poetry critical

online poetry workshop



Jesus wept, Cervus wrote, God saw that it was good…
CervusWright

I am a poet
 1
Alone, amongst those who would deny such a claim,
 2
and those of my wound-mates who know it.
 3
 
 
Something gave me that epiphany,
 4
that Light.
 5
The knowing, I was witnessing
 6
the wind, the scent, the sight
 7
Love.
 8
 
 
Relaxed.
 9
 
 
Peacefully breathing
 10
everything.
 11
Magnificence!  Magnificent
 12
me
 13
so, you blew apart the cosmos and let me in
 14
showed me the here and now
 15
and the there and then and
 16
that the end of me would forever begin
 17
and you totally dug me.
 18
Man, I was accepted!
 19
And, oh, had I sinned!
 20
But, no
 21
you enjoyed every wounded aspect of the soul I’d been.
 22
You saved my life.
 23
 
 
Where are you now, my friend?
 24
I know you’ll be there at the end
 25
but what of that taste?
 26
Love? Life?
 27
Where are the arms of this Love I can wrap myself in while I’m here?
 28
I pray
 29
can you physically one day hold my face gently and say
 30
Oh, my beautiful soul, every thing is all ways ok!
 31
I Love you!
 32
All of You!
 33
The bent and the straight of you,
 34
the murky and the clear,
 35
the smooth and the rough.
 36
Would that I should seek you within where I’m not quite enough
 37
in my own heart, seduced by fear.
 38
 
 
Oh, my BeLoved,
 39
lead me beside still waters
 40
restoreth my soul
 41
Naked, surrendered, clear,
 42
make slow abandoned Love with me, my dear
 43
and hold the special space where we become the Seer
 44
of all that beauty
 45
and connection
 46
Love, and Truth, and Light
 47
no Original Sin, only Original Right…
 48
I’ll open up my world to let you in.
 49
 
 
And yet, this fear within, knows that prayers are given
 50
in response to the desire deeply hidden
 51
within the hearts intent.
 52
The Universe nods to our wants or whim
 53
and we get what we’re sent
 54
exactly what we believed we deserved.
 55
 
 
We are heard.
 56
We are free, and I see
 57
because the BeLoved Loves me
 58
 
 
paradoxically
 59
 
 
very fucking rarely.
 60

27 Oct 10

Rated 10 (9.7) by 1 users.
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Comments:

HAH! Your title is so arrogant that I can not help myself but want to give this a 1
and want to kick your pants until there's nothing left but the pockets. but then the reading flows wonderfully with lines like rivers with hardly a stone, even at the cliches that usually make others S C ReeeeCH.
 — unknown

Kick my pants, mate.  Go hard.  I could do with a good one.
 — CervusWright

Arrogant? i don't see that at all. You must be arrogant yourself to notice such a thing.
 — unknown

^ah yes...
the title says it all DUH
 — unknown

CW, I could go hard..but not a mate ;)
 — unknown

Well said in such rythm too
 — JCDorris

Thanks for the feedback, everyone. Much appreciated.
 — CervusWright

Like 34-36 very much, particularly "the bent and the straight of you."
As noted by others, flows without a hitch.
I rather like the blunt laic ending, it was unexpected.
 — sybarite

P.S. Great title!
 — sybarite

I want to know, do you still see 11:11?
 — unknown

This had me grinning throughout as the overtly polished positive feelings gushed into lines that are unique but aware of how we can convince ourselves we care for something greater than our body-of-cycles canny deductions...

Write on cervus with a bullet ...
 — AlchemiA

oh yeah the rhythms 'n cadences are sweetly rendered throughout, where it flows with magniloquence, like honey on the sharp-edge of a knife, and we get-it, we see that mostly we don't end up with our first choice of beloveds, rather, we end up loving the one we're with, and I was with you in this poem all the way through ...

sweet
 — AlchemiA

Oh yeah, I love the title too.

My favourite line in this, and for me, where the poem is, is 37

"Would that I should seek you within where I’m not quite enough"

So beautiful.

Thanks for the read,
 — PollyReg

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 — unknown

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