unknown

wow! this is wonderful!
 — amaranthe

Love this or these!!! Ls 42 and 43 are heartwarming thoughts. =)
 — majan

this is one of the most beautiful poem ive read in my life.

L34: hits to the core.
 — bohemian

STILL loving this after more than a year!  It's perfection all around.  :-)  
 — starr

There's some oldies and goodies on this top list. I like it.
 — V

gorgeouss, very original :)
 — AlexJose

original and enjoyable, really works
 — Rossant

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 — unknown

excellent poem
 — justicely

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 — unknown

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 — unknown

I so love this poem.

You should join meoww-book.

Why do you have toilet paper in your window?
 — unknown

.
 — ElsieTime

36-39 are the best lines in this poem, in my opinion - i almost don't like what comes after, because it's so cool -- as a reader i don't need it -

i don't need the author to be in the poem :-)
 — ElsieTime

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