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Free Lunch
larrylark

Free lunch,
 1
drinks, the long swing
 2
of the sun round an empty afternoon
 3
drenching shadows of inconsequential chatter.
 4
Park spreads silent, the ghost of four o clock
 5
ticks towards high tea,
 6
bird song filters down through trees
 7
 
 
 
 
Ritual embraces of departure,
 8
too shrill words,
 9
mannerisms of camaraderie mimicked
 10
as some are lured beyond their limits
 11
by  promise of entertainment elsewhere.
 12
All seems governed by selfish logic.
 13
Here by six, there by seven,
 14
night times music makes a different rhythm.
 15
 
 
Footsteps echo among  catacombs of gravel pathways.
 16
Behind large bushes of holly and laurel
 17
among dawns out-of-the-way places,
 18
someone laughed, someone strayed,
 19
and some were not playing anymore.
 20

7 Sep 10

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Comments:

i can't read past the first line. "contented"- definetely the wrong word choice. grammatically and sonically.
 — DeformedLion

contented lunch gives the lunch quite a living presence!  made me smile.

there are a few excess words here that i think can safely be omitted,
like L2 "then"
L5 "the"
L11 "are"
I might suggest making 'embrace' singular for sonics
out-of-the-way, might look nice dashed

nice poem, I quite like the way you ended this.
thank you :)
 — Estella

Your right DL...wor a blunder

Larry idiot head Lark
 — larrylark

Thanks for the help Estella

Larry grateful Lark
 — larrylark

this makes me awwwwwww...
 — softyetharsh

awwwwwww well

larry awwwwww lark
 — larrylark

thanks larry
i like the clink of glass and the way my shades dip into the sun and drink it just a little so as to pretend to not be thirsty for the dark sky.

"long swing" is the right way to write that bit, "high tea" is the obnoxious fuss of a fuzzball, but then the chime of laughter rinses its hands in the void and all is well again.
 — DeformedLion

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