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Evening's End

Forests if they could,
would have shaded into silver
among ferns burnished with gold.
Half remembered slivers of moon light
cast cold shadows,
leaves glistened, as we stood
listening, intent, in silence.
The violence of departure  
wrenched in the gut, shrouded by mist
we crossed to the bridge
through refrigerated air  
beneath clattering branches.
The distant hospital groaned
under weight of the surgeons knife
as life came and went
on the throw of a dice.
The dead weight of mulch
muffled our steps
as reckless thoughts
bled through our heads
Slurry thickened where dark sap wept.
I could have lain down and slept forever
against the ill kept wall
shielding an overgrown garden,
yet still hurried on.
Distant conversations and barking dogs
blazed in that other world.
All over England
the exhausted fumes of yesterday
were turning grey.
The dye of tomorrow’s dawn was cast
as we walked on alone,
tethered to that curse,
our final moments together.
I don’t remember her last word.

18 Oct 10

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It's funny i imagined this place somewhere in England even before you said so.  L5 is a bit awkward, i think. It feels like there is not enough syllabyls. L25 maybe an "I" or a "we" between yet and still? It confused me for a second. L8 on in the first stanza i really love "the violence of departure" its great.
 — justagirlx3

thanks for the constructive crit justagirl
 — larrylark