drinks, the long swing
of the sun round an empty afternoon
drenching shadows of inconsequential chatter.
Park spreads silent, the ghost of four o clock
ticks towards high tea,
bird song filters down through trees
Ritual embraces of departure,
too shrill words,
mannerisms of camaraderie mimicked
as some are lured beyond their limits
by promise of entertainment elsewhere.
All seems governed by selfish logic.
Here by six, there by seven,
night times music makes a different rhythm.
Footsteps echo among catacombs of gravel pathways.
Behind large bushes of holly and laurel
among dawns out-of-the-way places,
someone laughed, someone strayed,
and some were not playing anymore.
7 Sep 10
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i can't read past the first line. "contented"- definetely the wrong word choice. grammatically and sonically.
contented lunch gives the lunch quite a living presence! made me smile.
there are a few excess words here that i think can safely be omitted,
like L2 "then"
I might suggest making 'embrace' singular for sonics
out-of-the-way, might look nice dashed
nice poem, I quite like the way you ended this.
thank you :)
Your right DL...wor a blunder
Larry idiot head Lark
Thanks for the help Estella
Larry grateful Lark
this makes me awwwwwww...
larry awwwwww lark
i like the clink of glass and the way my shades dip into the sun and drink it just a little so as to pretend to not be thirsty for the dark sky.
"long swing" is the right way to write that bit, "high tea" is the obnoxious fuss of a fuzzball, but then the chime of laughter rinses its hands in the void and all is well again.