|demon on my headboard
staring me down
the one low beneath
there's a demon on my headboard
do you wonder how I sleep?
my dreams are angelic
crystal not clear
in the dawn they vanish
like stars sharp as spears
piercing my gut
stabbing my heart
these blades of glory
sharp like darts
a half burnt needle
ripping the skin
can't find beauty
in this day of sin
go back to sleep
you won't find lies
unless you wake
in the demon's eyes
10 Nov 10
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I have this demon in my head, he is just passing thru thank God... it seems to me that you could have wrote something more entertaining than what you have offered here ... this must have been a quick idea well it looks quick to me
i have a demon on my dashboard
the leftover of a dash of angustura,
when i messed my gin while drinking and driving,
as well as coaxing my daschound
to get out of the rearview mirror
and on the back seat.
Hi PF - it has good riddem but appears a wee bit rushed and needs a bit more polish in places. Like stars sharp as spears? - it make-a no sense to my addled brain. The third stanza seems to contradict the fourth - is there a way to combine the 2 into a single one? T'would rock then. Cheerz. mitch :-)
i thought it was good! everything made perfect sense to me =)
i like it because its simple yet it has a bigger meaning. you didn't get too fancy with it
which i think a lot of people do, and in my opinion the poem just ends up sounding like a bunch of random words put together, and doesn't make sense. good job!
should watch Nat Geo 'Demonic Seduction'
now that is creepy
its a song i am working on..i really do have a demon face on my headboard
"in the dawn they vanish like stars sharp as spears..." i think of stars vanishing quickly from night into day and when spears are thrown they move fast
made a couple changes i like this better
great poem, filled with stark and effective imagery. i especially like the last strophe, which wraps up the poem nicely.
i might like to see the line "sharp like darts" as "sharper than darts" to help match the intensity of the previous lines.
anyway, nice job. you capture the spirit of being haunted, whether that was intentional or not.
really good, showed this to a work mate, he thought it was hot