it's called indian's brew out on the coast.
we'd hitch with murph to duncan
and poor paulie would wet himself after a good day
of drinking– sometimes I'd wake up warm
with a stream of urine down my legs.
junior and me chased shrooms
in the back of murph's van.
I'd sit in his lap with a flat of cans
staring into the dark spaces in his smile;
his hands snuck down my bubblegum jeans.
I slept in a tepee at girl-guide camp,
cold floor flooding while we lapped lucky suds
with the boys from the reserve,
undies hung from the flagpole–
I wasn't fifteen sucking foam off them short-rounds.
23 Dec 10
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excellent imagery and a beautiful, constant tone ... masterful ... hints of whimsy, longing, nostalgia and yet something else is also present there ... nice work.
this be some nice writing.
like the freestyle feel and deftly used words.
Not digging this...
I don't like your use of words and it feels very... gruff.
It's not bad it's just not good, either.
this is really great
yay, what up J-dizzle?
(nice one by the way)
^Slutty? Go home moron.
What exactly is great about this.
Hmmm..this sounds suspiciously like Vancouver Island?
Lucky beer--yuck! Jen--were any of these guys musicians? I'm wondering if we have some acquaintances in common here on the coast...?
This is about as cinematic as it can get. Not one word or image misplaced or over used.
Sharp and clear writing, a little confessiony, a little nostalgic. I really like line 8, it's very creative. Line 14 sums it all up nicely, a good head of foam on a beer poem. (Upside down, of course!)
Jen! SO delightfully happy to see you back here writing! You have been missed!
This makes me feel like a badass. I love how it so gently evokes that "teen spirit" and recalls rebellion and freedom with the utmost fragility. Makes me remember smokin' Marlboro Reds out on the r.r. tracks when I was 16; THAT KIND of "free."
It AIN'T!!!! :-O Welcome back, boogirl! Happy New Year! God, you are GOOD!!! xo
Hi, Jen: Just wondering (after a revisit) if in the beginning of L1 if you can identify for the reader WHAT is called "indian's brew" out on the coast. That's it. Otherwise, love it! There's sumpthin' here in the mix for you and it's sumpthin' that I'm not accustomed to but really like. Yo muse is gettin' LOOSE! Hehe. xo
What a darling memory put to poetry... Nice job!
thanks to everyone for reading my poem,
Starr, "lucky" is a sort of beer, popular amongst the poor out in BC.
Sybarite, you guessed right, used to live in Sooke and Colwood, worked in Victoria...
used to hitch to Nanaimo all the time, when I was younger my brother would play hockey there. =-)
Thanks for the education, Jen. I don't drink beer, so I don't know. Taste like SHIT to ME, but good 2 know. This poem is REALLY tight! Love it! Loveu2! xo
Oh yeah!!! Sling Blade meets Happy Days... I'm glad to see you back in the mix too, Jen!
you are an alchemist, spinning words to platinum
nothing short of a jersey shore episode
wow, a good poem is posted. what do you know. everyone, take some notes from this.
i agree with PaleHorse's comment - cinematic ... i like that there's no over sentimentality here ... it's kind of generationally special without being over emotional ... sometimes it's good to let readers see without dragging them through stuff ... wonderful writing
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very good. this relates, and is so well written. no more from me, take your nine.
this would make a good intro to a chapter in boyscouts learning to cook round the campfire with chiddens book. all you would need to do is unlinebreak the lines and add some punctuation. B.Y.
Thanks for interesting information. I hope that you can use it in resume writing. It's a good idea.
You rock, jenaka
Love the politically incorrectness of this piece, nice to see words like "indian" again