poetry critical

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tired but still going
psychofemale

footsteps
 1
tag along
 2
I turn around
 3
to face the follower
 4
 
 
 
 
tired of this on-going ritual
 5
 
 
no one
 6
there
 7
 
 
was there ever?
 8
 
 
my shadow
 9
my mind playing tricks on me again...
 10
 
 
couldn't be that imaginary friend
 11
she left me years ago
 12
 
 
her excuse:
 13
 
 
"she'd out grown me"
 14

17 Sep 10

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^.^
 — mandolyn

Psycho.

I have read your "things".  I think you are on a path that is desirable.  Read this and grow up.  Then watch the vid link at the end of this and surpass.  I believe you can:

“And you transformed
From fact
To fiction

And you are my
Ancient diction

I planted the seeds

I watched them
Grow

And you are bigger

Bigger than life

~

I’m always using myself

Always using myself

Always using myself when I should have been using you

You have become
Part of my
Mythology

You have become a part of me

You have become
Part of my
Mythology

And nothing seems so real
To me

~

I hear your voice and it’s
Dark and cold and it’s
Telling me a story that
Loves To be told

Stepped into a circle
Of words with you

I want to atone but never
Ever
Ever
Do

~

I'm Always cursing my luck

Always cursing my luck

Always cursing my luck when I should have been cursing you

You have become
Part of my
Mythology

You have become a part of me

You have become
Part of my
Mythology

And nothing seems so real

~

You left me a vision
It makes me wince

A symbol of my recompense

~

I’m always hurting myself

Always hurting myself

Always hurting myself when I should have been hurting you

You have become
Part of my
Mythology

You have be come a part of me

You have become
Part of my
Mythology

And nothing seems so real
To me"

(Stem - Mythology)

http://www.yo utube.com/watch?v=slUMr8c71eE
 — Haxxen

Correction: http://www.yo utube.com/watch?v=slUMr8c71eE
 — Haxxen

(sigh) Remove the space between "o" and "u" in youtube link. this site likes to mess with pastes.
 — Haxxen

I'll start by apologizing for my last crit.  I was rather "drunk and disoderly" when I wrote it.  ;)  What  was TRYING to convay is that I feel there is alot of passion in your work, but it's not fully realized in your writing.  I'm not saying it needs to be angry, but I feel that your words are not living up to what you have inside.  Keep going, and go hard.  I'm waiting to find your "voice" in your writing.
 — Haxxen

thanks, i will work on that
 — psychofemale

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