that night at 37296 boulder canyon drive
i banged on your electrified guitar
and you thought i really could play
19 Dec 10
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this is a fragment, not a poem.
short is good, but "red house" lacks depth.
you could fix that with a second one-line stanza.
i dont own this poem but if this implies to be a hoax having a last line ruins it. i understand subtlety hank conveys.
brevity does not guarantee gravity
brevity does not guarantee gravity, but
gravity sometimes requires brevity.
Guys, crit the poem and keep the wit for the forum threads. It's a narrative fragment that hank has posted that needs opening out otherwise it stays as a single line in an anomymous blog. I went to a house. I played guitar. You liked it. C'mon Hank - strut that stuff give us a few meaty riffs and flesh this puppy out!
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