poetry critical

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I lived behind the latch of that house,
yet can remember nothing.
Sixty years of forgetfulness I carry round;
my guess work fills an empty sack.
There are one or two photographs,
neither being white or black.
Beyond a half demolished wall,
a man I do not know calls ,
telling me to move on.
As machines start to rumble
the cul de sac is sealed
A ball and chain reveal vacuums
staring at the sky

1 Dec 10

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oh legume legume!!
 — unknown

why are you using such stilted syntax?

"I remember little about living
behind the latch of that house,

carrying forgetfulness
like guess work in an empty sack.

One or two photographs...."

omit House from the title

i think the syntax represents too much emotional distance on the part of the poet from the subject, and as a reader, it's like an extra layer of skin i have to get through to relate. doesn't work for me. maybe for someone else. (nicmichaels)
 — unknown

Brussel sprouts.
 — larrylark

Thats how i feel about that early part of my life. I think i was not connected in the right way and still am possibly not. I tried to get even semi attached but unfortunately the house was in a terraced street.
 — larrylark