|Queen of the Adriatic Sea
marveled at her—
lady of barbed halo
her blade gleamed
on that ghostly ship
the boot broke them,
offered their lire
the queen blessed them
red copper drops
pooled on floorboards
as callous as the sea—
floating face-down to Italy
19 Nov 10
Rated 10 (8.1) by 2 users.
Inactive (13): 1, 1, 1, 3, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10, 10
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way too poetic
ill second that. but heres a ten.
this is a spectacular write web.
L19 is funny.
do it again.
thanks unknown #1. I'll try to be less poetic next time 'round.
many thanks you too antipoetry.
hello unknown #2. as you may have guessed, line 19 is vital to the write. thankx.
web, you really are one of the best writers here.
- C -
- C -
thanks for reading. that's quite the kudos. gratitude.
The C is really an M
The C is really a C-
hi JK of the Web - an acqua alta of a write - normally a device like line 19 would be a wtf turn-off but not in this rare case. A fine effort sirrah. Mitch :-)
thanks a bunch pdemitchell for taking the time to read and comment + fave. I'm glad you dig it.
real good stuff
thank you very much unknown. glad you think it's real good.
another fine write by Mr. JKWeb :)
thanks much PaulS for reading, comment and fave. I'm glad you like it.
omitted vital line 19.
Pity but still a 10
thanks for the re-visit pdemitch.
Yes, poetry. pure and well writ.
I did not see the previous version, but have very much enjoyed reading this.
actually jharrison, this is the version. I had put a few dots (the aforementioned line 19) to add some space but reconsidered. thanks and I'm glad you like it.
Ah ha! Thank you for posting this.. it's delicious poetry :)
Web you are the Queen of the sea. At least round here.
I would have preferred if you'd said 'King' but much gratitude nonetheless. lol.
confusing, but interesting
thanks unknown. glad you found it interesting. tried not to make it too cryptic.
im re-reading this web. i enjoy all your poems. they are strong and tender too. keep up the good work.
thanks unknown. I truly appreciate the positive feedback.
ok, i king you. geez
great poem! i love the way you ended this =-)
ah, thanks ghost.
actually, the end line used to be like the 3rd line. I'm glad I moved it. thanks for reading and I'm glad you seem to like it.
this looks great at the #1 spot by the way; must be something about the title =-)
love minions btw.
this style sort of reminds me of my poem vulcan, which kind of cool.
oh wow. cool. 'adriatic' is one of my fave words of all time. that and static cling. thanks. Funes
Glad to see this top spot Jk - despite the 1! mitch
thanks Funes, I think.
I appreciate the return visit pdemitch.
You are mostly the reason I keep coming back to this shit hole.
thanks for the kudos unknown. you're killing me
with kindness. hope 2.0 is a better experience for you.
many thanks unknown for the accolades. glad you dig it.
I like the last line...
pedobauer should be banned from this site
i'm sorry, but is this part of some larger work? because these articles are suggesting a familiarity which is beyond me. that is a bit of a problem.
considering the title, i assume that L3 refers to a 'queen'? 'lady' is also a title, i suggest changing that word.
L4 is quite vague, the best i can conjure as an image is the blade being stuck out the prow of the ship? tough one, "gleaming" and "ghostly" juxtaposed in this manner.
11-14 is to abstract to relate to, for me. "their", and "them", if relating back to "the minions", is a bit sloppy, as 4-6 get in the way of the pattern also of 7-10.
15-16 is a nice image, but 17 really does nothing on its own.
"as callous as the sea" would be fine, if "callous" were a common way of describing the sea, but i kind of think it's not. therefore, more information needs to be given, or else the poem is just saying things that i have no way of understanding, relating to
Maybe it's poorly written.
If people are going to fly their precious top-rated flag on rheir crap, then they should be prepared to hear what doesn't 'work' in their crap. 'Workable' written? The articles need 'working'.
I'm surprised that you are befuddled by this. I don't believe it's too cryptic.
gratitude to you for "getting it".