Something seen today recalled
heats slow rise among mottled ferns,
old Wood burning, smoke bent east
over fallen leaves that lie sodden,
speak of a season irretrievably
gone to decline.
Can’t hide thoughts of frozen darkness
while gazing at October’s rose,
recalling those who stepped
from shimmering trains
and swayed through heat's haze.
Greeting friends at holidays end,
as August's clock sends swifts away.
13 Oct 10
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might like to keep the apostrophes throughout the poem, like you have in October's, if so you need 'Summer's' and 'August's'
i love rose/those
maybe you could break line 9 (either at 'those' or 'stepped'?)
just a thought.
lovely word, sodden.
nice poem :)
I really appreciate your consrtuctive suggestions
Larry sunshine boy Lark
Very nice poem of seasons' decline. Something about the Fall that inspires feelings of things now gone and things yet to come.
Thanks John. I dread the Winter though there is no reason why i should for following on from it is the glorious season of spring. It just seems that little bit harder to get through the cold as you get older and i am seriously considering hibernation straight after Christmas with a bar of Cadbury's Fruit and Nut only to be awoken at the beginning of March
Larry NUTS Lark
Cadbury's Fruit and Nut is my favourite.
I sometimes feel like hitting myself over the head with a stick marked "punctuation Estella. Thanks for the further spot.
Larry grim grammer Lark
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