poetry critical

online poetry workshop

Negative Space

you are not
the ink
you are
the glim
the white,
huddling heart
the eye
of an artist's

25 Oct 10

Rated 10 (8.4) by 5 users.
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pretty nice.
 — bmikebauer

i like the rhythm of the stepping motion in this, how you make me pivot off the word, like leaping over to another rock-spire. the wording is very well rounded -- i think i mean that the internal rhyming of the vowels makes it a very rich read, makes me want to stay in the poem.
 — bmikebauer

Oh fabulous!  Wonderfully intense brevity, love "howing pen."
 — sybarite

oops--that'd be love "howling pen."--sorry.
 — sybarite

I would change line 8 if it were mine, maybe like In the Eye, but I like it. Any artist should appreciate it, I think.
 — bitchtits

isn't it, 'the eye of the artist's howling pen', and not, 'heart in the eye' -- and, that's the surface look, but it will allow you to read it both ways, just because of the way the poet's punctuated it only with the line-break.
 — bmikebauer

I just like to think of the white, negative space of a huddling heart being in the eye of the pen, as if a pen had an actual eye and the chioce to scope out what interests it, and to howl upon it however it pleases, leaving the artist out of the creative process for the white and pen to have their dance or quarrel, depending on the artist's piece. But maybe that's why I'm no real poet, I don't understand the technicalities of it all. I get it nonetheless and appreciate it for what it is, very much. I think it's beautiful :)
 — bitchtits

ah...that's a little to literal for me, but i see what you're saying. i think 'whites of the eyes' is only a word-image though, because the actual eye looks multi-hued and varies moment to moment.

i think the author of this works the edge of cliche, but articulates conversational language into something tactile. i think that's in the realm of poetry.
 — bmikebauer

best poem i have read all day.
 — mandolyn

 — unknown

 — unknown

 — Empty

simple-imagism -- If reading Poetry is like watching crystals grow, writing Poetry is like diamonds in our eyes flowing as true-grit from our pen, in a creative-destruction then; either way, there are many reflections!

well-done -- if brevity is the Art of wit then levity is the goal of it
 — AlchemiA

Like the depth within the air of simplicity.
 — lalita

 — unknown


i'm gonna give this
the negative of a negative

; )
 — fractalcore

 — unknown

who wrote this?
 — unknown

I don-t get it, what is so special here, the writing, the words, please someone explain it to me?
 — Hulda

 — ghost

 — unknown

Should be titled, "White Space"
 — unknown

dig it.
 — unknown

 — unknown

Thank you.
 — unknown

expanding negative-space

from the eye
of an artists's


after-words language-weeps

from the wounds that reason makes;

words'll seep from there wounds of omission,
seep from some-deep-super-scary-SaṃsKāra,
seep from some gimme-gimballed lurching-duality,
trembling from the loss of blood
lost in the rhythm of suffering,
innocent victims like you and me,
            ;       living between infinite-Love and "I'm not worthy",

crossing the line, there where there is no music left to lift
this          & nbsp; farther-f u r th e r then the stretchered edges,
            ;          &nbs p;          &nb sp;          &n bsp;          & nbsp;          those places where the bubble-breaks,
            ;          &nbs p;          &nb sp;          &n bsp;          & nbsp;                       ;     there    where all that's left is dark and deep.
 — AlchemiA

Ye, dig.
 — unknown

yeah i dig the crystal-simple image and it's many reflections
 — AlchemiA

wanna keep this in the air, flying a-round here and there

then we've terms agreed and can enjoy para-social play from here-on-in, trip over our funny-bone now and again, layer our trivials with dubious terms, remain wholly-conflicted like a donut must feel with negative-space representing what's real ...
 — AlchemiA

seems a little confused

it seems to me there is a wastelands, a grey dreary place we've all spent time trudging through, in this life of un-momentous moments, going through the motions empty of meaning, as a Poet-explorer is wont to do ... it's there that we're often broken down to what is real, and then we write and
a writer writes and never stops writing
and rewrites and writes again and again ...
and sHe never stops writing except to Dream,
perhaps to reach for that Star in that Star crowded Sky
and bring that Star to the end of her Pen
and write like plasma all over again ...

like this writer did here ...
 — AlchemiA

pitch perfect
 — unknown

 — unknown

 — unknown

hmm. i see a touch of desperation creeping (which should be sleeping) in here.
 — unknown

ah youve done it again ------>>> ahhhh. :)
 — 13fatstacks

made me look up glim.

good use of form for content.

lining, diction no nits.
 — NicMichaels

I love the density of this. No wasted words. Well done.

Some thoughts:

1. The word "huddling" threw me off. "Huddling" to me is multiple people/creatures crowding together. I think I know what you mean by "huddling" here, but I think there are stronger/better words out there for that spot.

2. I really enjoyed your unexpected use of "howling." The pen isn't gliding, or scratching, but all-out howling. Very cool.

3. Would it be better to pair writer (instead of artist) with pen? I tend to think of writers as using pens, artists as using brushes/pencils. Just seems like a more logical pairing.
 — zita

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