poetry critical

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red house
hank

that night at 37296 boulder canyon drive
 1
i banged on your electrified guitar
 2
and you thought i really could play
 3

for Todd.

19 Dec 10


(define the words in this poem)
(455 more poems by this author)



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Comments:

this is a fragment, not a poem.

short is good, but "red house" lacks depth.

you could fix that with a second one-line stanza.
 — NicMichaels

dear nicmichaels,

i dont own this poem but if this implies to be a hoax having a last line ruins it. i understand subtlety hank conveys.

':'
 — unknown

brevity does not guarantee gravity

from Godd

St3ntorin
 — unknown

brevity does not guarantee gravity, but
gravity sometimes requires brevity.
 — hank

Guys, crit the poem and keep the wit for the forum threads. It's a narrative fragment that hank has posted that needs opening out otherwise it stays as a single line in an anomymous blog. I went to a house. I played guitar. You liked it. C'mon Hank - strut that stuff give us a few meaty riffs and flesh this puppy out!
 — unknown

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